What do you do when your life falls apart and you lose direction?

Question

My wife left me 7mths ago for someone else and altho i try i can't seem to get it together in my personal life and to a certain degree i my work, i think some days i'm fine and i see other people but i can't seem to be complete something is missing and i feel like my life has no direction or purpose anymore.

Answer 1

Concentrate on one thing at a time, one day at a time and just try to live.
Time is one great healer and mind-blowing sex is another.
It is up to you which one you choose.

Answer 2

You are stuck in the past. You have never let what happened to you go and it is eating you up.

Let's look at a different example. Say you had this fantastic car. You washed and polished it and protected it because you really were proud of that car.

One day you take it for a spin. You are in the city as you really want to show it off. Up ahead you have a green light and you speed up just a bit to make it. But someone else has just lost his wife and has no idea he is about to run a red light.
He does and hits your car in the side. You survive but the car doesn't. Your wonderful car is gone.

How long would you grieve over that car? Would it cause your life to go into a tail spin? I would hope not. It was your pride and joy but after all only a car.

You must look at the loss of your wife the same way. In every great loss we have in this life we play a part. The value we place on it may have been far more than it's true value to us.

I went through just what you did only just over 4 years ago. I do know your pain. This was the most pain I have ever had in my life or ever hope to. But I also realized that I played a part in it because I had not been there for her as much as I should have. She was actually suprised at my reaction to it.

What I did however made all the difference in surviving it.
Because I was no longer wanted I needed to have that back. So I went on-line and begin to look. I found, and am now married to, a woman I met there. I am quite happy now and became friends with that first wife who lives alone.

Had I not my life may very well have gone where yours is headed. Get outside yourself. Try to meet new people. Do not dwell on what you had no control over. Learn from it and move on.

Trust me you will never, ever be sorry you did. But you will be sorry if you don’t.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for you. It is hard for everyone when this happens, but often men don't have the same support network that women do.
I'm guessing that you didn't suspect that she would leave you and it has been a shock. You need to take time to grieve for the loss of a relationship and the loss of a future you once thought was a certainty. Don't beat yourself up for not being back on top of your game yet. Everything takes time.
Keep busy and get out and about a lot. Remind yourself that there are still things in your life that you can feel passionate about. Take up a sport that you haven't played for a while, or start a distance learning course.
If you have kids, concentrate on your purpose in life as their father. They will still need a good role-model and someone to rely on, especially after all this change.
Most important, find someone you can talk to when you're feeling low. Even if it's just the cat, it will help.
It will come together eventually.
Best of luck.

Answer 4

In the same boat mate, Your world comes crashing down and everything that you thought that you were working towards becomes irelivant you look back and think that you have wasted so much of your life on somthing that you thought would be for ever and hope that there is some way of getting it all back again but always in the back of your mind you know in reality that you will not.

I allowed it to effect my work too much and ended up getting demoted cos my results began to slip so lost out there too and dont get me started on how much I miss my kids and how it has affected them!

For me as it seems for you things are still very raw. It's good to talk to somone close how it all feels and work trough your feelings. If you do not have that then a counsilor is a good idea.

Look at the positive things that you still have and find other things to focus your spare time on, or else all you will do is think about what she has done to you and why. This is a slipery slope.

Remember that we are not on this earth for too long in the scheme of things and you have to make the most of the small amount of time we have been blessed with.

I am with you and I know that we both can move on in our lives but we have to be aware that it will take time.

It is a big change that we did not want so it is helpful to be aware of the four stages of change:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Acceptance
4. Finally, Change

Good luck with your journey it makes it a little easier knowing that you and I are not alone in having these feelings and in time we will move on.

Answer 5

Find a new direction i would recommend the promotion of self. It's not really as though something is missing it's just that a situation you've become so accustomed to has changed and you have to adapt.

After my divorce i found a whole new circle of friends and got back into my DJing, got an apartment and started hanging out at different places. I dated casually for a time and started on new relationships some were good some bad and then my roommate introduced me to someone and now i've remarried to a wonderful woman and my life is going fairly well and keeps improving.

You most likely had been focused on your marriage and now that that focus has been eliminated you must find a new one or you could remain in your current predicament for sometime.

Everyone heals at their own pace my friend take your time if you must but do not dwell on the past it serves you not. Like any race car driver will tell you "What's behind you isn't as important as what's ahead."

Answer 6

You are only just recovering from a rude shock you received from someone you thought loved you. It is not easy to come to terms with that. Give yourself some time. Meanwhile, distraction is the best medicine for your type of person. If you wish to feel elated one way or other, try helping those who need help. When you see their smile and when they give you their blessings, you will feel a sense of peace and you will transform into a more happy and confident person. Secondly, try to sharpen a skill or a hobby you already have. When you feel low in life and you take up something like that seriously, you will be amazed at how well you progress in the direction that makes you happy. And for God's sakes man! Dont go around believing yourself when you say - my life has no direction or purpose anymore - or some BS like that. Just kick your *** out of it and enjoy - all the world is not as bad as you think it is. And stop pitying yourself. Good luck.

Answer 7

When you get married you open a part of yourself that no one else ever saw or knew about. Two become one and there is always someone there to share the good, bad, and just the ordinary with. So, now you are half of what was once whole. That is not easy and it sets you off balance and it is hard to get your balance back, but you can do it. You were you before her and somehow you have to get back to that. Remember the things you loved about yourself before...build on that. Use the experiences you had with her to help you determine what you might want in a future relationship and more importantly what you don't. You can do this. You are a valuable and wonderful person. You still are the person that you have always been...you just have to remember that. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and try to focus on your work when it is time to do it. Cry if you need to...laugh if you can and surround yourself with good friends. Good luck.

Answer 8

To be honest with you, I feel like this most of the time, regardless of how things are going in my life. I kinda learned to ignore this feeling, tho. Some days it comes to the foreground, but most of the time it's just kind of there. At least you have a real reason behind you feeling like this, so there's real hope it's going to get better. Try seeing a doctor, and get evaluated for depression; they might offer a helpful treatment that will provide the "crutch" you need to get out of this. Sorry about your predicament; I've been there, too (my then-husband left for someone else) - and it does get better, just may take a while. 5 years later, I just got married again, to a wonderful person; I can only thank my ex for giving me an opportunity to meet and marry such a great guy.

Answer 9

The best thing to do is sit down and talk about this with someone who you like and respect. If you don't have a close friend you can confide in, ask your GP to recommend you to a psychologist and talk to him/her.
You will air the problems, make lists and try to find out what is missing in your life.
It could be you need to express your grief at losing a partner, which is a traumatic event in anyone's life, and may be colouring all the rest of your life.
What is important is not to bottle up these hurt or sad feelings, so that they turn inward and become depression.
Get out, see as many friends as you can, and talk as much as you can.
Good luck!
Simon 2

Answer 10

Think about it this way.

People talk about paths but the truth is we are all heading in the same direction which is death.

There are pleasant paths to get there and unpleasent paths.

You found a pleasant path with your wife but now you are lost in the wilderness but you are not lost really you are still heading in the same direction which is death.

You just need to find a nicer path or clear a route through the wilderness that you are in so it is less rough.

Or in another way you could find your way by bringing yourself into the present moment and no longer living in the past which no longer exists.

Answer 11

I am so sorry, I can relate to you as my husband had an affair with a teenager recently. I found out today he is still in touch with her, although she lives abroad, and my life has fallen apart all over again.
Even though it may seem mad given what I'm going through, the only thing that is keeping me together at all is my faith. Jesus showed himself to be real to me 4 years ago, and I was a skeptic until the moment I met him. I belong to a great church who will support me whatever I decide to do with my marriage, they are giving us free couples counselling, and have offered to help with finances and in any other way I want.
Whatever you currently feel, it's worth trying a church, for company and support. I hope we both have a brighter future.