In 1999 my "baby" found me and at first it was so wonderful.I was always careful when writing to call her adoptive parents her mum and dad,and played things her way. Unfortunately after a while her letters became full of remorse for upsetting her parents and I could tell she regretted finding me. Now I feel as though I have lost her again. I still send birthday cards etc and write with any family news ,but I get no reply. I can understand her parents fears and hers too as they are in their 70 s now.Can anyone help please.
2006-10-11 02:48:11 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Hello Christine , I was sadden to read that you had to give your baby up when you were 16, I was very lucky I was 16 having my son and by the time my parents found out I was 6 months pregnant , but I was lucky and they stood by me and help me bring up my son, so I had all the freedom I wanted to go out etc. Your story is such a sad 1 as your baby found you, that was the right thing to do you did not go prying into her life and upsetting her life, with her adoptive parents , you abided time. It was great to hear that you got on so well in the begging. Only your daughter knows the answers you crave for , but sadly she has stop communicating with you. Do not blame your self as you said you stepped on egg shells to make things all good, but maybe your daughter did not realise the hurt it would cause her adoptive parents, maybe they thought they were inadiqate in some way in her life why she should of looked for you. They are very old now and scared maybe that their daughter which they brought up may go off and leave them , you dont know how older people think, they feels as if maybe they are not wanted now , and maybe they have cried , who know's only your daugter. Im so sorry that you think you have lost her again but deep down your daughter knows where you are, if she will ever needs you again in the future. Keep on sending her birhday cards and letters as they do mean you do care for her, she as a right to change her mind. Maybe she contacted you a wee bit to early , as it's upset her adoptive parents so much she can not handle the guilt of seeing the hurt in their eyes, They are geting on in age, so maybe when the time is right again in your daughters life she will get back with you through a letter or phone call, at least you are now in her life and if she does ever need you she got that choice. Try and be patient and be glad she contacted you even if it was only for a short time , but I have a feeling you have not lost her completly, she as got a lot of thinking to do , and she wants to look after her ageing adoptive parents as they must of cared for her very lovingly , be happy for her that such a nice couple adopted your daughter and made her the woman she is today , be proud of their effets for what they did for you, bringing up your lovly daughter. In time you will be back in contact, but not at this moment in time , I know your hurting , but just keep on sending the cards etc, just to remind her that you love her and always will. and that you always have since the day she was born. best of luck to you in the future lv Debbie j x
2006-10-11 03:31:57 · answer #1 · answered by bonniebella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
properly having a infant is a private accountability on taking good care of that newborn. That the newborn has a father too this is bringing it up and the mothers and fathers stay mutually, ideally in marriage. not having to place the accountability on human beings to preserve the newborn each and every of the time (frequently the grand mum and dad) on the grounds which you're youthful and prefer to bypass out socializing, ought to artwork and such. That the rearing of the newborn could be financially afforded and to the accountability of the mummy and dad and not be reliant of the government for financing. what share sixteen year olds in fantastic condition that standards, not too many, very few certainly. in simple terms by way of fact your physique can produce a infant does not mean that accountability for a fashion infant would be raised and paid for would not count. A sixteen year previous isn't very experienced and must be taught good classes in existence interior the person international not sparkling out of school. ultimately the incontrovertible fact which you should ask this question means which you at the instant are not waiting for the two intercourse or a infant. in simple terms on the grounds which you're sixteen does not mean you'll have intercourse. And your questions show you're nevertheless a newborn not a mature person. Having little brother and sister fights that youngsters do. Like extremely some sixteen year olds do.
2016-11-27 21:22:42 · answer #2 · answered by akien 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds tough and it must be painful. I would write her a very brief letter. It should say (1) you're happy that she found you; (2) you understand that it may be painful to her parents, and that you don't want to cause any pain; (3) that you'll always there for her if she needs you. That's love. She will eventually recognize it and come to you when she's ready. And only when she's ready. While you're waiting, just send a birthday and/or Christmas card every year. I think it won't be that long before she get's in touch again.
Make sure you always include your email address!
2006-10-11 02:54:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
What you did by giving her up for adoption was selfless. Believe me, I know. Been there.
You no longer get a reply when you send cards, etc which pretty much means she is no longer interested in keeping a relationship going with you. Im sorry for that. As old as she is now, she is still your child and her feelings are priority. As painful s it may be, you need to let her go.
2006-10-11 02:55:45 · answer #4 · answered by JC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be grateful that you found her for a while at least and know she has grown up safely. She is obviously content with her life and the biggest gift you can give her is to let her lead it in her own way with whoever she wants. It is hard for you but a huge number of people have never found their child again so keep being thankful for what you have had.
2006-10-11 02:55:50 · answer #5 · answered by SYJ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not sure what to say cos I am not in that situation and dont know what it feels like, But may be you could write all your feelings in a diary and keep doing this so in years to come she can see that you never stopped loving her, just remember its hard for her too.
Best of wishes and I hope you work it outxxx
2006-10-11 02:57:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
please e mail me.
2006-10-11 05:02:32 · answer #7 · answered by eagledreams 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋