I do so much around here. Cleaning, homeschooling, cooking, taking care of the kids, working a part time job. Don't get me wrong, I love to do what I do (not the part time job, but the rest) but If I don't cook a couple of times, or am to tired to give the kids a bath and he has to he fusses me out. I realize he works 40 hrs a week, but he has weekends off. I never have a day off. :( Any help, opinions, thoughts of love would be greatly appreciated.
2006-10-11 07:59:38 · 13 answers · asked by lilmama 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you for answering my question from when I answered your previous post. Unfortunately, this is not an easy question to answer! I suggest you arrange with your husband to have a long, frank discussion about the division of work in the house, because it sounds like you are doing a LOT. It is completely acceptable for you to ask for his help, because doing all that you do is too much for any one person. Pick a couple of things that you wish for him to take over, and ask him to take them on as permanent responsibilities. If he resists, you may have to consider the discontinuation of home schooling, and tell him that you would do it. This would free up a little of your time, and perhaps make you less resentful of your husband's lack of assistance.
2006-10-11 08:06:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I sympathize with you... I'm in the same position!, besides the home-schooling that is, mine is too young for school. I wish a discussion with your husband was the answer but unfortunately men just dont get it. Friends of mine who work say they find it easier then the days they are home. Its a 24-7 job that you never get a minute away from!... So what I did is this... I told my husband I needed 1 hour a week of "me time" to do absolutely nothing!!! I either take that hour to sit in the bath and listen to music or to lay in bed and read a book (with ear-plugs in),, whatever the case may be I do it on Thursdays between 7-8 and all week I look forward to that 1 hour of peace and quiet and no matter what the house looks like or how dirty the kids are it is my hour ... not a lot to ask for and it really helps....
2006-10-11 15:35:00 · answer #2 · answered by bunky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already have your answer. Being a Mom/Wife/and work is a LOT of work. Sometimes a thankless job! But....you will always be thankful that you were there for your kids no matter what. They will love you so much for it. I know this because I've been exactly where you are. Now my little ones (son 14, daughter 16) are both in High School...and they can help a bit now. Although when they were younger I used to think "I can't wait until they get older"....now I'm thinking..."Man...that went by so FAST!. Before I know it they will be grown and out of the house!" Once I really realized how quickly time is going by...I learned to relax more. I'm trying to soak in every second I can with them because I know this time too will pass. They love me so much for what I've done for them. Yes...they do have the normal teenage sarcasm......but I know "This too will pass".....
Don't forget to make some time for yourself a priority. You will be a better mother and wife if you have some time for yourself. Tell them that when you are taking that time.
2006-10-11 15:09:06 · answer #3 · answered by Me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you are preaching to the choir!
The only piece of advice that I can give you (and I hope this is uplifting) is this ... Women are stronger than Men and if God wanted a Man to do our jobs, then He would have us working outside of the home.
Don't get me wrong, I know your pain and frustration, I feel the same way at times. I guess that the best comfort I get every day is that I am so blessed to be able to wake up every morning and see my babies face. I get that first smile, that last little hug and tug at my neck before bedtime, I get the memories of the bathes, and the walks, and the "first's". The cleaning comes with the territory, hate to break it to you. Trust me, I hate cleaning more than anyone -- ask anyone who knows me! -- but some of these things just are part of our "job". The best job in the world I might add.
What I try to remember at the end of the week, is that my Husband had his fair share of things that he hated to do during his workweek -- the same as me. Maybe not the cleaning and the cooking, but he had to hear the complaining, the whining, the angry clients, the co-workers that just can't get it together, etc.
I have also found that calling my girlfriends and venting helps from time to time. Guaranteed that at least one of them is feeling the same as me and then we can laugh at ourselves and know that we are in it together! : )
Everyone has a rough go of it now and then. Keep your head up and know that with all of your hard work, you are setting a great example for your kids and as they grow up, you will be able to give them some of the smaller jobs and responsibilities around the house and the burden will grow to be less.
From one Mom to another, please hang in there and know that you are not alone in the way that you feel. If you ever doubt your hard work, peek in our your kids when they are sleeping, playing, or don't think that you are watching, and cherish the beautiful miracles called YOUR kids.
Best of luck to you and wishing you all of the support in the world!
2006-10-11 15:08:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well let me tell you from experience you will get tired of it. Before long you will feel like only a maid and someone to clean house. Eventually you will not care what he thinks or gets mad at and then you will want to leave. He should help you even if he does work. Being a parent is 24/7 not if you work you don't have to help the kids. Tell him to stay home with them and do what you do and see how tired he is. If things don't change you will get tired of it and most of the time it will be to late. Have a talk with him and tell him how you feel because if you don't all this will build up and then it will blow one day. Don't be afraid he will get mad just tell him and let him get mad it will be better for you.
2006-10-11 15:08:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put it into perspective for him... Let him know being a mother never ends, you have to remember where EVERYONES "everythings" are at all times. after you work you still have to come home and decide whats for dinner, feed them, bathe them, and pay attentions to all of them (the man too) and clean. So what he works a full time job... Does he want an award this is his household too right... your right though men rarely do much of anything with out a fight so even if he bumps up the help once in a while, be gratefull.
I was a single mother for so long time and now that i have a man around fulltime i wonder why. i was content with just one "kid" but now my son and I have someone to go out to dinner with now and then.... LOL
I wish you the best of Luck!
2006-10-11 15:07:50 · answer #6 · answered by Stuffin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your hurt and anger comes from your husband fussing at you when you don't do something, instead of giving you support and thanking you for what you do do for him and your children. Yeah, he works 40 hours a week, but as a mother your working 24/7. If your husband could give you some positive feedback instead of negative, that would help you to feel much better about things.
2006-10-11 15:54:07 · answer #7 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he is mad really at himself. Not being able to provide well enough so that you don't have to work that other job. IF he were only better/made more money then you wouldn't be too tired to do all those things. SO in yelling at you he is really screaming at himself. if that makes sense when men feel like they havea short coming they take it out on others....
2006-10-11 20:12:43 · answer #8 · answered by tweedy778 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being just bomb barted is not fun.. put the kids in public school , if he won't help you. get a nanny or cook. not alot of money , make your threats to your hubby anyway! maybe he will wake up an realize the load you do have on you!
2006-10-11 15:08:33 · answer #9 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you do the work of 2 full time jobs, and you need some help. They aren't just your kids, it's not just your house, your dirt, your laundry. He needs to act like a responsible adult, not a selfish kid....
2006-10-11 15:05:12 · answer #10 · answered by daj11551 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋