Please help! i don't know what to do. My boyfriend really wants to have a baby and he's going to the hospital on friday to get fertility tests done. He made this appointment behind my back. We've been together nearly three years and he's 38, and i'm 24. I'm really not ready to have a baby with him, and we've been going through a bad patch lately too. I'm scared to tell him because i think he'll just leave, he really wants to be a dad and he said he'll go elsewhere. I love him lots and just want him to wait a year or two. :-(
2006-10-11 02:59:10 · 23 answers · asked by sausagejockey 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
it's him who thinks he's infertile. He was with a girl for five years before me and nothing happened but he didn't go for tests then.
2006-10-11 03:21:01 · update #1
[H]eavy stuff here. I know most guys don't want to be in their 40's when they are starting to have kids. I also see your point as you are 24 and want a couple years. You are at different places in your life. If the relationship is meant to be and meant to last you guys can work it out but you both need to be honest. If he is more passionate about having kids than being with you, then you need to ask more serious questions about the relationship.
2006-10-11 03:04:19 · answer #1 · answered by [B] 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What make you think that even if you did have his baby he would not go else where anyway??? When I was your age I already had a child and if I could do it all again I would have waited you are 24 and there is so much to see and do and as nice as it may (sometimes) be to be a parent it is not the be all and end all. Remember you are the one who has to carry and deliver the baby do not let anyone push you into anything. Your body your choice.
2006-10-11 10:16:09 · answer #2 · answered by Label Lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow thats a tough situation you're in. He is getting on a bit so probably feels like he should start a family. Do all of hios mates his age have families? that can usually trigger such issues. Your still young and want to enjoy your life as you have a few years to go before the maternal clock starts ticking. The best thing would be talk through it, explain your fears and that you do want children but want to wait for a while. Ask him why he can't wait a while longer and see whether you can reach a compromise as to the time you wait before you start trying.
2006-10-11 10:19:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him how you feel if he loves you enough he will wait a couple of years and if you have been going through a bad patch then now is not the right time for a baby and as for him going elsewhere as he puts it, that is just emotional blackmail, maybe you should think twice about staying with this guy anyway, hope it all turns out well for you good luck
2006-10-11 10:36:35 · answer #4 · answered by bluebell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really loved you then he would wait, it is only a year or two. He also needs to take into consideration your age, he is alot older than you.
Sometimes people need to let go of the things they love the most, for the better. If he is prepared to leave you, to have a kid with someone else just because your not ready. Then he is in no way worth it. He doesn't care for you, he just cares about himself.
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that, who is that selfish?
2006-10-11 10:18:06 · answer #5 · answered by Prudence22 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he can't respect your feelings and your body, then he isn't the one you need to be with. Plus, having a baby in time of trouble isn't healthy for the baby or the relationship. Tell him what you said, if he leaves, let him. Find someone younger, who is on the same page as you. That way, when you are ready to have a baby, it will be all good. Besides, who wants a man like that around, controlling the situation? And when I say "situation" I mean your body and your life!
2006-10-11 10:07:21 · answer #6 · answered by shondak 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He wants a baby but isn't interested in marrying you?? Does he have other children? If so is he paying child support?? If your relationship isn't so good now getting pregnant won't help! Having a baby shouldn't be more important to him than his feelings for you. Be careful or you could find yourself raising a child alone. Talk to him tell him how you feel also keep in mind that he is getting older and soon will be beyond an ideal age to have a child and be able to do the things he may want to do with his son or daughter.
2006-10-11 10:09:42 · answer #7 · answered by dano 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Please be honest with him and let him know that you do not want a baby. Tell him it is not a rush or a race to have a kid and there is more to it than that. A child bring a lot of changes in your life, if you are going through a rough patch having a kid will not make things right..Just have a heart to heart chat with him, if he is not understandable... then you know what to do...Good luck....D
2006-10-11 10:45:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't have baby for the wrong reasons. Down the road there is a divorce in this relationship (I do hope there would be marriage before pregnancy) If he is willing to leave you because of this, he isn't going to stay for the long haul. What is his next threat? And, if he does leave, it will still take him 2 years to have a baby .... unless he already has someone lined up?
2006-10-11 10:26:17 · answer #9 · answered by lollipop 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isnt right for you if he is putting this pressure on you. Your relationship doesnt sound all that stable at the moment and if he decides to leave you will be the one left with the child. Tell him that you want to wait for a while and if he says hes leaving then Im sorry but he cant really love you anyway.
2006-10-11 10:04:11 · answer #10 · answered by jean m 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋