Confused...What should I do?

Question

I have been only married for 2 years but my husband and I have had many many issues! I love him dearly but he is such a control freak and wants everything done his way. I made the mistake of not standing up for myself initially and let him do whatever he wanted. He parties, hangs out with his friends almost every weekend. We never really have alone time to go out and do things other than stay at home. Which is fine sometimes. He has been abusive but he has learned to be much better and patient with me...but now whenever we argue or fight...I tend to leave the house or not go home at all, usually go to my parents, I know things are not going to get better that way by running away..but I am afraid that he will hurt me again - like I will become the helpless child and I hate that feeling. I want to take back control of my life. I feel we both lost trust in one another - his abuse and my abandonment. I want this to work but sometimes I feel it is better when we are apart.

Answer 1

For starters, PLEASE don't have kids with him. You do not want to raise a child in that type of environment. Secondly, leave him. Abusive husbands never get better, only worse. I have a sister in an abusive relationship in which she had two children and the control and abuse got much worse. Get out while you can and God Bless You.

Answer 2

What you feel is correct. You will be better off apart. NO marriage is worth saving when there is ABUSE!! Your smart by leaving when you start to argue. It could end up in him hurting you again. Abused people tend to blame themselves for the abuse. In turn making you feel as though your a helpless child. To take back control of your life, you need to leave him and file for divorce. This guy is NOT the person for you. It's only going to get worse. Women have died because they stayed with an abusive partner. Pack your bags and don't go back. He is what he is, but you DO NOT have to put up with this, you don't deserve it at all. Remember that.

Answer 3

As you stated, you did not stand up for yourself in the first place. Maybe this is what he was expecting though. I would be afraid to tell you to put your foot down now, due to the fact that you state that he has been abusive. Try consuling, if he will not, try staying away longer and make him either realise that he either can or cannot live without you.

Either way this is a win for you. With you, you gain a liitle more control from him. Without you, you gain total control back of your life.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Divorce... No, really. If you feel better when you're not around him, this pretty much tells you you're making a huge mistake by wasting more time with him. Everyone makes mistakes, there's nothign shameful in admitting it. It would be much sadder if 10 years from now you're still in the same situation, and are just as miserable - only then you won't have much of a chance of finding someone else.

Answer 5

Women to women, You love you husband true enough but there are good times and bad times. It sounds like you've been through both. For some men it's a transition they have to go through being single and all of a sudden being married. It's more easier for women to change but men they are sometimes like little boys and want what they want, when they want it. In your case no marriage is worth saving if he's putting his hands on you. Some women like to get hit on as crazy as that may sound but they are out there and they think that's love. Love you 1 time & get out now before he eventually kills you. It happens just think about what's best for you and not what's best for your marriage because he's not thinking about his wife when he's out doing whatever he's doing. And you never know he may even be cheating on you. Girl kick rocks up out that house if you love yourself. It's way too many Good men out there that do appreciate women and your dude is not one of them from how it sounds. Be safe.

Answer 6

I had some pretty tough times when I first got married but it was never abusive, and I spent the majority of my time with my wife. This situation, however, sounds pretty bad.

If he is abusing you, you should probably leave, but talk to some friends first. Don't make a major life decision based on feedback you get in Yahoo Answers.

Good luck.

FP

Answer 7

first of all how old are you? and this there any kids involved ?
i have been with someone that seems to be the same way i have been through it all and its not a nice feeling trust me i have been in your shoes i am not married but we live toghter for 3 years we have a 2 yrs little girl. i just recently moved back with him we had been split up for 1 month and he decied that he was gonna change for me and his daughter. we have notice that trust and communaction plays a big role. he attend a class for his anger and some abuise classes i feel like that has help us both .email me at [e-mail] for more questions

Answer 8

I am sorry to say, but it is time to get out of this marriage. It sounds like he would like to continue on with his life as if he were single. He is not making the sacrifices required of a spouse. The abuse is an even bigger flag. Get out, and you will have the power you seek; you will once again control your own destiny.

Answer 9

Don't ever let a man abuse you. Do it once, shame on him-- do it twice, shame on you! When he does it once, get out and don't come back unless he's been in counseling for it for at least a YEAR and has majorly changed from the counseling. Other than that, he won't change and you don't have to stand for that kind of treatment.

Answer 10

You owe it to yourself and to your marriage to do all you can to save it before quitting. I would suggest that you seek the help of a marriage counslor. If he will not go with you then go by yourself, then if things dont work out then you will know you did all you can. The first few years of marriage are challenging and it can be a big adjustment for both of you, give it all you have.