My girlfriend and I have been together for over 3 years, we are both 22. We just moved in together and because of that, I've started to really think about the future. I want to have kids eventually, probably when I'm in my 30's but I know I eventually want them. My gf doesn't want to have kids, she thinks it is selfish to have kids when there are all these other children up for adoption in this world. She said she wouldn't mind adopting eventually but she doesn't like the idea of having her own kid. I don't want to adopt ever, I would much rather have children of my own. I know we're young but I feel like I might be better off finding a girl that wants to have kids. I love my girlfriend very much and she's my best friend but having kids (or not having kids) can be a deal breaker. If I have to cut it off, I'd rather it be sooner than later, know what I mean? So what should I do? I love her a whole lot but we differ on that one subject.
2006-10-11 05:51:16 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well... it's good that you are thinking of these things now before it's too late! Good for you!
I found out a few years ago that the "children" topic was never discussed before my parents got married. Come to find out, my dad wanted kids, but my mom didn't. Even though she didn't want kids... my dad still got her pregnant (3x) by "accident" on purpose.
My mom found this out about 10 years ago and she was MAD! Although she loves us kids... she hated my dad for doing that. (And personally... I think it was a rotten thing to do).
The reason for the story - if you seriously want kids and she doesn't, it could tear your relationship apart later. From what I can tell, it already bugs you! You need to sit down with your girlfriend before anything more "permante" than a move in happens and talk to her about the 'kid' issue. Tell her that there really is no way to compromise on the topic. (You can't have half a kid!) ;)
You need to have a serious talk with her and tell her that this NEEDS to be discussed before your relationship can move on.
If you decide to have kids later, GREAT! If she still can't even consider the possibility... it would be time time cut off the relationship. OR you will have to decide if you would rather have the relationship without the children. You will have to give up the idea of having children altogether if you want to continue the relationship and get married.
You could tell her that you want her to know that at any point she decides to change her mind on the babies to let you know... otherwise, it won't be a topic ever brought up again. And stick to it. Love her and the endless quality time you to can spend together!
It's either change your mind or change the status of the relationship. Don't even think about trying to change her mind... she'll hate you for it.
2006-10-11 06:15:02 · answer #1 · answered by InnerBeauty28 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you shouldn't stay with her! As her baggage is apart of her. There isn't really anything wrong with what they are saying. any adult would know that. but there is maybe how they say it could be better. You being older show know that no matter what the case is you are a role model to those kids. reguardless if your in pain or not. As for the other things sounds to me there needs to be some sort of a mother/father figure ... i see none. To slam a door and break something, to leave trash in the living room. These kids are lucky they are not mine they would get a swift kick in the rear. things haven't changed to much it's how the kids are raised. If you don't like these kids did your girlfriend raised them or sit them infront of a tv. She is letting them disrespect you. i'm sorry i'm not a person who handles that very nicely for starters talk to y our girl friend because not talking about it is very childish. state how you feel and what you think would be some great sugestion on how to make it stop. if you can't come up with suggestions to help out your girlfriend then maybe it's best you find another!
2016-03-28 05:04:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a very similar situation except . . . I'm like your girlfriend, I don't want to have children. My reasons are a little different--abusive/horrible childhood to name a few. Anyway, I totally respect you for approaching the subject and giving it special thought. I totally understand your desire to have children. But perhaps you should get at the real reason why your girlfriend doesn't want to have children other than adoption. Was she adopted? I don't think that you should end the relationship. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years (we're both 26) and he has known my feelings from the beginning and he feels just like you do. I have told him that "right now" I know that I don't want to have children BUT my feelings could change BUT they also could not. I just want him to be aware of this and I have given him the option of backing out of the relationship . . . and you know what, he stayed. I think that is how love works.
I mean it was only a year ago that I didn't like tomatoes and now I love them--same goes for red meat.
You are both young. Give it a little time. But, in the meantime, continue to talk to your girlfriend and express your own feelings too. I think you will find that your love will overshadow any doubts you have . . .
2006-10-11 06:21:27 · answer #3 · answered by ND 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya'll are both really young right now so she might eventually change her mind. I didn't want kids of my own when I was that age either. However, she may always be like this. I would give her some time and talk about the subject again. She may have changed her mind. If she hasn't then you need to decide how important having your own children is to you. Good Luck!
2006-10-11 05:57:14 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This one is definately a tough call. My advice would be to sit down and discuss it with her. This just might be a phase she's going through. There was a time when I believed the exact same thing, until my nephew was born. Being around him, definately changed my opinion. I would discuss this with her and see if there's any other issues, for example, she may be afraid of childbirth. If after talking to her you really feel that there's no way she will ever consider having her own children, you'll probably have to make a decision if this is this is the type of sacrifice you are willing to make to be with her. If not then you'll have to find someone else. Good Luck.
2006-10-11 06:08:16 · answer #5 · answered by Secrets are best for one... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should respect her decision. maybe she will change her mind give her sometime to think about it she has to go through it all not you...and you guys should talk it over maybe u guys aren't ready maybe back off the subject a little she needs sometime to think and if she don't want any it's not her fault...my husband never makes me do anything we always talk about it and avoid the question for a while until were ready and i'm only 19 and he jus turned 19 and there is nothing wrong with adoption some people perfer that way and it's nice of her to save a child it's better to jus lay off the question for a while...GIVE HER TIME!!! sometimes i change my mind about it to so it's not an easy decsion!
2006-10-11 06:00:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are lucky to have a girl who loves u a lot and vice-versa.its not easy to get a partner whom u can gel with completely.ur only contention is having children.but i feel it can be sorted out if u really love each-other.respect her wish to adopt too.dont be selfish.u can have ur own kid and adopt one more.take her out to a nice place on a weekend,tell her how much u love her and that u want to have children with her one day and also adopt one.let her think over it and work something out.love doesnt come ur way everyday.dont lose it when u have it.
2006-10-11 06:04:38 · answer #7 · answered by archie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one should ever have to compromsie what they want in life. If you two got married and didn't have kids, you would end up resenting her for that and vice versa. Deciding to have children or not is one of the biggest decisions you will ever have to make in life, no one should be pressured into it. You should find someone that has the same goals for the future in mind as you do.
2006-10-11 05:58:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 22 i didn't want kids, now I'm 40, My wife is 14 years younger than me. So I can still wait but I do want to have kids now. Time changes people.
If your girl friend have a biological clock you don't. just be aware of that.
2006-10-11 05:58:39 · answer #9 · answered by Kenshin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well like you said you two are very young. You shouldn't worry about it till your ready to have kids. I never wanted kids for as long as i can remember. Now i'm 26 going on 27 and me & bf are trying. Life changes and people change. Don't worry to much about what's going to happen in a few years and just live life for today. They say to live today like it was your last. The reason why they say that is cuz you miss out on today because you are worring about tomorrow. Live, Laught and Love.
2006-10-11 06:00:49 · answer #10 · answered by dodgergirl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋