how can you get them back on the right path when the law wont allow you ?
2006-10-11 02:45:31 · 16 answers · asked by . 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You've had 16 years to show her whatever you've got to show. Now is the time to give her some faith. If you try to control her, all that will happen is she will hide things from you. If you give her love and support, she'll be stronger and clearer. Even if you are worried about what she's doing, she needs to know that you trust her to survive any mistakes she makes, and that you'll be there as a support rather than as an enforcer. The time has come to make a bond with her as friends. Good luck!
2006-10-11 02:52:48 · answer #1 · answered by beast 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a tough time for parents and children. The bottom line is that you have to set your boundaries and stick to them. At sixteen there's not much that can be done in the way of punishment other than to take away privileges, but it's amazing how far that goes. Beyond that, stick to your guns and set a good example. Like I told my kids - I have three girls and a boy - you can follow my counsel or not. If you do I'll help you all I can. If you don't, you're on your own. My youngest daughter and one of her friends got caught shoplifting once. I called the store manager and asked him why they didn't call the police on them then told my daughter if she ever went to juvenile court I would beg the judge to lock her up. She never shopliftetd again.
2006-10-11 03:27:53 · answer #2 · answered by Spud55 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had this problem with a 16 year old daughter; she's now 19 and truthfully, all you can do is talk until you're blue in the face! I know it don't seem like it now but talking does make all the difference in the world! My daughter was out of control; did what she pleased no matter the consequences, she just was uncontrollable, I tried grounding her, taking away her car, etc. nothing I did got through to her! She decided one day to run away with a bunch of friends in a stolen car, they went from state to state until they ended up in Colorado where they were all finally caught and sent to a group home! She has learned from all her mistakes and today still lets me know that all I've said to her has made the world of difference in her life and that's all she thought about when in trouble is she wished she would of listened to me and this wouldn't of happened, but all the same it's a learning process and sometimes they have to make their own mistakes to learn such a valuable lesson! Good Luck and hang in there!
2006-10-11 02:58:28 · answer #3 · answered by shelly_mo67 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you know your daughter is going down the "wrong path" they you need to make some serious mommy adjustment. You are the parent!! I am not saying send her to boot camp but, I am saying do not let her walk on you because the "law" won't allow you to parent. That is the key word is Parent and believe me being a parent is not always easy. If sneaking around is the issue then you need to put, her on house arrest let people come in but, she can not leave unless she is with you. You know what is right when it comes to your child. Don't let her make life changing mistakes because you are afraid that she won't respect you.
2006-10-11 02:51:10 · answer #4 · answered by *~Love is Dead~* 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have suggestion....
Limit everything. Take away the phone, the internet, the TV, the driving priviledges. Stop allowing her to see the friends whom are contributing to her deliquiency. Drop her off at school and pick her up again in the afternoon. If she 'sneaks out' at night or during the school days, call the police and have them pick her up. If her clothing are reflective of her deliquiency, take them and throw them away.
YOU must take control of her life. You are the parent and therefore you provide everything she has. If you throw away all the 'bad clothes' and go through her room and search out the bad stuff and destroy it.... what is she going to do? YOU must get back in control.
So many times parents are afraid to make drastic changes to their kids lifestyles that they stand by and watch them spriral out of control. If you firmly believe her path is taking her down the road of self destruction, then you should have no problem take extreme steps to prevent it. Your child does what she does... because you let her. PERIOD.
You as a parent have every right to monitor her calls, restrict her travels and search her belongings. I do suggest that sit down with her first and give her the following points:
1. We love you.
2. We are your parents and because we love you, we are concerned about your behaviour and the direction you are head.
3. Point out the behaviour you are concerned with and give her a chance to respond with underlying reasons and if she feels this is a problem or not.
4. Keep calm and try to discuss rationally.
Now the fun part....
5. Explain that her behaviour will have to change. Explain that should she continue to behave in this manner you will revoke ALL her priviledges and she will have to earn them back. These priviledges include outside communications, dress, entertainment and travel.
6. Tell her she must now focus on her education and becoming responsible. This is her new first priority.
7. FOLLOW THROUGH! If you don't, you've just accepted the fact that she daughter is going to self destruct.
Oh... check out MySpace and see if she has a profile. If she does then read it. If it's on MySpace is public knowledge so obviously anyone can read it. If it's marked at private, create a bogus MySpace profile and ask to be her friend.. if you create a profile of the type of person she would be interested in... then she'll let you right in. Remember... you are the parent.. anything and everything you do to protect your child is certainly with in your right to do.
TAKE CONTROL OF HER LIFE.
It really does come down to that.
Good luck.
2006-10-11 03:03:58 · answer #5 · answered by wrkey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 16, and last year, i was heading way way way down the wrong path, and the only way i learnt, is from my mistakes.. At first i was living with my mum and i was doing alsorts of things.. you wouldn't believe, i then went to live with my dad for a few months.. in this time, i got worse and realised that life at mums was PARADISE!!! compared to there.. i don't know exaclty how you can help her, but i hope you do :) Good Luck :D XX
2006-10-11 02:48:46 · answer #6 · answered by Jemma P 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
allow you to what ?if you mean if you spank that as*?well if things are that out of control,you could tell the court that if you don't get to her,they will have to.You know what?there comes a time in some children's life when they have to take responsibility for the actions of their choices .i am not saying do nothing.but sometimes all you can do is try to reach them and constantly pound right and wrong in their ears.they hate it,but that's our job as parents, to teach and warn .to guide and love them.when it gets so they want to do as they please and you find that this is not the child you use to know,unless that child is causing harm to someone else,you will have to let the chips fall where they may.There comes a day when the hard headed have to deal with their choices and the consequences.listen.I know you hate to see your child suffer,but suffering brings obedience.
2006-10-11 02:57:21 · answer #7 · answered by punkin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The time to put her under your thumb is over.
You have to gain her respect and hope you can have an evolving relationship that can help her.
That means you will have to accept her and some of her faults and be a good example.
This does not mean that you allow her to run over you either, some rules have to stay in place while she is living with you. But chose wisely, she could move out.
Good Luck and God Bless you both.
Peace!
2006-10-11 02:49:22 · answer #8 · answered by C 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My daughter is 15 and the law will not stop me from changing her direction. When your daughter is in jail, you are judged as a bad parent. When you try to discipline, you are charged as a child abuser! I figure this way. I discipline the way i see fit, if the law sees it different, let them raise her. She threatened to call children and family services on me one time. I picked up the phone and called for her. She decided very quickly that she wanted to stay home. :-)
2006-10-11 02:49:23 · answer #9 · answered by Patti T 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
All you can do for your daughter is to keep the lines of communication open between the two of you. Let her know you love her and what what is best in life for her. Express your concerns without sounding judgmental, this will show her you are looking out for her best interest.
If she gets too out of control, and you have lost respect from her, then I would look into counseling to see what she is lacking in life, through her eyes. Most teenagers act out due to lacking something they think they need in life, so figure out what that is.
Remember to tell her daily you are proud of her and that you love her.
2006-10-11 02:48:52 · answer #10 · answered by razzyrascal 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋