Straight guy attitudes.?

Question

SO I set two friends up on a date. They had known each other through me for a few years and I knew the girl was interested in the guy. Turns out they slept together the first night. Now he is saying that he can't really respect her because she slept with him. To me that is stupid, she never said she doesn't respect him, AND he was the one who made the 'move'. The guy is my neighbor and best friends with my husband. But now I am ticked at him for acting this way. He normally eats at our house 3-4 times a week but really I just want to distance myself from this selfish jerk.

Do most straight men think this way?

Do ANY gay men think this way?

When I was single and scored on the first date that just meant there would be a second date for sure!

Answer 1

Tab,
What an asshole. He treated your friend like garbage. He has issues - and probably is the reason he is still single. He obviously has little respect for you either - because he knew she was a good friend of yours, but still treated her like crap, and then told you about it.

I wouldn't characterize the attitude as straight or gay. There are jerks like this in every "lifestyle." Often they just are playing the game and are trying to find the one that they want to spend forever with. The problem is, they sleep with everyone along the way, and eventually, they get old, and people won't sleep with them anymore. Then they end up all alone, eating at your home 3 to 4 times a week, because they have no one to spend time with of their own.

I'd confront him - tell him you expect him to appologize to your other friend; otherwise there will be "awkwardness" and you just don't want to be around that sort of drama.

I'm with you - If I am going to sleep with them once, I'm probably going to want to do it again.

Have a great evening.

TJ

Answer 2

Many men do think this way, and it's totally hypocritical. They say a woman is a slut because she slept with a guy on the first date, but the guy is a stud for doing so. Our culture still has a Madonna/whore complex - women are supposed to be virtuous and chaste and not enjoy sex. Sex is supposed to be something we endure while lying back and thinking of England. Women who enjoy sex and pursue it are seen as damaged or inferior.

The fact that he would sleep with her and then diss her when he was also involved says that he's shallow and immature. She deserves better.

Answer 3

This is a straight man looking for a mate. He is not willing to settle for a woman that will settle for him he wants a woman he has to work for. If he works hard and she eventually succumbs to his charms then he is usually able to respect har as being worthy of him as a mate because he doesn't feel like she is easy to get.
Gay men usually just want sex so they dont care and want it to be easy.
No offence meant.
I by no means think this attitude is right or is prevalent in either gay or straight culture.

Answer 4

Well I see as an excuse from your male friend. Seems she was good enough to have sex, but nothing more. this is common both in the gay or str8 world. The guy has issues, and you just got to see one of them. I suggest no more fixing him up with anyone. Distance yourself maybe alittle bit and open your eyes. He may be using you too.

Answer 5

How can you respect somebody that flings their legs open on a first date? You might talk to them afterward , but as for respect they get none. It's different for women than it is men. If you're a lady act like one , not like a skank and then think that you should get any kind of respect otherwise. Any female knows what kind of perception men get from them giving it up on the first date. If you decide to do it as an adult that's fine, but live with the consequences of that decision and move on.

Answer 6

Old ideas die hard! By this, I mean the "Double Standard."
Just when we think we are past it, it crops up again, if not absurdly (as in this case), then in subtle, insidious ways.
This old Double Standard says, basically: "It's OK for men but not for women." Do most straight men think this way? No, not your average, well-adjusted, "hip" men. But this jerk is "pulling rank," so to speak (reverting to the old double standard), to dodge the issue of continuing the relationship (cowardice!).

Answer 7

i think some str8 men act that way and others don't, maybe he is just using that as an excuse for others reasons why he may not want to get involved with her, maybe he isn't really attracted to her or maybe he just doesn't want to get serious yet, only he know's the true answer, i would continue being friends with him but just ask him some probing questions to see if there is more to it than that

Answer 8

Sounds like he used you to get laid. As your husband's best friend; his actions showed lack of respect for you, your man, and the poor woman. Until he apologizes to your friend (woman), I would distance myself from him. After all, you aren't in the pimping business! One more things; it places you in an awkward position.

Answer 9

What a jerk, I think he is lying... He must not be completely attracted to her or the sex wasn't all that.... If it was good he would be calling for a 2nd date... But I wouldn't hang out with him anymore.. Actually I would confront him and tell him I think he is a pig... So Back a pig and invite him to dinner and tell him..

Answer 10

That person is immature and interested only in himself. I wouldn't set him up with anyone. Too, I might even tell him how I feel about his actions, self-gratification, and disregard for my friend.