what you think of this sentence? anything wrong? 10 points for great help?

Question

I am doing a project for this, and there this sentence i am not sure if got anything wrong. Need your kind help here.
"In the past and the future, we remain committed to serve our customer with utmost attention, quality care and focused passion in mind. Our goal is to make you feel our sincerity in providing you with the best and experiencing the world-class sales and after-sales-services, a sensation that you’ll never forget."
Please read this sentence, is there any mistake? please correct for me as i need to submit this tomorrow and thanks for your help.

Answer 1

In the past and the future is incorrect. You need to say in the past and in the future. Drop the "in mind" in the next sentence. It hangs there making the sentence confusing. In the next sentences, since the preceding subject was the customer, I would use the word customer instead of "you." Our goal is to make our customer feel secure by providing the best service possible. The original sentence was way too long and wordy. Than .. We offer world class sales and after sales services. This sentece is a modification of the long and wordy sentence that was being used.The use of the word sensation in regard to services is rather ify. Change the whole sentence to "Once our customers have experienced our level of service, our customers will be completely satisfied." So try this: In the past and in the future, we remain committed to serve the customer with attention, quality care and focused passion. Our goal is to make our customer feel secure by providing the best service possible. We offer world class sales and after sales services. Once our customers have experienced our level of service, they will be completely satisfied . Good luck,. The sentences were too long, words were awkward, and the message didnt read wll. Ex , retired english teacher.

Answer 2

As in the past and into the future we remain committed to serve our customers with utmost attention, quality care and focused passion in mind.

Our goal is to make you feel our sincerity in providing you with the best and helping you experience our world-class sales and after-sales-services, a sensation that you will never forget.

It's a little wordy, but not bad.

Answer 3

In the past, we were committed to serve our customers with utmost attention, quality care, and focused passion in mind. Our future goal is to make you feel our sincerity in providing you with the best world-class sales and after-sales-services experiences, a sensation that you'll never forget.

Answer 4

In the past, present and future, we remain committed to serving our customers with the utmost attention, quality care and focused passion in mind. Our goal is to make you feel our sincerity in proving you with the experience, world class sales and after sales services. This will be a sensation you will never forget.

Answer 5

"As we were in the past, and as we intend to be now and into the future, we are committed to serve our customers with utmost attention, quality, care and passion. Our goal is to make you ever conscious of our sincerity, to provide
you with world class sales and after-sales services, and to ensure your satisfaction at all stages."

Slightly shorter, but it makes all the points you wish to put over. Hope it helps.

Answer 6

I don't see any grammar errors, but would change a couple of things. I would get rid of "In the past and the future" and change it to simply read "We will always be committed to serving . . . " Also, more important, you don't want to "make" your customers feel anything, you want to "show you our sincerity while providing . . . ". Just a couple of suggestions for you to ponder . . . . Good luck!