Should I stay or should I go?If your significant other tells you...?

Question

I've been married for 15yrs.my husband and I have had more than our share of ups and downs.Looking back it seems like more downs than ups.In the beginning we were abundantly happy with each other throughout all the problems a newlywed couple goes through.We were very dedicated to each other now that alot of time has past.The love we use to feel for each other has somehow vanished.We say we love each other but we're not in love with each other like we use to.We haven't been happy with each other for a very longtime now.We've talked about divorce on several different occassions.But we never seem to muster up the courage to do it.So I asked my husband if he's not happy with me why does he stay?His answer to me was the kids and the amount of yrs.we have invested in the marriage.That's it not because he loves me and he wants to make it work.Because if we didn't have kids we probably wouldn't be together.If you were me how would you feel?Would you stay and try to work it out,or leave?

Answer 1

are u still loving ur husband sit and speak with him about ur diffrence and u will get a good result

Answer 2

I would feel hurt too. Then I'd ask myself how it got to this point and approach it from that angle First, a serious discussion is in order. You both need to talk about why you feel as you do and whether it would be worth it to try and rekindle the former passion that you once had. We all say things in anger or frustration that we don't really mean. (like I'm only here because of the kids) It becomes easier to do as we get more frustrated with a situation we don't know how to fix. (By the way, staying together for the kids sake is a lousy reason. Kids would be happier if their parents divorced and moved onto a better, happier situation than to stay together and be miserable.)
If you just don't think it will work. Try a trial separation. When someone isn't there everyday, the alone time will force you to think long and hard as to whether a divorce is what you really want.
If staying together is a viable option, talk to a counselor, if possible. They can really help sort through the B.S. and get to the real heart of the problems. Also, put more effort into acting like you are in love with each other. Give each other a kiss or hug every morning and do it like you mean it. (No perfuntory kisses, please) Tell each other what initially attracted you to one another. Did you spend more quality time doing fun things together? That's one of the first things to go when kids are in the picture. A little time away from them can help you both recharge yourselves.You both had an identity besides "Mom" or "Dad" before. Did you give up on being yourselves, in addition to little "Juniors" mommy and daddy. Thinking of the other in a parental role can really kill the romance over time. It takes some creative thinking to recapture passion in a relationship.
In the end, if you choose to walk away, please stay civil and act like adults for your childrens sake. You don't have to love Daddy anymore, but they always will. Your children will always appreciate that their parents conducted themselves with grace and dignity during a difficult time.

Answer 3

Love should be the reason you should stay. You eed to remember WHY you got together in the first place, LOVE right? Unfortunatly couples forget or do not know that they need to keep rekindling their relationship as it goes on, but they don't. They wait till there is a big problem and then try and fix it. I'm sorry I can't be there to help out or talk to you both, but KIDs should never be the only reason you are staying together. Kids are not stupid and will probably or already have picked up on this and they do not deserve to be going thru your unhappy togetherness... Plus they will feel guilty already for thinking they were the problem, hmmm... then if they find out they THEY were the only reason that you strayed together was because of them, they will resent you for it.

The truth is you can go on and on ACTING like your a couple, but people are not dumb they can see right thru it all.... why spend your life unhappy and really alone, when there are plenty fish in the see that are seeking the happiness that you so deserve.

In closing, I would recommend that you not forget to constantly work on the relationship day to day, instead of ONLY when problems arise.... ( not saying that specifically did that, just saying for most cases.)
Good luck and may peace and harmony be with you.

Answer 4

Be careful not to draw an unfair conclusion. At the end of your explanation, you say, "That's it, not because he loves me." Earlier, however, you say, "We say we love each other." It is highly unlikely that both are true. When your husband said that he was staying with you for the kids and for the time invested, he probably assumed that he did not need to add in the fact that he also stays in the marriage because he loves you, since he does tell you that already. So, you have love and you have children. Sure, the exciting, passionate, romantic "in love" phase is over, but that's really no great loss when you think about the importance of family, children, stability, emotional support, companionship, love, sex, and all the other fantanstic benefits of being married. Stay! Work it out and get out of this marriage what you want out of it. If you quit a marriage every time the white-hot romance period ends, you're going to go through a LOT of husbands!

Answer 5

Stay and raise your children. It does not sound like it an intolerable situation just same old same old. The kids deserve both parents they will be grown soon and then if things are the same you will be free to do what ever you choose. On the other hand you could try to re spark the life you have already. Who knows there could be a lot of happiness to found in your very own bedroom now. Divorce is very easy to talk about it is very difficult to actually do. We don't realize that until we get out there but it is not all fun and games as many would lead us to think.

Answer 6

You sound like you just wrote my life story...My question for you is, do you love your husband? I have been married for 18 years and like you we've had more downs than ups..my husband also said we stayed married for the kids, etc...over the years we have also talked about divorce but never did. About 6 months ago I finally decided that I had enough...I told my husband that I loved him deeply but couldn't go on like this anymore...that I wanted more than just two people sharing space..he left for two days and we both had time to think things through...When he came back we had a long talk and we both listened to what the others needs and concerns were (we hadn't talked like that in years). We both decided to give our marriage a real chance. I can tell you that we still have obstacles to go through, but we have reopened the lines of communication and we actually find that we still enjoy each others company! Since starting a family we didn't take time for each other---now we make sure to have a "date night" atleast every other week or if we can't go out..once the kids are in bed, we pop a movie in and just enjoy being together. My point is, if the two of you are willing to give your marriage 100% it can work. Communication is very important! Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

Answer 7

The fact that the two of you can carry on a converation like that proves to me that there is still hope for you. Communication in marriage is the most important thing. Would he be willing to go to counseling with you? Are you both willing to make some changes to improve the marriage? If you tackle this like a problem that you both can solve, then it may draw you closer together then you have ever been.

To answer your original question. I personally would not leave my husband unless he was abusive or unfaithful. However, that is just me and no one can tell you what to do.

There is a reason why the two of you are still together after all that time.

Answer 8

I would feel deeply hurt.. You have every right too.... Things are not going to get better unless the both of you put in 100% effort and are willing to try and find that spark. If there is honestly nothing left in your marriage and you feel alone. I would get out. The tension your children can feel, and if the Man only loves you because you are the Mother of his children you are wasting year's of your life. If you are not happy No body is going to be. I wish you the best of luck with this. Muster up the strength to make it work and be in Love with each other or Muster up the strength to allow yourself and your children to move on with life and get a divorce...

Answer 9

I have always been a firm believer that no two people should ever stay together just for the kids. I know that a lot of people really believe that staying together in a marriage for the kids is the right thing too do but in my opinion the kids are only getting hurt more. Kids are smart, and believe me, It doesn't take long for them too figure out that their parents are not happy. Kids also grow up, and then where are you going too be?
Your husband was honest with you but he didn't give you one good reason too actually stay in this marriage. It sounds like you both are wanting out but neither one of you want too take that first step. So, Why don't you be the one too make the first step in ending this marriage and be on your way too making life happier for YOU !! Your kids will be fine, maybe even happier since you and your husband both will be much happier people!!

Answer 10

It depends on how committed you are to the relationship. It sounds like you guys have talked a lot about divorce, but I'm not hearing that you really tried to make the marriage work - it's like you're both too lazy to do anything. Start going out on a date every week, liven up things in the bedroom, get involved in your kids activities together - do SOMETHING to show you care and chances are he will start doing the same. Don't give up just because neither of you are strong enough to go through the divorce - it sounds like things are just stale and need to be shaken and revived. Best of luck!

Answer 11

If you are christian and a strong believer, nothing is impossible with God. You have to pra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!y. God will see you through this and your children will lead better lives because their Mummy and Daddy stayed together despite the ups and downs, ins and outs.
Do not give up, you spend 15 years with the man, you know him.
Be nice and try to rekindle the fire of love.
The only reason for not trying is if you or him is interested in someone else.
Come on do not add to the statistics in the divorce court.
Love and blessings.