My boyfriend is in prison what should I do?

Question

My boyfriend has been in prison since December of 2004. He was convicted of possession of meth and sentenced to 5 yrs in prison. Now the thing is it was his friends and he took the blame because his friend has kids and he felt bad for the kids not having their father around. He has no family here the only person he has is me. All his family is in a different state. I feel like I still love him, but sometimes I feel like I'm over. I'm to the point where I can't tell the difference from my heart and my mind anymore. He's out for possible parole in Aug. of 2007 his release date is in 2009. I don't know how to handle it all anymore. I try to be there for him the best way I can, but he knows that something is wrong with me and it makes it even harder. I've told him how I feel, but sometimes he makes it seem like I was never there for him. Sometimes when he writes to me he makes me feel like a horrible person. I get so overwhelmed I start to cry. Is this healthy . . . What should I do?

Answer 1

Well, this may sound harsh. I would think that you hang with the wrong crowd. If you hand with your boyfriend, you hang with his friends. I wasn't there but it sounds like ur bf made a BAD decision. I personally don't think he was all that innocent. I think he was feeding someone a line of bull. I would think the kid would have been better without a dad who deals meth. All that kid has to do is find it laying around (and it can happen) and OD on the crap. Remove the dad, remove the drugs.
Here are a couple questions I would be asking myself.
Will he still hang with his buds when he's out?
If you stay with him, can he give you a stable life or is he going to go back to jail?
If you wind up having kids by him, do you want your kids brought up around drugs and a sinister life style?
How well can he support the "family" with a felony conviction? His opportunities have drop dramatically.

If you have any self respect and want more out of life, I would move on. There are people out there that will make you shine. There are people out there that will put you on a pedistal and provide for you in a positive way. There are people that will give you the possibility of a wonderful life.
Do you want to worry whether the cops are going to show up in the middle of the night, every night? Disrupting your home, scaring you and your children. What if things go really bad and you have kids and the cops do come and take both you and your now BF to jail. Who's going to care for the kids? Social Services? Foster care? or later on the Penal System? Yeah, there's a thought. Your BF/hubby and your 18 year old kid sharing a cell block. There's a picture you can put on the family Christmas card.
Good luck...

Answer 2

Live your life. Once he is released, then see how things stand.

Is he willing to cut all ties with his junkie friends?
Or is he going back to them?
Is he willing to work hard to live a clean life?
Or is he going to be around crime and drugs again?
Is he willing to get a job, and try to lead a respectable life?
Or is he going to slack off, and hope you will take care of him?

Once he has proven which path he's going to follow, then make a decision.

If he chooses to be stupid, and go back to those friends and lifestyle, then dump him fast. You don't need that kind of trouble coming back in your life. And you don't want to follow him down the path of drugs and bad behavior. The next time, you may find yourself on jail right along with him.

If he shows that he wants to clean up his life, and be a responsible adult, then go back to him. Since you say he was innocent, and just taking the fall for a friend, then he probably hasn't been in trouble while in prison. So he'll probably get paroled when his time comes. Give him the chance to make a life before you decide anything one way or another.

Answer 3

Always keep your communications open with him. You say he makes you feel horrible but that is there guilt coming out to make you feel the way you do. Don't be afraid to say what is on your mind because he has to know how it feels on the other side of the fence. I speak from experience as I have a son that has been in the justice system since he was 13, which he is now 19. They will try to manipulate you as well. Best of Luck!!!

Answer 4

Why....you've stayed with hi this long so who else can you blame but yourself? Making meth for Chrissakes. Let me wager here....this was all unknown to you right? The long days and nights away from home. Smelling of chemicals when he came home? That never clued you in?
It pretty obvious he cared an awful lot about you because he didn't mind taking it on the chin for his buddies and sitting with a felony rap did he?
Oh...by the way....he didn't just take the whole rap. He was just as guilty as his buddy with the kids. How noble of him. Too bad he can't show that same type of loyalty to you huh?

Answer 5

I'm in this line of work...they all say they are inncoent. They had to have some kind of proof to convict him. Odds are that if your boyfriends "friends" do Meth, he does to. Get rid of him while he's still in prison. The majority of people who have been to prison go back sometime in the lives. Find a new boyfriend!

Answer 6

In more ways than one he has to deal with the consequences of his actions. You don't have to pay the price for his choices and you are not obligated to stay with him simply out of guilt. Staying with someone in a long distance relationship at all is a very difficult thing and it takes comittment and communication on both parts.

I'd tell you the same thing if he had gone away to college, you don't owe him anything. You have to make the choices that are right for your own life and while your boyfriend might have chosen to go to prison for noble reasons, you don't owe him anything for that choice. His friend owes him a lot, but you need to think about your own life and your own choices.

Answer 7

It was nice of him to consider the children involved..but did he do the right thing because the problem still exist with his friend. The reason you feel as you do is because you are away from him and the reason he makes you feel like a bad person is because he can't cope with being in prison. Get YOUR life in order and you will know what to do.

Answer 8

This is not healthy, and you need to get out of this relationship. I do understand that innocent people are convicted, but you are basically in a long distance relationship where you aren't even able to see each other once and awhile!. You need to find a good, decent, clean partner that do, sell, or know anyone who does or sells meth, that is not a lifetime partner.

Answer 9

First of all you are an idiot.

Stop being an idiot and get a life. You want to punish yourself for some bad choices your boyfriend made outside of your relationship. Your boyfriend has a felony on his record now and will have a difficult time supporting himself when he gets out of jail. So not only have you waisted 5 years of your life worrying about him but then afterward you are going to have to work and support both of you so he can re-offend and go back to jail. He needs someone without any brains to support him. Good job.
Just get a tattoo on your forehead saying, "I know I am a fool for staying with my boyfriend."

Answer 10

First off,you know that meth was his cuz aint nobody gonna take 5yrs cuz they dont want some tweeker to be away from his kids.Second,all you can tell him is that youll write him on the condition that he doesent make you feel like crap,cuz your gonna go on with your life,why should you hold up your life for somthing he did,and if he aint crazy and is ready to act like a member of sociaty,then maybe you can pick things up from there.Dont get suckered into sending money or anything,dont be his fool.Prisoners are masters of hustlen' and can take care of themselves.