He is here a few times a week and everyother weekend. Yesterday,after bullying his younger brother he kicked his brothers homework project (destroying it) punched the dor, went outside and threw stuff. He says it was because he was so upset that we were "lying" about what he did to his brother.But we watched him put his hand on his neck and squeeze hard( he learned that from his dad) and put his fist in his face and threaten him.My husband didn't kow what to do so he grabbed the younger two boys and left. He was trying to keep them safe.Now my husband refuses to watch him, his dad believes him.Apparently he doesnt' act like that at his dads house. At his dads house his step sister and him are the same age. I think she'd kill him.This is how his dad acted when we were married.How so I stop it, i cant ground him,if I send him to his room he destroys it.What do I do?How do I keep my younger two safe?Ihave no support from hsi dad.I need serious anwsers I am so upset by this.
His is 13
2006-10-11 05:11:45 · 6 answers · asked by loladoreen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
His dad will not help me at all. he says it must be something I'm doing because he doesn't do that at his house. I have no support from his dad at all. It would break my heart to not allow my son at my house.If he hurts them again, I can ask him to leave but he usually does, he will run out or call his dad. And nothng is resolved it is a cycle.It doesn't happen all the time but.. it is hurting my middle son alot. He cries over it, he is embarassed his homework is destroyed. Can my ex take me to court over not allowing my son over?He would do soemthing like that.It is destroying my family, hurting the younger two kids and killing me.
1 day ago
He doesn't remember us together.He was 2.We fought in court for a few years.His dad won custody the last time.It was traumatic at the time.His dad had him for visitation and wouldn't give him back to me or let me knwo where he was etc unless I signed over custody. I refused and he won in court-didn't want to take him out of the home he knew.No
2006-10-11 05:13:09 · update #1
Noneof it matters now. He is 13 now.At his dads house he is alone alot.He doesnt even talk to his step sister..I did not let him live there I had no choice.he is very angry. soemtimes he tells methings his dad says, and it is sad. i.e.:dad choked me till i passed out i had bruises, he TOLD my son about it and said i said there were scratch marks on my neck and how could there be he chews his nails.they were bruises.He bad mouths me to my son alot.my son has no respect for me at all.He talks like crap to me and his dad finds it funnySo i have no support from his dad.I need to know what I can do on my own.I dont want to lose my son or allow him 2 rage
2006-10-11 05:14:45 · update #2
he idolizes his father.He infact gets almost offended or upset if I say he looks or acts like me, he wants to be just like his dad.He does not want to live with me, he almost has tobe forced to come visit.i think it is because at his dad's he gets to do whatever he wants.He and his stepsister are there alone alot.So he plays vidoe games etc.And his dad is well off and he can ride his dirt bike etc.I dont have those things.For example:one of our biggest fights is about pop.We dont drink pop.Thats all they drink at his dad's, so it is a constant fight. His dad's house always has funner things i.e there going to mexico, so if dad has something funner to do he will do that.
It is like he is angry at me or resents me and the only thing that I can think of is listening to his father bad mouth me and tellhim distorted stories.BTW his dad will not allow me to take him to counseling,and he had to take anger managemnet in school for his behavior.He mirrors his fathers behavior
2006-10-11 05:48:27 · update #3
Try talking to his dad, but i dont feel he is that friendly.
Get a Child Psychologist advice.
You need to deal with it from the root. He is at the most important stage of growing up process which might really need expert advise. Something is bothering him abt you and he is going several complications. You need to understand his psychology to deal this further. Dont make assumptions abt kids.
2006-10-11 05:20:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anne H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 13-year-old obviously has very serious behavior issues that need to be resolved.
He may've only been 2 years old when you & his dad were together, but the first 3 years of a child's life are actually the most impressionable... when they learn whatever behavior that's being taught/shown.
I'm a sibbling of 9, a mother of 3, grandmother of 6, was a foster parent of 10 & I've witnessed a lot of "acting-out."
Doing what's best for the child sometimes means loving them enough to get them the help they need, even if it means letting go of them for awhile, in order for them to receive the best help... sounds like he definitly needs help thru counselling... if DHR becomes involved, they would probably make sure he gets help thru the King's Ranch, where they teach proper/good behavior.
You might want to use the knowledge about DHR/King'sRanch as leverage to see if that will get him to behave better... you could have a talk with him about it (a loving talk, but be firm too) & explain that it's what may happen to him if he doesn't quit behaving so violently.
2006-10-11 12:34:33 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ummmmm, you have a decesion to make here... either step up to the plate and help your son, who I might add is screaming for help, or ignore it and let another abuser enter the adult world... ok, here it is.. your son is prob. angry that you are letting HIM be hurt by the dad.... think about it... he is a child and is hurting... prob. more than you will ever know !!! he is showing you, in the only way he knows, how things are at the home in which he lives... and he is angry at YOU for letting it happen !!!!! we , as ppl learn what we are taught, he is taught that violence is the way to solve problems !!! YOU need to photo all his bruises and scratches and his violent out burst, have a vedio camera on hand, loaded and ready to go, AT ALL TIMES !! then you have the proof in court you need... and there is prob. feelings of this, your son prob. feels he is not important enough to live with you, you have other kids that do and he feels left out...he is prob. told by dad that you dont love him enough to let him live with you... so he feels a failure and unworthy...... YOU need to sit down and try to find a way to tell him just how much you LOVE and miss and admire and care and all the other things a 13 yr old boy needs to hear from his mother... this is not about him hurting others, this is about the real pain your SON is in..... I take it he is the first born ?? well, he is and should be YOUR first priority !!! sorry, but this is true... I have a son who is divorced , has a 5 yr old, but as practically forgotten he exsist, he has a `1 yr old son by another woman, and the sad thing is, the 5 yr old is paying the price for his dads neglect and stupidity !!! so get with the program and take care of that child !!!! God bless
2006-10-11 12:27:59 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is 13 there is no changing him now, his self-esteem and everything was set when he was very young.
He just seems very angry and doesnt know how to control it and has learned from his father. He will hurt your boys their is no question about it. He was hurt so that is how he is going to act.
You have a new family and two loving young boys who need you and these actions is upsetting your household not to mention is going to bring hard feelings from your husband.
It doesnt sound like he wants to be there, he feels uncomfrontable.
About the child custody if it is 50 50 then he could take you to court and make you pay child support for not taking him or make you sign your rights over.
Try taking him to family counsiling.
2006-10-11 12:25:43 · answer #4 · answered by mellow_26241 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son is the same way. You have to punish him cancel the visits until he can obey your rules and when you have him over next as soon as he hurts your smaller kids he goes home no ifs ands or buts about it. It is hard to not see him but he has to learn that his behaviour is unacceptable at your house I never saw my soon for 1 month because he was hurting my younger kids. everytime he comes and hurts them i take away another visit. This is hard to do very hard, but as a mother it is your job to protect your kids and if he is hurting the other kids dont allow him over and no your husband cannot take you to court. If he tries that and childrens service finds out that he is hurting the kids there will be trouble. If you need to talk you can email me I am having the same issues with my kids as well.
2006-10-11 12:19:11 · answer #5 · answered by iluvhammbone35 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get a lawyer and try to get custody of your son because he is only doing what he is seeing someone older do. You need to try and get him out of the place that is making him rebel in this way. If you continue to let him go down this path he will end up in jail or someone will hurt him because he attacked them. This is a very serious situation and action needs to be taken to try and resolve this before it goes any futhur. Your ex is not helping the situation by ignoring what is going on. He may be ignoring what is going on because this is the way he acts and thinks that nothing is wrong with this violence that your son is dispalying towards your other kids. He may even be influencing your son to act this way when he is with you. But you need to get to the bottom of wharever is causing this behavior from your child
2006-10-11 12:21:38 · answer #6 · answered by <<SEXY MOMMA>> 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋