I have been married 12 years and have two children. My wife has secretly been contacting (in person, by phone and email) her exboyfriend and I accidently found out about it and she lied to me and denied it until I provided proof. Then she said she lied and hid her relationship with the x because she thought I would be upset. She says that since we have been married he and her have just been friends and that nothing physical will happen with him. She wants me to contact her x and tell him I approve of his and her relationship so that he will keep in contact with her. This is because I spoke to him on the phone and threatended to let his wife know of their relationship if he kept contacting my wife. My wife is verry distraut about losing contact with her xbf and tells me our marriage will be better if she has a contact with her x. What should I do?
2006-10-11 05:22:36 · 20 answers · asked by ????? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell your wife that you are fine with the situation as long as you can begin an equally, mutually beneficial relationship with her (ex)boyfriend's wife. Then you two can talk about your wife and her husband and share all the happy times that they have been enjoying together behind your backs. See how long that lasts!
Seriously though, take a long hard look at your life with your wife and ask yourself if you are better off with her or without her - for 12 years she has been enjoying the benefit of the security of your relationship while she secretly had her own private fantasy to escape to when ever she felt the need. An emotional affair is equally, if not more serious and damaging than a physical one.
Even if you could possible agree to her plan to let her keep on staying connected to him, then you would be knowingly putting his wife into the same miserable position into which those two put you - don't do it!
2006-10-11 05:30:21 · answer #1 · answered by Curious1usa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-05 19:40:40 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife wants her xbf. If the tables were turned, she'd be talking about divorce, and anything you would say to her would be a lie even if it was the truth. You should tell her that when you guys got married, he was not at the altar on the side of her. So if she NEEDS contact with him, then GOODBYE. If you are a good father, then you have nothing to worry about when it comes down to your kids. You don't even know if she actually cheated on you or not. I say there's a possibility. Look,......there is no such thing as a friendship between man and woman if they have a significant other. You should be her friend. You are her husband and so-called better half. There had to be more if it had to be hidden. Especially if his wife didn't know about it. If you are a good man, there are pretty good women looking for you right now! I say give it a try with your wife, but if she continues this kind of behavior with another man, then I'd call it quites. Its hard, but its better than living miserable.
2006-10-11 05:35:47 · answer #3 · answered by Honesty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I can say about this is: 1) if it is so innocent, then why lie about it and 2) ex's are safe and comfortable, they know you and you have a connection and because of that it is all too easy to fall into the "love" trap again with them even if that is not your intention.
About four years into my marriage my ex from high school popped back into my life. I was going through a rough time in my marriage my husband's dad had just passed away and he was spending 80% of his time with his grieving mother an hour away from where we lived. So, when the ex called...mind you I was close to my ex's family too I decided to drive 3 hours to go visit. I called my husband who gave me his blessing. I went and the trip went without incident. In fact, the ex came back with me to meet my husband and even spent one night with the husband and my brother and others moving out of our old apartment without me, but long story short the more time and the more talking on the phone with the ex I did feelings started surfacing and parts of my heart that should be totally my husbands were now being shared with this man. I did eventually kiss him. I did not sleep with him...I wanted to but I just couldn't or wouldn't do that to my husband. I went to my husband and told him about the kiss and my feelings and also why I thought these things had occurred. How I felt abandoned by him and the fact that I had told him not to look at our phone bill and I would pay it and he never did which made me feel like he didn't care (I know long run on sentence....sorry). So, we both stopped focusing so much of our time and energy on other people...him his mom and me my ex and started putting that back into each other. Ten years later I so love my husband and the ex??? I hope he found someone just as wonderful, but it is certainly not me.
2006-10-11 08:37:12 · answer #4 · answered by Airlantiss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wake up and smell the coffee! She is cheating on you!!!
When I caught my wife cheating her words to me "don't ruin this for me". I think your wife is saying the same thing to you.
I think you should definately call this guys wife now. Then tell your wife marriage counseling or a divorce!!!
Just had a not so great thought... It is kinda hard to ask but are you sure the kids are yours? Exactly how long had this been going on with the wife and exboyfriend... Do not count on her to tell the truth.
2006-10-11 05:38:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
nothing physical has to occur for an affair to have occurred, and your wife was definitely having an affair behind your back, and now she wants your approval to continue more or less because the ex doesnt want his wife to find out. if it were all innocent she would've discussed wanting a friendship with the ex with you and involved you in this friendship and involved his wife. i do think his wife needs to know, think how you felt when you found out it had been going on behind your back, and what if you'd of never found out? it'd still be going on your blessings and knowledge or not. you have a choice to stay with or leave your wife, to give or not give your blessings, but the other wife has no choice and she deserves to know. you say your wife is so distaught over the loss of communication with her ex, well what about you?should'nt she be feeling distraught over the possibility of losing you? think about it, but don't let her downplay this as innocent, it was an affair.
2006-10-11 06:06:32 · answer #6 · answered by beckie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would contact his wife and let her know whats going on. Just don't be naive about the situation. I'm sure your a very smart man but with her basically demanding that she has contact with him and then on top of that she originally lied about her contacting him it would automatically put the thought in my mind that there is a little more going on. Her contact with him also can't be healthy for your 2 children. Good Luck and please take care of your children's needs and yours before her. She is obviously on another page then you
2006-10-11 05:53:48 · answer #7 · answered by Jason B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Meet with the X and his wife at the same time. Ask the other wife if she knew about this "relationship" and what her thoughts are. Explain to the other wife (with both of your spouses there) that it seems odd to you that they kept their "relationship" secret from you.
This is a forum for you to put your feelings at ease and find out what is going on. Its not for them to get permission.
The other wife may become an ally in this situation.
2006-10-11 05:36:20 · answer #8 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG!!! this cant be for real...thats probably the stupidest thing ive ever heard. Dude, honestly, get the f*ck outta Dodge, and fast. She's obviously been plowin that guy, or else there would be no other reason to keep it a secret, or for her to want to see his a$$ at all...omfg, seriously, man, i'd tell her, "One or the other, chic, cuz he's had to mean something to her before for him to even become an 'ex', whats to say thats not still there.......and come on!!! sneakin around like that, then having the brass to want YOU to accept it, instead of her doing the right thing and being open and honest, and NOT CHEATING!!! omfg, i swear, females drive me totally insane, there isnt a decent one left on this planet!
2006-10-11 05:30:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell his wife and then you and wife need ot sit dow ntalk about thsi and find some middle ground.if nothing was going o nwhy hide it ?
I smell some BS flinging and your wife and her ex are the ones flinging.If he was hhappy with his marriage and she is happy with your and her marriage wh yare the ysecretly talking?
Come on wake up and smell the BS here !
Expose the mboth and do it in his living room in front of his wife and make them both understand that you dont like the mplaying high school game!
Then go home with your wife and make her make a choice - your marriage or that ex of hers.
DIVORCE is gonna happen if she keeps this attitusde of HE STAYS or we are in trouble attitude . So why prolong it.
2006-10-11 05:27:38 · answer #10 · answered by Glenn T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋