Should I leave him after 5 years?

Question

I'm 24 student and have been in a relationship for 5 years during which time most of it has been happy. About two years ago I needed some space so we split up for a month after which we got back together. Nothing has ever been the same with us having a huge argument on a monthly basis and saying now we'll try and make things better. However, I do have generally a good life. We've just moved into a new house (rented) and support each other on many things. I'm in my last year of University and am afraid if I leave him I can't afford to live anywhere and it's an incredibly stressful time to leave but I don't know if I can be miserable for another 9 months. We aren't close anymore, have sex less than 3 times a month and very rarely do anything together (it's more like we're housemates). I have been unfaithful once and almost unfaithful a lot more times. I'm just so confused about what to do, whether to stay or go as the song goes. Any advice appreciated. Thanks

Answer 1

Being in a relationship means sharing more than just the bedroom. I think you have grown comfortably being uncomfortable. The stress has become norm, and that's a very bad sign. You have your entire life ahead of you. If you really feel that the sum of your relationship equates to housemates; admit it to yourself and him. In regards to living spaces; address that issue with him. Perhaps it might work out for both of you to live together without the pressure of sex. If you can't be faithful, end it right away. Sometimes people are better friends, than lovers.

Answer 2

Dear Ian,
Five years is a long time, however are you prepared to live the same for another five years? I suspect the answer is no. If you are unable to openly and freely communicate your concerns, without ending up in an argument, then what future do you have with this person? Forget the financial issues, they will resolve themself in time, however your sanity is far more important. At your age, I used to have sex more in one day that you indicate that you and your partner are having in an entire month. That is certainly a sad state of affairs to have a relationship in, and whether it is actually worth saving is the question you both have to answer. I'd bet your gut feeling would suggest you end this relationship, and renew your own feelings, goals and then open up the door to your heart, and start afresh. A decision like this is never an easy one, but now is the time. Good luck.

Answer 3

it seems the relationship has gotten to the point where it's time to try something new to re spark that old flame or to be gentle swept under the rug so to speak. if you really do feel that it's over perhaps you can come to an arrangement where the relationship is over but you can stay housemates. When it comes down to it you should never stay with someone because it's easy. It should purely be based on love. if all is lost and you can't stay in the same house then it's time for you to either move in with a mate or move back home till your studies are over. There is always a way. Good luck champ.

Answer 4

Ouch. Well if you don't have feelings for him then it is over. Thank god you rent. As far as the money goes don't worry about it. You will figure that out. But I will say this. It sounds like any other couple gay or straight to me. If you are wanting something that is going to curl your toes and then do it 5 years later you had better be able to also hit the lottery every time you buy into it! It doesn't exsist. You might want to double check and make sure you aren't happy just because of the strange sex aspect of it. DONT DO IT! IT IS NOT GOOD AND YOU RUN THE CHANCE OF CATCHING SOMETHING!

Answer 5

I'm sure you know that if your staying just for financial reasons, your wrong. If you choose to stay under those circumstances, then you need to come clean and post a whole new set of rules for both of you. In my experience, it still won't work. Get out and deal with the financial issues, no one said life was all fun and easy.

Answer 6

I know what you are going through. If he leaves completely, you are out of luck without this particular lifestyle, and if you stay with him, you are miserable? Weigh your options, I know that I would be uncomfortable with a less of a certain way of living, so I have stayed, but I base my success of what I gave up to get to where I'm going, including happiness. It's not for everyone. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 7

The real question is do you love him and does he love you. Not do you both care for one another - do you LOVE one another. I say it is time to sit down and have a talk about your realtionship and what you both want out of life.

If you decide you both want to end the realionship you could agree to stay as roommates until it is easier for you both to find a place. But that could lead to some hurt feelings if either of you date someone else.

Seriously though, communication is the key to resolving this issue.

Answer 8

Doesn't sounds like you're happy or in love.

Just think of all the things you could be doing / finding if you weren't holding yourself back in a relationship that makes you unhappy.

When you stop being happy and fall out of love, it's time to leave.

Yes, it would be stressful, but it's also something that takes courage. You'll be hurt, yes, but also proud.

Answer 9

This is what you do:
If you leave now you will regret it later when you're older. This is not the time for honor and politcal correctness. Stick it out for the next 9 months and leave then. You'll have your education then and you be 9 months older and smarter. You gotta do what you gotta do. Too bad for him.

Answer 10

It sounds like you know the answer to that one already, and you know you'd both be better off moving on. You can find another roommate. Start doing so now and get plans made.