My girlfriend And I have been Fighting......?

Question

My Lady and I are fighting about the kids again. Her daughter gets away with so many things and it finally got to me. I advised my Lady of how I was feeling and she said I was over reacting. I told her she under reacts, or simply ignore’s anything happing. I care about her daughter and her well being and I’m a very fair person and role model for her children. Financially they are all spoiled and I don’t let my lady take the burden of being a single mother. I pay for groceries, school clothes, cell phones, soccer camp. Down payment on her older son’s truck, etc. Now that my lady told me that she will raise her daughter the way she wants to raise her. I have now decided to remove my self financially. If she will not see our partner ship as beneficial to her daughter then I must back off completely. I will not be bank of girlfriend for her any longer.. Do you think I did the right thing? Ask me further question and I will edit

We have been together for almost two years. I'm very supportive of her relationship with her children.. I feel they are too old for me to disipline them. So it needs to come from her... If we do not work out for Financial reasons, I would rather know now, than spend my time with someone who just wants me for money. Yes we live together. Her daughter is very reseptive to me and repects me.

She was ingnoring me for days and so I went to a friends last night and had dinner. I wrote her a letter, she has not responded nor tried to work through this. I have cut the money off not to spite her but why should I help support her kids when I dont even have an opion that counts. She is being an a.s.s.hole, and her ex husband isnt taking care of his responibilties and its not my duty. So the way I see it is she can tell me to eat s.h.i.t. and I just wont kick in as a step parent would. I help because I want a healthy family that is taken care of... If she separates the family than why should I have to pay for it.

The kids are 15, 21, 23. girl, boy, boy

Secret, i'm so glad to see you are back and feeling better.... Thank you

I'm sorry about your kitty, thats horrible.. I do know what you mean... I'm the one compromising constantly and she doesnt put forth effert, she is stubborn when it comes to her kids... I'm sick of arguing about it.. Its her problem because she wants it that way...

Answer 1

i'm sorry fighting with the person you love is the worst. you guys NEED to sit down, stay calm, not get defensive and just discuss what will benefit EVERYONE. you can do this without fighting. you guys are a family so you have to always communicate and find a solution that's in everyone's benefit. How old are the kids? You know I think you're an awesome lady, but don't use $ to try to get her to give you parenting rights, because that's only going to provoke the fighting. Like i said i would take a day and sit everyone in the family down to discuss things. You can go to family counceling, or just do it by yourself. in order for this to work, you have to keep your cool, and make sure everyone does the same thing. Ask them if they view you as part of the family. if they say yes, then you should maybe have a say in what's going on in the household. if they say no, back off, it's a huge loss on their part and they'll feel sooo bad to say that and hurt you. if this does happen, yes do take some space. always continue being the wonderful person you are. don't let disturbances in life get you down and turn you bitter. i would REALLY weird about anyone telling me how to raise my kids too, i would not allow it. i like having control of my life, but if it's the woman of my dreams and she's part of my family it would be different. i would at least consider her suggestions before i made a decision. Relationships are hard work and take a lot of compromise sometimes, but in the long run it is worth it :) i hope things work out and you guys will straighten it out. I was the biggest brat when i was a kid. I'm so SERIOUS i was the biggest nightmare in the world, especially to my mom's boyfriends no matter how nice they were to me. so don't take it personally, they're just kids/teenagers that's how it is. Be your kind self and they will see that. They will grow up soon and appreciate you and even confide in you when they need someone to talk to :)
Sending positive thoughts your way.

EDIT: ok this is TOTALLY not the same situation, so pls dont get offended or anything, but it's a little similar. i just adopted a little kitten and he's really hyper. he kept us up for the first couple of days and my gf's a full time student and needs her sleep. we faught over not keeping the kitten in our bedroom at night while we slept. i, of course want my kitten to get used to sleeping in bed with me and my girlfriend didn't because he kept her up for the first 2 days. i told her that he's gotten better lately and he doesn't do it anymore but it seemed like she wouldnt' give him another chance. she said i let him run the whole show, with is totally not true because i discipline him also and spray his cute little furryass with the spraybottle when he's naughty. and plus when he did wake us up i got up fed him and put him ouside the room, so it's not like i was letting him "run the show". we got all pissy at each other and she was like well i can't stay the night at your house anymore and i said FINE! well we love each other so that won't work. we had to talk things out. i told her since my baby boy of 9 years passed away i miss having a kitty sleep with me by my side so much that i NEED my newly adopted kitten to be curled up by my side, and that i can't wait until he grows up and mellows out. she understood and softened up a little bit. sometimes what it takes to get things to work is compromise for both ppl and for us to not get defensive and just tell each other who's right. when i'm a little more sensitive and tell her how i feel instead of get pissed off she truly does listen. she's still staying the night at my house, the kitty sleeps all through the night now and i make more of an effort to go stay at her house too so we're balanced. it's not the same situation, but the point is when we're fighting we both want to be right and that's normal but once i opened up to her and told her WHY it's so important to me to have him in my bed (my best friend of 8 or 9 years, my kitty boy got hit by a car) and i started crying, she did listen.

Answer 2

I think you did the right thing by cutting them off finacially.
What point is ther to keep paying for a bunch of spoiled brats who don't even listen to you?
If you two are in a relationship with children involved, it means that you both must share the responibilities together.
Now if she doesn't want you to do that, even if you're trying so hard to be a role model to them, it's just not worth it.
If she wants to raise her kids her way, then she should also pay for all the stuff that they want extra.
You just pay the stuff that are really needed like food.

Answer 3

My next door neighboor and good friend just went through this same type of thing last year. He finally closed the bank account because he felt he was getting no respect. I thought he did completly right. However, the lady ended up leaving him - she said it was over other stuff but I have my doubts. I think you should close the wallet and tell her why, but you might end up alone as a result.

Answer 4

i think you did what you needed to do, the only downside is that it may change the way your lady feels toward you, it would be like a man telling his wife, i don't agree to your decision so i'm cutting off the money. i don't think many wifes would be happy with that especially if they are allready acustom to a certain standard of living that you've help provide, plus using money as a leverage for disagreeing will only further complicate the relationship, because you lady will always feel you will use money to get your way

Answer 5

You may have done the right thing and for the right reasons but women with children tend to find lawyers who want you to financially involve yourself even if they don't want your physical presence or other inputs. I think you might shop for jobs and home in another state pretty soon, just in case.

Answer 6

Don't do that. Whatever her daughter does, don't pay any attention to her. If she grounds her and leaves teh house, let her daughter do whatever she wants. She wants to raise her daughter right??? Well let her but nobody else is going to do it for her so just act like she isn't even around. Then she would change her mind eventually.

Answer 7

If y'all live together, you both need to stop thinking of these kids as "hers". They are "yours", because everything you both have is each others'. And you have the same rights that any stepfather would have.

There are family therapists who are LGBT-friendly, and advertise in the LGBT press. Do you think she might be receptive to that?

Answer 8

Please do me a favor, Listen to Tom Leykis show. He will be a great help to your situation!! Free FM at los angeles. Check his website and listen to him live M-F 3pm-8pm PST online. Trust me on this! www.blowmeuptom.com

Answer 9

dude, it's something about her, not about you...you're being as caring as efficient as you can, step back, take a closer look and move accordingly.

Answer 10

do you live together? how long have you been together? It does sound like the right thing.Maybe you should have done it sooner.