What should I do with my "wrong" emotions?

Question

I am scared to admitt to myself that the decission I made 2 weeks ago was the right one (to leave my fiancee - 2 years of relationship, loveless, dead-end, we were living as a room-mates not as a lovers for months!). I am scared to death of being lonely (30 years old, Europian girl). Also, I am frightened because I have some emotions for one of colleagues which I see very very rarely :(
So, I am running away from fiance to run into a something unknown. Therefore I have identity crisis (who am I, where I am going, what should I do, do I believe in love, in luck, in ..life? ) and I am crying a lot, for two months already, bad, bad, bad!

What is wise to do - to find a way to stay in relationship with ex-fiance (he is good and nice and that is not good enough), or to ...be alone on my own again and, maybe, terribly in loved in someone almost unreachable?!

Everything seems to be questionable!

:( ...and winter is coming, and I am so afraid of feeling loneliness and cold

Answer 1

Don't make a decision based on emotion. Seek therapy and find yourself first. Use this time to figure yourself out before you get involved with anyone else.

Answer 2

Well you sure did the right thing by leaving a loveless relationship instead of going ahead and marrying and latter getting a divorce because nothing ever changed. I think your just overwhelmed with emotion right now. It's only been two weeks since you broke up. I wouldn't go back to your finance if I were you. I think you realized that it wasn't meant to be so that's why you ended it. So stick with your decision. It was your gut instinct and that's always best. Don't be in a rush to find someone else. I think you really need some time to yourself to sort through your emotions your feeling right now. It may help to go to counseling if need be to help you with them. If a relationship with this colleague of yours is meant to be, then it will happen. Just maybe not at the pace you want it to. Just let nature take it's course. Hang in there, it will get better.

Answer 3

If it doesn't "feel right" to be in this relationship - leave. It may be one of the most difficult decisions you have to make in your life, but I think in the end you will be grateful you did. Do NOT rush into "being in love" with anyone... It's tempting, you have the need to fill the void - but this makes it all the more dangerous. Take time out for yourself; get out more, hang out with your friends, take up a hobby you'd never have time for before, go to a place you've always wanted to visit, read good books, take a vacation to see your family, or have them visit you. Re-connect with important people in your life. 30 is not a bad age to start anew; I just got married again, and I'm 32. People get married later and later these days. Don't be afraid to step into the unknown; just use common sense, and learn your lessons as you go. Good luck.

Answer 4

Perhaps another perspective you can take with this, is similar to that of a child protective service worker that has to make tough decisions about the placement of a child with one or the other parent. But in your case, you're deciding whether to go forward with leaving your fiancee or try to go back to him. The theory behind the two problems is similar. Decide what's best for the child (not a parent) and in your case, decide what's better for your fiancee. Your scenario talks only about your own trauma, needs, and confusion. Your fiancee may have suffered through these mood swings also, and may deserve to be liberated from a lifetime sentence of the same thing. As you search through your inner sole, keep him in mind as an 'equal' partner for the right to achieve happiness, and unless you can make life better for him...then it may be more humane to leave him alone. Only you can decide. Only you knows the answer to this one.

Answer 5

I honestly know where you are coming from. I have stayed in a relationship like that for 10 years (living like roomates, dead end) and everyday I wonder what else is out there. Your situation is not the same as mine but I think you did the right thing. I ended up marrying him and wish I could go back and change things when I had the opportunity. I wish you the best!!!

Answer 6

That is so sad! I hear that you feel like you're getting older, and that you are afraid of loneliness. However, I think that the best thing you could possibly do for yourself is to confront your fears. Be alone for awhile. Spend time with friends and/or family. Learn that you can be a strong, emotionally independent person. Once you have done that, you will find that you will attract a man of good character, who appreciates and respects you.

Answer 7

First off, there are no wrong emotions - forget that idea.

I understand loneliness, especially when you are used to being with someone, but isn't there some way you can become best friends with yourself? What music do you like? Should you get a pet? There are ways that you can learn to adapt to being by yourself. Isn't it better to be alone and happy then with someone and miserable?

You're basing your happiness on your relationship status - base your happiness on yourself, how much you love yourself, your confidence. This will get easier with time.

Good luck

FP

Answer 8

You dont want to go back to a dead end relationship do you? He may be nice and good and all that But it seems as if its over. If this other man is unreachable then dont waste your time honey. Enjoy being single!!

Answer 9

Emotions aren't wrong, they're just the way you feel, sad scared afraid of being alone. Listen to all these great answers. Find your own happiness first and things will probably fall into place just right. Partners don't make you happy, you make you happy. Partners are their to share in that happiness.

Answer 10

first of all, emotions are neither right, nor wrong. they just "are".

You are going through the same thing I went through when I got rid of my wife who was screwing everything on 2 (and four) legs.

I worried about all the things you are worrying about right now. Guess what? Get a cat. join a club. start living.

you'll be ok. the human spirit is stronger than you think.