Ten years of this and we have custody of his and her son. The boy is doing very well now after 5 long years of caring for him, he is great but she wont leave us alone or give us any peace. Should we just give him back to get rid of her? She is tearing our marriage apart. I am afraid for the boy and I love him very much, but we have other kids to think about too. Any advice would be great.
2006-10-11 04:52:25 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
she does see her son now it used to be supervised- please dont get upset I have been patient and compassionate with her for a long time, i recently cut off contact with her for the sake of my own sanity- she is not a nice gal
2006-10-11 05:35:28 · update #1
and yes she is being treated for bipolar disorder however she is a rapid cycler and she also has borderline personality disorder and she is an addict and is anorexic, I dont know if she still uses or not, I sure hope she doesnt and her therapist is not very helpful about her treatment as far as letting us know what it is and how she is so we dont really know much except that she claims to be better. her therapist wont advice whether she can handle custody, she said let a judge decide -maybe this helps you understand our position and why seeking advice on the matter. we have asked the professionals and we cant get an answer, we have used up all of our money on attorneys too
2006-10-11 05:41:57 · update #2
what about the best interests of our other two children? they exist too
2006-10-11 07:16:32 · update #3
This is a nightmare situation. If she's really mentally ill then you could easily apply for a restraining order / to have her sectioned, but these are extremes that you might want to think twice about. You can't weigh the happiness of other children against the happiness of one - sure, it'll be hard for you because the kid isn't biologically yours, but just make sure that the boys interests are kept paramount
2006-10-11 04:56:49 · answer #1 · answered by PETER G 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First of all i do not know the situation so, it is kind of difficult to comment on the situation. However, I think that you are giving her to much power. If you have the son, and you and your husband have made a life together with children. Why are you giving her so much time and energy? I would not have any contact with her other than what was absolutely necessary. And do not argue with your husband about her, that is giving her what she wants. He obviously does not want her or they would be together. And she obviously is not a good parent or the son would be with her. I hope you are not having these disagreements in front of this young man, if must be hard enough for him growing up without his mom. And he should not be made to feel less than the other siblings. And you say it has been 5 long years caring for him. Remind yourself you knew when you married him that he had a son and it is not the boys fault his mother is crazy or mentally ill or whatever. And this young man should not be made to suffer for the mistakes of his mother. And i think if you make your husband choose between you and his family with you or the son you will end up alone. If she is causing you all of this unecaesary frustration go to the courts and get a court order for her to leave you alone. And by all meas no matter how upset you get do not let her know how she is affecting you, this is only going to make matters worse. Good luck to you and God bless.
2006-10-11 05:06:41 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously don't understand the first thing about mental illness. Is she being treated for her bipolar disorder? If she is taking medication the boy has every right to see his mother - if she wants to. Mental illness can rip families apart - I know that from experience - but court battles and infighting are not the way to go - you need to understand that she cannot help how she is - who is her next of kin for health purposes? One of her parents? It should not be her husband if he has remarried you. They have the power as the next relative to have a say in her care, and whether or not sectioning would be appropriate. If she is not leaving you alone then she sounds as though she is going through a manic phase to me - you need to get in touch with the local mental health drop in centre for advice. Her behaviour if manic will be unbearable, and for the good of all you need to make sure she gets the care she needs - this may mean that she needs to go into hospital for a while for everyone's benefit.
2006-10-11 05:30:16 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Behavin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a very difficult situation and I appreciate that you have shown compassion to your husband's ex. Please be aware that when she is at her lowest ebb mentally she may lash out at your husband as she might wrongly feel this is the root of all her troubles. I'm speaking from experience here, my mum has the same problems and used to pester my dad who had a second family after they divorced. It's understandable for you to seek information on the care and medication she is receiving but this might be perceived on her part as meddling, and many people with severe mental health problems are reluctant to admit it to themselves or others. The boy will be very grateful to you in the long run and is lucky that you care for him so much but is also entitled to remain in contact with his natural mother for the benefit of them both. Please don't be hostile towards him if he casts up the fact that you're not his real mum ever, he will always love you for what you've given him.
If she is always coming to your house you could consider moving a bit further away but don't cut her off from her son. Try and find out what support she recieves from social services and maybe discuss it with them in private. You sound like you are attempting to find the best solution for everyone and I really wish you all the best, one day you'll be rewarded.
2006-10-11 10:46:36 · answer #4 · answered by micktravis 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does the be conscious selfish pig propose something to you reason that's what he's. replace your selection and alter your locks and don't have something to do with him. i'm specific you may organise it so as that a chum palms him the toddler whilst he calls, that's not something yet an abusive depressing existence you're optimal with him. you would be extra effective off on my own than spending yet another minute in his corporation.
2016-10-16 02:00:53 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just call the police that they have connections to Al Quaida. Their civil rights will be abused in such a way, that they won't have time or opportunity to bother you again!
2006-10-12 10:10:49 · answer #6 · answered by Karel P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like an episode from Desperate Housewives.
2006-10-11 04:59:55 · answer #7 · answered by chocolate-drop 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How can you even think of 'giving him back'? would you give your other children to a nutter?!?!? Thought not, this woman will be like a stranger to the boy and it would be exactly like giving the other children to strangers too, i know it must be hard for you but please persevere, get the police involved and a mental health service but please don't give up on the child
2006-10-11 04:56:56 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah A 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
DO WHAT'S IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD----HE COMES 1ST
AB
2006-10-11 06:06:11 · answer #9 · answered by alice b 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋