My husband and I have been married for 5 months, and we're also 9 months pregnant. I found out two days ago that he cheated. It was only once, approximately three weeks prior, and now the girl was claiming she was pregnant, and it was his. We now know she's not pregnant at all, which is a relief. I've decided to forgive him; I love him more than words can say. I need to know how to learn to trust him again, and how to help him forgive himself.
2006-10-11 08:28:38 · 35 answers · asked by a.n.a 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well first of all I like to say Wish you both the best were all humans and make mistakes . Glad you can overcome this and move on with your lives.
your question you need to know how to learn to trust him again. Well that will take time and by him showing you he can be trusted that doesn't happen over night.
And how to help him forgive himself. For starters don't bring up the affair again. If you truely forgive him and want it out of your lives you need to heal and move on so by throwing it back in his face will not heal the wounds you both have. So when ever you fight and there will be times don't bring that into the argument stick with whats at hand.
And commend him when he's showing you by actions just not idle chat he means what he says he needs reinforncement and also needs to know he is human and you love him and forgive him and you get through this and be stronger in the long run.
Treat him normally like you would don't act any different best thing for you both is to go turn the page and move ahead without making him feel guilty . You both have to heal and carry on and sounds like your both willing to do that so i wish you both the very best.
good luck
2006-10-11 18:08:02 · answer #1 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would seek the help of a professional counselor. I wouldn't go with your spouse to begin with. I would do some reflection of where you want your life to be in 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, etc. and decide if the cheating is something that you feel you can live with for the rest of your life.
I don't believe in the "once a cheater always a cheater" but there was something that caused your spouse to stray. It could be distance between the two of you, a difference in the way that you want to live your lives, your spouse fell out of love ... the possibilities are endless ... but continuing to badger yourself or your spouse for these answers has to start with you and a professional that can just listen and then offer advice based on their unbiased opinion.
If there was enough reason to be married in the first place, you owe it to your marriage to discover where the problems began and then decide if you want to continue with the marriage.
It is concerning to me that you are pregnant and that he cheated on you while you were pregnant. You need to remind each other that there are going to be MANY times when you both feel like running out the door (possibly into someone else's arms) and that you made a commitment to each other. He committed adultery at the end of the day and I would think long and hard as well as consult with a professional if it is in the best interest of you and your unobrn child to continue in the marriage.
I think that the worst decision that can be made is to compromise any part of your babies life based on decisions that the two of you are making because you are hurting in your relationship with each other.
Do not, above all else, hold your baby as any peace making treaty offer. Sometimes people are just better off without one another.
Good luck!
2006-10-11 08:35:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being that you married him, yes he deserves the second chance, ONLY if this is the first time he has EVER cheated on you. Everyone deserves a second chance (even though it is kind of EARLY in your marriage for this crap to happen!). You are doing your part by forgiving him, just remember that when you forgive, it doesn't make you forget. And being that you chose to forgive him, you CAN'T constantly throw it up in his face, because if you do that, it will never work. If you find out that he is still seeing the girl, carrying on a relationship with her, or if he does it again, you need to get out of the marriage. It's not worth being miserable to have him. I've been there, so I know it's easier said than done, but you and your CHILD are what's most important now.
2006-10-11 08:37:25 · answer #3 · answered by jennymustafa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's mighty swell of you to forgive him. I would have a really hard time with that. For you to be able to trust him 100% again will take a long time though. A lot of people would just dump him and move on, and I admire what you're trying to do here to make your relationship work. The best thing I can offer is counselling. It's extremely helpful and can put both of you back on the right track. You need to be careful though. If you forgive him too easily he's bound to do this again and again because he knows he can get away with it. Make sure you you make it perfectly clear to him how unacceptable it is in your eyes. I really hope everything works out for you, good luck.
2006-10-11 08:36:56 · answer #4 · answered by deepwaters05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are human, they will make mistakes. If this is the first time and he feels that badly and you want to forgive him then just let it go. Don't act suspicious and treat it like you love him and you have forgiven him. He may never stray again and that is what you are both thriving for. He has already been convicted for this time if he can't forgive himself. Just don't punish him for what you are afraid he will do in the future. If you make him do the time he will do the crime, if I may. You need to sit and talk about it WITH him not TO him and make your decisions on what is best to do for you both to let it go. This is called forgiving, you will never forget and niether will he. Oh, when you discuss it, don't act accusingly, he will get defensive and pull away. Also, let him do most the talking, it will help him to forgive himself and you will be able to see his anguish to give you a more positive state of mind. I hope things work out, God Bless.
2006-10-11 08:51:04 · answer #5 · answered by Liome 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust yourself, that's all I could do. I may be right may be wrong but, if I went with what I felt and not what other people think then I'm o.k. Not great but o.k. Make sure you know the truth, then trust what you feel. Know you maybe wrong however, you know why you made your decision. I was a cheater and I don't think once a cheater always a cheater. Everyone suffers from bad choices.....some not so many people know about......your child is a blessing no matter what!!! Make it this simple if you can. Write down on paper what you need, stipulations and what not, and let him tell you if he can do this for you... then it's his chance to decide if you can trust him or not. It wasn't your decision to cheat so don't let it be your decision to trust him, let it be his!
2006-10-11 14:40:50 · answer #6 · answered by Stacey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is quite possible that you may never regain trust again.
The truth is, the two of you aren't even past the newlywed stage and he's already cheated.
What makes you think he won't do it again in years to come?
He doesn't respect or love you. I swear by this. Any man that loves and respects his wife will NOT take part in infidelity.
I know that with you, it's a difficult situation. You're about to have your baby any day now. I think right now you shouldn't focus on your husband and what he did, worry about the baby. After she is born and her age starts progressing, you should go to marriage counseling (although I believe once a cheater, always a cheater) to help you start trusting him again.
2006-10-11 08:33:57 · answer #7 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a guy, and from my perspective, you need to get rid of his *** he cheated on you when you needed him most, and at a time when he should be happy as a pig in pooh about his baby coming. Instead he went out and got laid by some other chick..if you keep him be prepared to keep finding out he has bonked another chick..and just might be someone elses babydaddy..You don't want that, and its not fair for the kid to grow up seeing you being abused like that, because then the baby as it grows will think its ok to do that sort of thing..depending whether or not its a boy or a girl
2006-10-11 08:40:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the hardest thing about love is accepting someone for their faults and errors. Expectations are the mother of suffering, you have to realize you don't have control of his cheating. If he is going to do it he will. And if he does it is probably because he isn't happy with his situation and thinks a fling will improve it, and obviously he will realize it didn't improve anything. So on the same point, he has to realize his life probably won't turn out like he expected it to and he needs to learn to be happy with who and where he is.
His guilt is related to you, once he knows you have completely forgave him, only then will he forgive himself. He will never be the same if he thinks you still hold it against him.
2006-10-11 08:34:48 · answer #9 · answered by tightlies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth be told, most people put up with infidelity. So your pregnant, if anything he should be faithful out of respect! Your carrying his unborn child. The deal is, is that you will probably never get over it. It will eventually go to the back of your mind and not be thought of everyday. Then when he is late coming home or not answering the phone you will assume the worse. Most people secretly put up with their partners infidelity. Because you have already made up your ming to stay with him, you need to make sure that sincerely regrets what he has done. MAKE him earn trust. Just don't count on him to be true and faithful.
2006-10-11 08:43:08 · answer #10 · answered by ginajimmy22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋