My husband is always angry--what should I do about that?

Question

I'm a basically happy, positive person. My husband, on the other hand, seems to be always in a pissed-off mood, ready to get angry at me or our kids for something, anything--oftentimes something irrational. Seems like he doesn't respect me very much, which he will admit. He has even admitted that he feels angry at me much of the time. He knows this is wrong, but isn't doing anything to "fix" it, and in the meantime, I'm quickly getting sick of being around such an angry, unhappy person. I really don't want our sons to grow into angry men! It seems very hard for me to function in daily life when even if I try to have a good day, he is unhappy, cranky and angry. What am I supposed to do about that? We've only been married for four years and I know he's disillusioned about not having the same feelings for me that he once did. I really don't know what to do about this, either. We've talked SO MANY times about this in the past, and he always talks about changing, but doesn't...

Answer 1

Well, I have been there. I've been the SOB who who was always angry, and at the time I kept saying, I'd fix it and never did. I ended up leaving my wife for other reasons and i moved in with another woman (some time later) after the original "honeymoon period" I realized I was angry all the time again. So I realized the problem was me.

I'm sorry to say, but this is a problem you can't help him with. He's probably dealing with the loss of freedom, the change from being a man into being a Dad and a whole host of other problems, he hasn't even realized yet.

Not all men go through this, but many of us do. He needs time to figure out what is bothering him. People now a days are divorce happy. If life isn't perfect you leave (Hell even me) Give him time, don't force him, don't nag him. Let him figure this out. If he can't figure out whats bothering him or doesn't want to even try (don't think that just because he is doing what you would see as trying that he isn't trying) then it is time to think about leaving.

If he ever gets to the point of physical abuse, call the cops! Don't think that this will be the only time, it very rarely is.

In summation, this is something he needs to deal with, it's not a slight on you or your boys, he is just dealing with emotions he's not used to.

hope this helps.

Answer 2

I am really sorry to hear what you are going through so I will give you my take on the situation and what can be done.

Four years is not a long time for a relationship to deterioriate this quickly unless you have done some thing to provoke this type of behaviour. If you have not done anything to provoke his behaviour then it had to have been present in his character before the marriage which I suspect. You may not have noticed it at the time because you were so in love or you thought it was just natural to be upset sometimes - it happens.

What you are dealing with presently can only be described as a case of abuse. How you will handle this is really all up to you.

Circumstances and stress can change a person's behaviour as no two people will cope the same way. However anger, even if misdirected, is one thing but disrespect is a whole other story.

Counselling is mandatory in this case if you are thinking of salvaging the marriage. Right now abuse is taking place but what makes it even more disturbing is the facts that your kids are seeing it. If you don't do something about this type of behaviour they will grow up believing it is acceptable. It may only be verbal abuse at the moment but that can change in the bat of an eye. If he refuses to go with you to conselling then, for sanity's sake, walk away. Every person deserves at least the basic form of respect. You are not a doormat and as such you should not be walked all over.

He is abusive even if his actions makes him out to be an immature person who does not possess the ability to manage his own anger/frustrations. That is a parent's job and when you signed up for marriage I am sure that parenting him was not part of the agenda.

If he does not change his immature ways and you decide not to walk away then your personality will switch from a basically happy, positive person to an unhappy, low self-esteem person. To compound that you will be teaching your kids that it is acceptable for a spouse to be that way. Right now you are at the unhappy part so please do not let the other part (low self-esteem) follow.

Remember, your kids are learning about behaviour from their parents. Abuse, even emotional, still carry deep scars - Put a stop to abuse now.

Hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 3

All problems must look at the source and work from there.
Just stopping him to get angry itself cannot work.
Try to find out what problem or pressure he is facing. Observe him. Look at things as a third person or at his point of view.
Can be Work, Friends, $$$, Sleep, Children or even You.
Ask in a tactical way, don't ask direct. We men do not like to lose face or being help as a weaker one.
I wish you'll have a happy family life soon and last forever.
Never give up, both of you can make it one day.

Answer 4

Hey honey i feel ur pain, but this is a very serious issue u both have to deal with urgently. This is not healthy for ur sons...

I suggest u both seek professional counselling and also u can go to some church n let the pastor pray for u both. U hve all right to feel the way.... u could sink urself into depression. Pls at least for the kids get help.

Goodluck!

Answer 5

Am I wrong to conclude that you are walking on eggshells in your daily life?

You may benefit from meeting with a domestic violence counselor. Your husband obviously has unhealthy anger issues and directs his anger at you and your children. If he will not make positive changes to improve then there is nothing you can do to change him. All you can do is what is best for you and your children. Children model the behavior of their same sex parent, so I think you are right to worry that your boys will grow up to be angry or abusive.

Take care of yourself and your children and consider speaking to a domestic violence counselor at your local victim services agency. You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship and not even realize it.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

Quit trying to talk about it. Be positive and kill him with kindness. Be as gentle and kind as you possibly can be. If he is violent, get out of there before your children lose their mom. If he is not violent, try your very best to show him your kindness and that it is possible for him to be happy. Think of ways to freshen the relationship. Don't talk about it, do it. Talk can tend to make a man even more irritated. Just do little things that you know he'll love as often as possible to SHOW him that you want to make him happy. Remember that actions speak louder than words. That goes for both of you. If he's physically hurting you and says he's gonna change, but doesn't, LEAVE NOW. Don't hesitate, or make excuses to stay.

Answer 7

Why is he so angry?
Was he like this before you married him and you married him and had a baby anyway?
People don't go around pissed off for no reason, so maybe you're not taking care of your man properly. Maybe he's not disillusioned about his feelings, but instead how you treat him as a wife.

Answer 8

Has he had a checkup.? Sometimes high blood sugar can trigger these feelings. Irritability, anger are sometimes symptoms of something else, and has nothing to do with you or the kids. See if he would be willing to get a blood sugar test, also a thyroid test. God bless, and keep being patient if you can until you find out something.

Answer 9

With the finished ideas it sort of feels as in case you at the instant are not on my own. From a adult men element of view here is what I see. he's usually very insecure approximately his potential to thrill you and would not comprehend which you will possibly be joyful devoid of wanting an orgasm. you mostly ought to ascertain a marriage councilor to ascertain that and different matters. One guy i comprehend became having an affair and his spouse caught him. He pronounced he in basic terms wasn't getting sufficient intercourse at homestead. She pronounced "ok" and then she wore him out. as quickly as, two times or thrice a night time, in the morning and if he became resting it became "do not you like me?" He recommended me after a week he genuinely gained ill of intercourse. So, failing to visit counseling, i could take it over the precise with him. for people who don't have an O then make him do it repeatedly. Then whilst he desires to speak approximately it - communicate approximately it, in element, clarify each little thing, and shield it up till he gets in unfavorable wellness of it. Then take him lower back to mattress and do it as quickly as extra. Ask him to do oral, repeatedly - he quickly will get tired of it. in basic terms lay there and moan and tell him to "bypass swifter, bypass slower, etc.) After a on the comparable time you ought to in looking some middle floor. sure, diverse positions are on occasion staggering, and you may properly be precise to not grant him oral every time. in case you do each little thing the comparable then not something is unique.

Answer 10

HMMM is this is my ex hubsand minus the kids for he told me the same thing and acted the same way tell your guy that he needs to go to counseling or you can both go to counseling if he refuses you may have to start leaving him for you don't need to be around the anger and neither do your boys