She wont approach me in a suggestive way, nor appreciate my advances, she just pushes me away and has done for 8 years. We have 3 kids (from early in the marriage). I thought something was wrong with me and I tried everything (being kind to her, gifts etc) but nothing worked. Seems she's just selfish. Any ideas where I'm going wrong?
2006-10-11 05:58:20 · 25 answers · asked by kdr32000 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
SHE'S GETTING IT ELSEWHERE!!! BEWARE!!!
2006-10-11 06:00:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you meet someone, fall in love - it's great but after having children a woman goes through such a change physically and mentally. ie her once perfect body is different ie marks/sags/wrinkles/scars and then her children never leave her alone sometimes suffocating her independence. The joys of motherhood!
This can lead to depression which will go up and down like a yo-yo. She has lost confidence and that sparkle as the everyday chores maintaining a 3-child family with you has taken its toll.
Sounds like medication would help or suggest a visit to a marriage counsellor. When someone has depression the last thing they want is sex; they can't cope with everyday life. It must draining for you.
Insist you start going out together twice a month without the kids to see a film or have a meal. You need to start enjoying each other's company again. If there was something years ago that made you laugh, try and and relive that experience.
If this all fails then maybe it's time you moved on. Children want happy parents not 'robots'.
good luck.
2006-10-11 13:39:54 · answer #2 · answered by Isabelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a simple equation. Give her what you get from her. When 0=0,
its time to leave. Let her know that you have had enough of her distance. You need some affection, and yes, sex as well.
Give her the word that you do not have another year of this existence and some change is required from her or you are gone.
If that does not do it leaving may be sooner than later.
This sounds like the classic case of the mate as mother instead of wife. Both roles are required. You can probably get a nanny for less money than maintaining a wife so its not about the kids.
Let her know that you will not accept this attitude for the rest of your life.
Good Luck.
2006-10-11 13:30:50 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shes not selfish, but shes probably depressed. I bet she would love to tell you how she really feels but she doesn't know where to start.Trust me,once she opens up to how she feels there will be no stopping her, and it will feel like a great weight has been lifted off her shoulders. I have just been through something very similar, so I know how your wife must be feeling. I still love my husband but I am not in love with him, we have nothing in common what so ever, we have grown apart over the years, we want different things out of life. our children are 16 and 21, so they were old enough to understand and my eldest wasn't surprised! We are going our separate ways. Don't you think it is better to be apart and happy than to be together and making each other bloody miserable? Good luck to you both.
2006-10-12 07:31:19 · answer #4 · answered by poshpasha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you say 'romance' and 'advances' what do you mean.
Do you only go to kiss and cuddle her when you want sex? Do you say positive and nice things to her thorughout the day? Do you make sure you have time just the two of you - no kids. no telly?
Doing these is not a quick fix. You have spoilt her trust in you by only being physically close to her when you want sex and it could take a very long time to earn that trus back. Counselling is a good way to start, you can prove to her that you are serious about having a happy and healthy relationship and maybe find out where you both went worng in trying to achieve that.
2006-10-11 13:06:31 · answer #5 · answered by Leapling 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She is probably punishing you for things that you have done in the past that has hurt her. If not, she is selfish.
Wait until the kids are 18 and out of the house to get a divorce, at least that way you won't have some other strange man in the house with your kids if she dates or remarries.
Sorry about that.
2006-10-11 13:14:44 · answer #6 · answered by redbeansandrice 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
has she gained weight over the years after having kids?...has anything happened tragically in the last 8 yrs?...one of her relatives passed away, like a mother or father?...has she been depressed at all?...I don't believe the "if I ain't gettin' it someone else is" crap, we women can get low selfesteam, or get depressed, and maybe she isn't feeling good about herself...It is very admirable that you are kind to her, gifts etc. that means you are a caring man, and there are few of them it seems reading some of these questions on this site....You have needs, to be close to her, and when you don't I bet you feel rejected....You two need to have a serious conversation about that....maybe some counceling...but she is your wife, and you two need to really talk...don't let her sweep it under the rug, if its cause she isn't feeling good about herself, let her go seek counceling for that by herself, maybe she just needs someone to talk to that isn't personally involved.....hope things work out for you both...
2006-10-11 13:10:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well my parents are kind of in the same situation. My mom dont get close to my dad or nothing but thats because he has hurt her a lot in the past like they say "bruces fade but the pain doesnt go away" well i really dont know much about your relationship but maybe just let her see that your a good guy. Like i said i dont know anything about your relationship but sometimes aslot depends at what age she got married i know this happend to my aunt, but now their perfect. Try having a really good conversation with her just u two, and if you see that shes not intrested ask her why? and tell her that you been doing your best to keep her happy.
GoodLUck
2006-10-11 13:09:59 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it's just that caring for 3 young children is exhausting, she doesn't care for sex as much as having a good night sleep.
Try sending the kids off to Grandma for the weekend and plan a very romantic and sexy weekend for her...like taking her to a hotel or simply take her for a romantic dinner out then come back home for some ACTION.
If this doesn't work then u have to talk to her and see what the problem is.
2006-10-11 13:11:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you out of shape? Maybe she finds it hard to be physically attracted to you. Or if she has low self-esteem that can alter a woman's sex drive. She'll need to learn how to feel good about herself. If nothing is working than you should ask her to go to counseling with you. That way you can work something out and fix your relationship.
2006-10-11 13:06:22 · answer #10 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There's nothing wrong with you, it's your wife has the problem. Have you tried tying her up and performing oral sex on her, if she's normal it will just drive her wild for you. Good luck.
2006-10-12 02:48:22 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋