he drinks 6-10 cans of lager every night, more at weekends, is verbally abusive to me when drunk, he makes it clear his sons (ages, 19, 21 and 23) will always come before me. he is a builder but will do nothing in house, one of his sons broke my back door window after attacking us both, and he has broken windows in drunken rages. he lies, has been with his exwife, who he has made clear to me the only one he'll ever love, he comes home from work, doesnt attempt conversation with me, stands at back door, till he's pissed then comes and gives me mental attacks.
2006-10-11 02:12:25 · 49 answers · asked by sharon f 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I don't even need to read anything more than the first line of your question to answer...without a shadow of a doubt...YES!
2006-10-11 02:13:45 · answer #1 · answered by gromitski 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Sharon. Just read your question about your partner. Its a decision that at the end of the day only you can make. All you can do is listen to other peoples experiences and then judge for yourself what is best. I have had a similar experience with an ex husband. He had an accident quite a few years ago now, and came very close to dying. But he pulled through, but then instead of celebrating life, he became an abusive alcoholic, certainly not the man I had been with for over 20 years and married. It started off slowly, drinking more than usual, until in the end it cost him his work. We lived abroad which made the whole thing more difficult, as his family were back in England. He turned to drinking vodka, and asking me for the money to buy it. When I refused he would get very violent and nasty. Then he stared stealing it from the local supermarkets. I actually prayed he would get caught and locked up to give me a break from it all. All through this I was working trying to keep a roof over our heads. The only saving grace is that we had no children to worry about. Anyway in the end I called his parents and begged them to come and take him home, as by this time he had stopped eating, and was rapidly losing weight. His Mum came in the end, and was shocked by what she was greeted with. Thankfully we managed to get him on a flight ( half sober ) and back to the UK. I never took him back, he phoned and begged to come back and I refused. By this time I was a physical and emotional wreck, and looked 10 years older than I actually was. This whole thing spanned 18 months of my life, the worst 18 months I have ever had. I havent seen him to this day, he phoned at the start, but eventually that stopped when he realised nothing was going to make me change my mind. That was over 5 years ago now, Im still living and working abroad with a new partner, and dont regret what I did one bit. I hope this has helped you, if only in a small way to come to some kind of decision, as to what to do with the rest of your life. Whatever you decide I wish you well. By the way my name is Sharon too!! Good Luck.
2006-10-11 02:32:25 · answer #2 · answered by shaz b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man. You have a tough situation. But trust me you can get out and do it while you still can. I was living with my boyfriend long ago and I knew things were turning for the worst when I discovered he was on heroin. He ended up abusing me and harrassing me and a month later I was about to leave and he put my 19month old in the hospital and she suffered a cerebral hematoma. She was in the hospital for 5 days and I was absolutley devastated. I knew he was deciding on how to kill me, he was paranoid and I put a restraining order on him.
This was 4 years ago and currently he is serving 3 consecutive life sentences for killing his next girlfriend and her 2 relatives. They are capable of the most horrific things and I really hope you make the right decision for yourself and be safe. His sons are bad too and that just proves that they only know violence.
Please get help now and never go back.
2006-10-11 02:19:56 · answer #3 · answered by djzlyric 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you should have been gone long ago. You should throw him out for being abusive alone, and if he will not get help for the drinking, that is a whole different reason to get away from him. Take care of yourself...If he has made it clear that his sons will come first and he will only love his ex, then I say you can do much better. Don't just get away from him, get away from all of them. You deserve to be happy and treated right, not just by your man, but by any of his children he may have. I wish you luck...
2006-10-11 02:16:35 · answer #4 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholics have huge deep rooted problems with their emotions! The only way he will change is if he doesn't drink! It can then take 6 months to a year for all of his brain chemicals to start firing normally! AS LONG AS HE'S DRINKING - he will continue to be a dick!
Leave him and BE ALONE for a very long time! I suggest that you attend Domestic Violence counseling as well!
There's something wrong with you that you didn't leave at the first sign of an anger problem!!
Trust me - I should know, I was married to an alcoholic and then had a two year relationship with somebody who's bi-polar!
I realized with counseling that it's not just them that's got the issue - it's me too!
Like I said, BE ALONE and figure out who you are and why you would tolerate the abuse to begin with!!
Good Luck!!
2006-10-11 02:21:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hears what I've done in the past! get a pen and paper on one side put all the reasons why you are together and on the other side wright all the reasons why you should split! or Evan better just look at what he and his sons have done to you so far ! why do you want to stay with some one who,( at the end of the day) doesn't love you! LIFE IS TO SHORT to be with some one who dose that to you! get rid of him...... and as soon as he is gone phone up your girlie mates get a film in and bring on the chocolate ! take your self on a shopping spree, or just pamper your self . you don't have to put up with this ! I'm not saying that it will be easy to leave him and I'm not saying every thing will be a bead of roses once he has gone. i am saying how ever do what is best for you and love your self!!!
2006-10-11 03:21:34 · answer #6 · answered by sarah b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buy yourself your favorite food to make for dinner (even buy a nice desert), go home and stuff all his and his son's crap into cardboard boxes and garbage bags, throw it all out on the front lawn, change the locks on your doors, tape a Dear John letter to the font and back doors, lock doors, make dinner and eat it in front of the TV, have the phone available just in case you need police assistance...(Oh, and djzlyrics' suggestion of an order of restraint is a good idea too.)....and have a nice life.
2006-10-11 02:20:12 · answer #7 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you deserve better! how can you expect anyone to respect you when youre not even respecting yourself... By putting up with his abuse youre giving him permission to treaat you like it!
you know its wrong! If you are staying with him because you love him then you should know that love isnt always enougth.Can you see yourself being happy with this guy, things wont change,they will only get worse, kick his violent **** out the door and start enjoying yourself, lifes too short. You will only end up regretting staying with him in the future, you are only prolonging the results. sorry but good luck xx
2006-10-11 02:36:56 · answer #8 · answered by Chloe B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What are you waiting for???? Get a restraining order against him. If it is your house, in your name by law you can have him escorted out. If it is both of your names cut your losses and RUN! Ususally verbal abuse ends in physical abuse. The next time he starts his tantrum call the police and have him escorted out, then immediately file a restraining order against him. Move on with your life. You have to have confidence in yourself, tell your self you deserve better than that because you truly do. Believe in yourself and do not listen to any negativity that comes out of his mouth. I wish you the best of luck and I will be praying for you.
2006-10-11 02:23:51 · answer #9 · answered by Torrie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get rid of him life is too short to be stuck with a man like him. I am leaving my husband for far less he is a lazy selfish arrogant man (sorry) I can imagine you have worked at this relationship you sound like the type of person who would. Get out now there is help out there good luck
2006-10-11 02:19:17 · answer #10 · answered by jules 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Verbal abuse is the same as physical abuse, as a matter of fact, verbal abuse can actually be more painful, and longer lasting....GET OUT NOW!!!! Before something really bad happens.
2006-10-11 02:15:40 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋