to tell or not to tell?? argh! confuse and stuck?

Question

i am 17 this year and have a bf. i am in university right now and doing my undergraduate here.my bf and i have been together for 1 year which our anniversary was yesterday. im having this problem. i have been hiding this relationship from my parents. i felt that this is wrong and wanted to tell them. but since i know that they wont like my bf, i had keep it from them. but keeping this relationship from them making me uncomfortable to keep on going with this relationship. the problem is that, i love him so much n wont let go.all i want is that to tell my parents but im afraid that they will do something to break us up. that is what im afraid off. i have been envy with all my friends whose parents know about their relationship. please help me.!!

Answer 1

Why don't you say to your parents that you have met someone - what could they do to split you up?? Not that much. Your bf is more likely to get annoyed and wonder what is wrong with him (or your family) if you keep them apart.

Answer 2

well if your worried that your parents will try and break you up you already knw, and then you can look out for the warning signs of them trying!
If you love your bf, then they won't be able to force you to break up with him!
I'm guessing that if your at uni, u don't live at home, which means that they can't control you!
be honest, what happens if you want to move in with him? Your parents will go even more mental coz they will they will think that you are moving too fast!
Just don't go into one over it, just drop it into convo that u have a new man, wen/if she asks how long tell her, about a year!
Just say it wasn't too serious so you never mentioned it!
Don't go over the top with the whole 'i love him' coz parents then get worried, just say your having sensible fun and that at the moment its nothing more!
Remember, they don't need to know everything!
Good luck babe! If you really love this guy and he really loves you, everything will be fine, i promise!

Answer 3

Hello Meinkstar,

Oh so young. 17.

I was 19 when I went through this said same dilemma a long time ago. In the end your parents do find out, and when something is found out after so long - they tell you that you are no longer trustworthy and the real antagaonistic anti boyfriend propaganda thought machine comes into play.

For me like you, I knew my father would not approve, the man I was seeing was 10 years older than I. Another musician and even though he was like a modern day Beethoven, or Francis Liszt,Schubert. He had debts and no regular work. He also came from an improverished area, Jarrow. I also knew that I was Daddies little girl especially after mam had died when I was 17, and became the woman of the house. I was the apple of his eye.

When the anti boyfriend verbal attacks came, I went on the defensive, which naturally placed a wall between us and pushed me closer towards my then boyfriend. Like you I was studying, for me a two year theatre course followed by another two year classical music course.That is also how we met and eventually parted.

Of course things weren't easy and I couldn't see what was wrong from my fathers perspective - that has come upon reflection. I was 19 with a brilliant operatic career in front of me, if I were to have children that would have been bye bye, he had debts and could never see his way clear, getting hitched would not have improved this, instead I'd be sharng equal responsiblility on debts that weren't mine. Also the life of the truly talented and gifted is not always easy, finding work for classical musicians is far harder and they are not likely to be found in your local social club picking up 60 pounds a night, at the piano or electronic keyboard or blasted well awful electric organ.

He was truly talented and gifted, better than Richard Clayderman but having come from a working class background his opportunities were thin off the ground. My father wasn't very nice about it at all and no matter how upset I got he was relentless. 'This man can not afford to keep you and look after you'. The idea of sharing was beyond my fathers understanding..'he can not afford to have you', My father look the liberty of making fun with his surname saying that it was appropriate for the area he had come from and that if I married him I would find myself kneeling in the 'Gutteridge'.

I did stand up to my father for some time, I even went so far as to leave home and move in with my boyfriend. I became engaged and made my own beautiful Victorian wedding dress. The constant battle I had with debts though made me mad, I'd no sooner get control of them and they'd spiral again and yes they weren't mine. But I was definitely in love and I was definitely a fool. Eventually I took a big step back and did a take on our situation, I ended our relationship and conceded that Dad was right all along.

So why had I kept my relationship secret for so long, I was 21 when I was found out some two years into it? Was I right to keep it secret, or did I suspect that to much interference would take place. Who knows, but psychologically I did know. I knew that in my fathers eyes, knowone' would ever be good enough for his little angel.

So I broke both our hearts, and yes I still have regrets. Your first relationship always stays in your mind and colours every following relationship. I can still see his tear stained face and absolute pallor when we were both on our knees, over the news that we weren't right for each other. I still have the letters which you only hear about being written in a bygone age of romance and kinship.

Now that my father is gone, I tend to think he was beng very selfish.

For me I still sing like an angel with the full knowledge of all the joys and sorrows in life.

Your relationship may well be Ok, maybe your worries are unfounded there is no way of telling unless you face them. Not all relationships end up in grim creek, it could be a test of your relationship and stamina. But you are so young to want to go it alone.

Whatever you decide between you, goodluck.

Answer 4

Dont u have to be 18 to come on here ? and i would tell ur perants if i was u coz its ur life 1 year away and u will be a full adult so do want u think is best if u love him that much u no whats rigth and wrong 4 u and him i mean been with him 4 a year so it ould brake his heart

from Elisha
Good luck

Answer 5

Just tell them, Your at collage away from home I take it so there is not much that they can do.
They must trust you to let you go so the longer you take in telling them the more hurt they will feel.
you have been with this Lad for a year now so your bond must be quite strong.
At 17 and away from home there is not a lot they can do and if they can get you to split from him then your bond must not be as strong as you think.
Ever hear the saying "Love conquers All"

Answer 6

Hiding something is never a good idea - it puts extra pressure on and sometimes you end up staying with someone for the wrong reasons.

Tell your parents and get it out into the open.
You are so young and have your life ahead of you, stop wasting it on subterfuge.

Answer 7

You are the one living your life not them...you have the right to make your own choices,friends and relationships.
You deserve to be happy and this guy makes you happy whether he is a "good" or "bad" choice. Only you can decide, but parents have to start treating you like an adult at some point and if your mature and upfront you will find that they might respect you for that. good luck xx

Answer 8

I think you should just sit down with the "easyist" parent first and confide in them exactly what you said in your question, that you FEEL that you love him, you resepct him and all you want is for your parents to like him too. Say how worried you have been in letting them know as you always felt like their little girl and you have been a bit embarresed to talk about it. but as you love him so much now and its got deeper between you and your bf, you think its time to share it with them. They will see how you feel when you tell them, they will recognise how scared you are. trust me. and if they give you a hard time, with respects, they are out of order. you are growing up now and need to experience these side of things in life. it is up to you tomake your own mistakes. and tell your bf how your parents are and your fears of them trying to break you two up. if it is love, they wont succed will they. you are doing well at uni, they should give you enough freeway to do what you want, you are showing that you are mature and respect yourself by wanting to do good in life.

they should realise all this, so stop worrying.

goodluck. xx (",)

Answer 9

bite the bullet and spit the words out. tell your parents you are worried how they are going to take the news but say apart from them (your parents) he is the best thing that has happened to you. tell them he has stuck by you for the past year and you have still stuck with uni, most people drop out when in a relationship has this seems to take over there life's, hopefully they will understand and stick by you.

Answer 10

You can't know for 100% how your parents are going to react. They'll probably be more upset that you didn't tell them for so long. But they have to look at that and ask themselves why you felt you couldn't tell them right? Just tell your parents (over the phone) that you've met a guy and you've been dating him for awhile. Tell them that you really like this guy and you want them to like him too. Tell them you've been afraid to tell them because of how they might react but that you can't keep lying to them. They probably wont react as badly as you think.