I have found myself falling more and more out of love with my husband over the years. We have been married nearly 8 years, and have 2 children, one of which is autistic, which has put a strain on things, as well as the fact that I was diagnosed with a kidney disease a few years ago.
We always have plenty to talk about, and we argue from time to time, but lately the discussions have been more serious - like the future of our marriage. He has started a new job, and I am about to start one too. There is a fair bit of stress in the house from all this, and we haven't had sex for months. I haven't wanted to, and neither has he. We are rarely intimate any more. We don't hug or kiss any more. He went away on business for a week and I didn't even miss him. In fact, I felt better once he wasn't around. I don't know if it is just a symptom of all the stress of the last few years, and whether something is salvagable. I don't want to split up, but it's hardly a happy marriage.
2006-10-11 03:41:04 · 18 answers · asked by helly 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have also gained weight lately and lost a lot of self confidence. He drinks too much and wont admit he has a problem. He is not cheating and neither would I - ever. I am not interested in finding another man. I do still love him - I just don't think I am in love with him. Can this ever come back?
2006-10-11 03:44:12 · update #1
We have sat down and talked about this at length, but it always turns into a tit for tat discussion about who does what, and the things we aren't happy about, and it seems to make things worse.
2006-10-11 03:48:20 · update #2
I have NEVER advised marriage counseling on these boards....but in this instance I am, because no one is cheating and it sounds like you really want to make this work- and you should, you have a family, and it will only stay strong, which it needs to be, if you all stay together.
Talk to your husband. Tell him how much you really want to make it work. Tell him you want to grow in love for him again. Write down all the things he does do that are wonderful; if he is a hard worker to provide for the family, thank him..list every single thig you can think of that is positive about him...read the list to him or give him the list. Apologize for your shortcomings as a wife. Tell him you want to be a better wife to him. Ask him how you can be a better wife. Tell him you would like to have a mediater (marriage couselor) work with the two of you to help get you guys get started solving some of your problems in a positive way. Try your best no to attack him, seek his opinion and help, and he will be open to allowing an outsider in to help with the marriage.
Good luck to you!!!! You guys can do this!
2006-10-11 04:43:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shake him up a little , make him think he lost you , call an old girl friend in another state , book a flight , only don't tell him anything , just be missing for 3 days or a week , buy some extra personal things and pack a bag , leave your keys , phone , tooth brush , I.D.'s , you can go to dmv tell then you lost your license , usually it only cost 5 bucks , you need a new picture anyways , it will put through h-ll but , he will remember what he loves about you , call it shock therapy , O' don't forget tell the police somebody might try to report you missing , they won't tell him anything , good luck.......
2016-03-18 07:50:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 21 years, have 4 children and 2 grand children. marriage is something that has to be worked at constantly. It takes the both of you to make it work. all marriages go through highs and lows, it is impossible not to, but every marriage is worth fighting for. I think one important thing is to both take time out just for yourselves together. a special time to talk and reconnect and begin to get some romance back . This needs to be done on a regular basis, it will feel strange at first but will get better. You both should start thinking of what you could do together that you would both enjoy. Counsel from a good counsellor that has a success full marriage would be a good idea. good luck
2006-10-11 04:00:52 · answer #3 · answered by s.a.f. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Almost every relationship - marriage,friendship, work, etc. goes through this. Some come out healthy on the other side, some do not.
The answer is right in front of you. You cannot change anyone or anything but yourself. Amazingly, once you change, almost everything around you will change - including your marriage.
There is a great prayer -
God, grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to the know the difference.
Lose weight. Get healthy. Be happy. Focus on all that is good in your life, not what is bad and you will find being grateful to be a blessing.
Take care.
Mike
2006-10-11 03:50:02 · answer #4 · answered by Mike 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation really isn't unusual, but it is good that you have identified a problem and are trying to do something about it. I would seriously consider couples counseling now before it is too late. It would be an awesome chance for you to get to the root of the problem....obviously you still love him, so perhaps the diminished feelings of affection are driven by other stressors in your life, possibly one you have not thought of yet.
Also, like you said, having an autistic child puts a strain on things over time....if you are both stressed constantly then over time it only makes sense that you get so worn down that you can't even manage to hug each other anymore.
I hope you all are able to work on this together.
Take Care!
2006-10-11 03:56:20 · answer #5 · answered by iloveeeyore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was in this same sittuation 6 months ago .first put that d word out of your vocabulary. you havent cheated on each other so maybe just tell him you need some alone time with him send kids away for a weekend and go away.someplace where you can be alone for the whole time. when your alone i think it will be easier to talk. and see where you both stand. you dont sound like your ready for break up,and i bet he isnt eitheir. camping or a bed and breakfast would be great.
2006-10-11 03:55:50 · answer #6 · answered by crank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Starting a new job is stressfull and with both of you doing so it is even worse. Have you thought about seeing a couselor together? I have been married 11 years and there have been times where we had the same problems. We just stuck it out and those feelings came back around. One thing that we did was to have date night. We also set aside 20 or 30 minutes a day were we had alone time and we would talk about our day, how things were going with us etc... It was really wierd and kinda goofey at first but then it became something I looked forward to. We also have a game that is fun. The game we have is geared more towards the bedroom, but alot of the things are like "tell your mate what are three things you find attractive in them". Good luck to you and dont give up.
2006-10-11 03:50:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart if the heart has gone out of your marriage there is nothing at all you can do....You now sound more like brother and sister....If you are staying together for the sake of your children then that is absolutely wrong....Kids have brains and they know when something is not going right...They would rather see you happy than see you both arguing all the time and being unhappy....Intimacy is borne out of love and if that love has gone then there is no intimacy no matter what.
It's better for all concerned that you part....and don't be surprised after a while if he try's to sleep with you again!!! I find it amazing how many men and women get on much better after they divorce than they ever did when they were married.....
How do I know all this??? I know because I was that soldier!!!
I'm sure someone will explain that little joke to you...LOL
Friendship can exist without love.....
But love cannot exist without friendship.....
You have to learn to be friends again or there is no future for you..
And remember Sweetheart there are plenty more fish in the sea!!! Take me for example (PLEASE)...LOL
2006-10-11 04:08:08 · answer #8 · answered by JayJay0k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really can come back. All you need to do is stay committed and it seems like you both are. If you want to fix it simply tell him you'd like to start seeing a marriage counselor. Tell him you love him and don't want to lose each other and it feels like you are just room mates any more. If he doesn't want to go you still can go by yourself. I bet the therapist would have some great techniques to help you gain back some confidence which will in turn make you feel more like having sex. I know it can be expensive but its really worth it.
2006-10-11 03:47:17 · answer #9 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not a good sign that you don't kiss or make love anymore. I'm sure it has to do with him gaining weight and not feeling good about himself and nothing to do with you. I don't think it's abnormal that you didn't miss him while he was goine because we all need our space and it sounds like your lonely even when he is there and I bet the drinking doesn't help that. I would really suggest going to couseling, that is, if you still care enough to go to counseling. Marriage is worth fighting for...so don't give up.
2006-10-11 04:04:38 · answer #10 · answered by Gracie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋