A few months ago I took a stand with my husband. He was drinking way too much. One night he came home and was pushing me around and making physical threats. It got to the point that I felt I had to call the cops. Obviously, he got in some trouble. My problem is no longer with him - he has straightened up his act. My problem is with his family. When this was happening - his mother left me a message saying she would never forgive me and that I don't care about my husband. His brother left messages telling me nobody ever liked me, to get the F*** out of the house and that I wll be getting a F****** divorce. I have not seen these people since and have no desire to. I have been with my husband for 11 years and this is the reaction of his family. They must really not like me. With the holidays coming, my husband is telling me to let it go. How in the world do I do that?
2006-10-11 08:21:56 · 10 answers · asked by WI Gal 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
let it go? No way, demand an apology from each famil;y member if no apology is forthcoming, be noticeably absent from their celebrations
2006-10-11 08:25:05 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. It hurts when something is happening in a family and you are not supported by the entire family. The good thing is that because of what happened it brought around a change that was needed between you and your husband. As for his family, they are the ones that need to be making some changes, They need to learn that when something is happening in the family to keep their noses out of it. I would say that until they made a move to apologize for their actions that staying away from them is the best thing. You have a right to feel the way you do. If they don't like you then the best thing you can do is stay away from all of them. You have to stand up for how you feel, don't let your husband talk you into letting something go before you are ready to. Take some time and pray about what you should do next, but don't let the holidays put you into a forgiving mode until the ones who are to blame are willing to take responsibility for the hurtful things that they have said and done.
2006-10-11 08:31:53 · answer #2 · answered by Tammy G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is really difficult. I had a wonderful Mother-in-law that only cared about me and not the other two daughter-in-laws as they drank a lot. So she Loved me and I took care of her. But her other children picked me out. SO I never went there. I could not be around them after how badly they treated me and my children. Some are dead now and I don't have any regrets about not being close to them. If your In-laws were good to you before all this stuff happened, then there might be a chance to heal. But if they treated you , like dirt from the beginning, then I would continue to be gone. My in-laws always were mean to me and my beautiful children. They liked their brother/in-law, (my husband) but picked me and the children out. They knew my own family and who we were and we were never socially accepted. So I just realized that I didn't fit in and never pushed my self upon them. It is so sad when this happens. When you are young it is so difficult , as you yearn to be accepted, but after 25 years of marriage, then I did accept the fact that there was no loving communication. The two drunk Sister-in-laws are now dead. But I still associate very little with my husbands only sister. If the family was good to you, before this feud, then possibly you could give it a try. But your Mother-in-law, said she will never forgive you. So it is her move. She needs to tell you, that she did not mean it with much regret. Then it would be up to you. You said one thing, You have no desire to associate with those people. So don't go. For this 2006 Holiday Season, let them find out the empty chairs by the table are yours and the children. Hopefully, they will miss you and the children. Let your husband go alone. He too, will realize how he caused all the trouble by the drinking. Let them all find out how you have been wounded. Good Luck and I will hope and pray your family will heal.
2006-10-11 08:37:32 · answer #3 · answered by Norskeyenta 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand what you are going through. My husband is an only child. We met when I was 18 and I got pregnant about 9 months later. Of course his family accused me of trying to trap him, called me every name in the book, and told me I wasn't good enough for him. That continued for about 15 years!! We are still married, and now have 4 children. About 3 years ago, I finally got fed up! I no longer have any contact with his family.
My advice to you is not to let it get to that point if you can help it. It is your husbands responsibility to stand up for you. He needs to make it very clear that you are his wife, he loves you and he will not tolerate ANY disrespect to you! If he is not willing to do this, you may have a bigger problem than you think. You cannot and should not be expected to just let it go. There needs to be a discussion involving you, your husband, and his family. He needs to make it clear to them where he stands. You should not have to defend yourself against them. Besides, it would be meaningless without his support. I am sure that a lot of what they said was in the heat of the moment, and they spoke out of anger, but you deserve an apology!! Your husband needs to show his family that HE demands that they give you one!!! I suggest you have a conversation with your husband ASAP and try to plan a time to meet with his family--before the holidays. Clear the air and move on! Good luck to you!
2006-10-11 08:37:01 · answer #4 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband said let it go? Did he hear the messages? There should be some apology. There should be a demand from you two as a couple. Be sure to tell your husband EXACTLY how you felt about what they said. Be sure to tell him exactly what you expect from his family before things can be set right.
Or do not be a part of his family.
Surely they see that what he did was wrong. Did they get all the facts? Where they the same facts from you and your husband?
2006-10-11 08:28:15 · answer #5 · answered by RJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you cannot control other people's actions or reactions, only your own! You can behave as you always do, polite, refined and not allow them to prod you into a behaviour that you find offense. Before you go (or have them over) for any holiday activities, you and your husband need to be united...you have to back each other up, defend each other and take comfort in each other. If he cannot do that then any get togethers will be quite unpleasant!!
Your family is you and your husband. His family is him and you!
Good luck!!
2006-10-11 08:28:21 · answer #6 · answered by seaelen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those people sound kind of trashy to me. Your husband said to let it go but I would not dream of getting together with people that so obviously hate you. If you have kids, maybe you should try to work it out. If not, I would think long and hard about your relationship with your husband. He needs to support you and tell his family that he allows nobody to treat his wife like that or he'll never visit them again.
2006-10-11 08:26:12 · answer #7 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't. Tell your husband to grow a spine and present a united front on this. If he won't, you should seriously look into some couples counseling.
2006-10-11 08:30:29 · answer #8 · answered by RetroGirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start calling your Mother-In-Law the "Antichrist" and start calling his brother a "Carnie". Say it to their face, say it like you mean it. You'll never be invited back, you walk away laughing, they wind up miserable, it's a slam dunk victory all the way around.
2006-10-11 08:26:02 · answer #9 · answered by babalu2 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why did you marry into a family of bastards?
2006-10-11 08:26:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋