I'm 26. My paternal Grandmother just passed away on Monday. My bio father left us when I was 4 and we have had little contact since. My mother has resentment for my father's family and will not be attending the funeral and neither will my brother because they think funerals are for the living. I kept in contact with my Grandmother through letters, cards and gifts on her birthday. I feel so horrible that I couldn't be closer to her or say goodbye. I took the rest of this week off from work. My mom says I shouldn't have. I took the time off because I am still deciding if I should go (the funeral is on Saturday). My reason for not going is that I am low on cash and the funeral is 7 hours away. I feel a little better today, less crying at least. My mom asked me "Do you think this (time off) is what Grandma would want you to do?" I just feel like I need to take a little time off even if I decide not to go to the funeral. I feel like my mom doesn't understand. Am I being too dramatic?
2006-10-11 06:35:37 · 12 answers · asked by ND 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Chick,
You've got two sets of genes.
One set from your momma and one set from your dadda.
It is not prudent to go to the funeral if you can barely afford it but it sounds as though you really loved your grandma even though you didn't get to spend all that amount of time with her.
Please take some time off.
You deserve to clear your head and become at peace with yourself.
Sort out those emotions first before you try to face the world because it might hurt more in the long run
2006-10-11 06:46:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry, but thats kinda weird that your family thinks that funerals are for the living, because that is the whole point in a funeral right???? Anyways, No No NO...go to the funeral. Your grandma obviously loved you, and only you from what I hear from the rest of the family. I dont exactly know if thats what your grandmother would have wanted you to do ( taking time off work), but I'm sure she would appreciate you going, and paying your due's. Yes you might be a little broke in the end because of gas money and things like that, but in the end you will feel better knowing that you went. And for your mother telling you not to go. Thats only because she is jealous that the grandma liked and cared about you. She is just trying to get you not to go, because she would have liked to!!! No your not being dramatic. GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-10-11 13:46:35 · answer #2 · answered by TayNuz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had a connection to this woman that the rest of your family did not have. You need an opportunity to say good by. If finances are a concern, then writing her a letter and see if you can have the funeral home put it in the casket.(You may need to fax it to them to have that happen) Consider talking with some one from that side of the family, tell them your predicament and maybe they can help you with transportation. It is terrribly difficult to lose someone you had a good relationship with, and it seems your mother does not understand your feelings. You can't change that no matter how much you talk with her about it. But, I do not think you are being too dramatic. I'm not sure I would take a week off of work, but I do understand the need to grieve. Perhaps there is a bereavement group near you where you can go and speak of you loss in a place without judgement.
2006-10-11 13:44:47 · answer #3 · answered by sev1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what? Everyone deals with grief in their own ways. When my beloved grandma died last year, I took off only 2 days from work, and everyone thought THAT was weird since we were so close and everything. My deal was, I couldn't handle being home with nothing but memories of her floating around, and with my mom crying over it, anymore. I just wanted to get back to work and get it off my mind for a few hours every day. Maybe our mom's more like me that way and she can't understand that some people do better moving on as quickly as possible, while other people need to take time to let the death really sink in. Especially if this is your first experience with death of a relative. You and your mom may have to agree to disagree on how you feel about this one, although I must admit I don't like the idea of funerals either, but if it is something you feel you need to do for closure, then you should go ahead and attend it.
2006-10-11 13:45:22 · answer #4 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being too dramatic. Death in the family is not easy to deal with, especially if you weren't able to say goodbye. I think you yourself should know whether or not you're making the right decision. If you were working all week you would probably feel guilty. This way you have time to relieve your pain and decide whether or not to go to the funeral. Personally funerals help me, it's a way to pay your respects and say goodbye that way. I hope you come up with enough money to go! Pack a lunch, and just save up for gas money. Good luck! Sorry for your loss.
2006-10-11 13:42:24 · answer #5 · answered by LovingPerson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I would go to the funeral and pay my respects. You kept in touch with her all these years and you should go the the funeral whether your mother agrees or not. If you have to, borrow the money to go. This will help you through the pain and hurt of losing your grandmother.
2006-10-11 14:07:23 · answer #6 · answered by Old_Brat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel but the best way to heal the wound is to keep busy, which work would do. I would definitely go to the funeral and take time off for that. I think you'll regret in the future if you don't go.
2006-10-11 13:40:18 · answer #7 · answered by sidnyrb772 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm speaking from experience and a good day off work does wonders as you can get yourself together to carry on. Your Grandmother would want you to carry on your life as usual and your not being too dramatic. Losing a loved one can take time.
2006-10-11 13:57:13 · answer #8 · answered by Rufus 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it is making you feel better to be at home and grieve then thats good. some people take time to get over death even if you werent close to the person. if you cant go to the funeral then do something your grandma would have wanted you to do.
2006-10-11 13:38:45 · answer #9 · answered by ms01 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you sound like you have ur head on straight...
your mom just doesn't understand your connection
go to the funeral..its outta respect...you and your grandma kept in touch and missing her funeral isn't right...7 hours isn't that bad...i'd go, but thats just me
2006-10-11 13:40:11 · answer #10 · answered by lilkitty4eva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋