Should I stay with my husband or not?

Question

My husband had an affair with a woman half my age. I still love him but can't get past the fact that he did this to me. I never thought he would do this. I was totally shocked...... What should I do?

Answer 1

From experience I can tell you that as hard as it is, you are better off leaving him. You can try and forgive a spouse who cheats but the truth is very few people can ever trust them again. This lack of trust destroys a marriage after awhile so it is better to just do it now and not waste time trying to be nice and forgiving. You deserve to be happy in life and you will never find that happiness again until you move on and create a new life and find a new love.

Answer 2

The most common answer to why spouses cheat is that something is wrong in the marriage and the affair is a bi-product of those problems, even when most other aspects of the relationship are working well. “The problem” is often one that the faithful spouse who would never think of cheating does not see or has elected to ignore for one reason or another.
If you can identify problem you can work on it.
The physical act of infidelity is not necessarily the most damaging element An extra-marital affair is almost always conducted in secrecy. This secrecy particularly once it is discovered, undermines an otherwise healthy marriage The idea of trust, openness, sharing and the belief that you belong to somethin all will unquestionably be damaged. At this point, the cheater needs to own up to things and the victim needs to be able to express what they are going through openly. Then the issue that led to the affair can be addressed and both partie need to take responsibility for the problems and how they will be fixed. Yes, marriage can survive infidelity and a happy marriage can be restored wit patience, sincerity and effort. Some of the hurdles that will arise are the victim’s inability to get over the deception, the adulterer’s inability to realize what the have done and how wrong it is or a general inability to address and fix the underlying problems.

Answer 3

I've always told myself that I could not and would not stay with a man if he cheated on me. If your husband cheated once I think he would probably do it again. You can forgive him and stay with him but in your heart you will never "Forget" that he had an affair. That is going too make for a very stressful relationship. And please don't even think that going out and having an affair yourself woul ever help matters at all..all that does is bring you down too his level. I take my marriage vowels very seriously and I told my husband how I felt before we got married. He knows that if he ever cheats that I am gone. I think if a person wants too play around then don't get married, If you have these feelings while being married, then get a divorce!! It's the right thing too do and would save a lot of heartache on down the road!!
I think you should divorce him, I don't think you will be able too get past this.

Answer 4

It depends on how many times he's done that to you. And it also depends on if you still trust him. If this is his 1st offense, you should give him one more chance, because no guy is perfect. If you dont trust him as much as you used to before he cheated, the worst thing you can do is accuse him. Accusing a man of anything will cause him to want to do it anyways. Try and start over new and clean, do not bring that situation up ever again.
If you bring it up again, it will only lead to an argument that both of you end up crying over. The relationship will slowly start to decline, and you end up accusing him of cheating again.

I hope you make the right decision though. Good luck.

Answer 5

i am going through the same thing. i suspected that my husband was cheating and i started watching and looking for clues. the whole time he swore he wasnt. to make a long story short, i saw a motel number on our cell phone, got info he was there on a certain date and confronted him. he confessed he did it once with this coworker. i gave him the chance to completely honest with me and of course he was not. the affair lasted months, he took money from our household and bought her gifts, the whole thing last 8-9 months. it was a horrid thing to do to another person. we did try to work it out but it was ruined. i could never trust him again no matter what. all it did was make me feel like i was fat ugly, i started to find myself consumed with images and questions and wondering where he was...etc. it made me crazy and i didnt deserve that. so i left.

Answer 6

I was the same way, I thought I married the perfect guy, but everybody makes mistakes. The biggest thing is has he sincerely asked for your forgivness and if not, leave, but if he has and you feel like you are going to be able to rebuild your trust in him then give it a try, but without trust there can be no happiness.

Answer 7

I'm sure that would be difficult to deal with. You can forgive him, but the forgetting part is going to be difficult. A relationship is usually built on trust and if you don't have that then it may not be much to hold on too. I would say try counseling for yourself and for your marriage. Cheating is serious and if you can't forget about the cheating and how he hurt you, your relationship may fail. I wish you the best.

Answer 8

Counseling...preferably couples counseling....is the affair over...and is he worth getting past the shock?

Answer 9

When in doubt get out, he put the doubt there. When he let you know the woman was half your age,that should let you know that he is not a loyal person.A cheating man will always cheat. In his heart he's single, so you should be too.......

Answer 10

If he did it once he will more than likely do it again at least that has been my experience. In fact he has probably done it before and you just didn't find out! I'd dump him. You can do better!!