How do you know when to get out of a live in relationship?

Question

I've lived with my boyfriend for just over 2 years now and we've been together since the beginning of 2004, I am 21 and he's 24.

The thing is that he seems to have just plain gone off me. He says it's because i've become annoying and irritating and has given me a list of things to change about myself if I want the relationship to work. The thing is without the affection and communication I don't really see any reason/reward in trying.

I do realise living with someone is tough and I do realise (like everyone) I can be annoying but I can't get him to see that his anger and complete disregard for my feelings is also causing this. He says he can't give me any affection until i've done the things on the list.

Well that's my point really I've been with him for so long and we have so many (good) memories how do I know when to leave or even how? I know I deserve better but I want better from him and not from someone else.

This question isn't really about is my bf a prick but that if I want to leave how will I ever know?

Change and history is a horrible thing to combat against. Plus I'll be moving back home, and that's a huge step backward.

Answer 1

He is making all the rules and trying to control you completely. Is this fair? No. You have to do all the changing just to get him to treat you kindly. This is a lopsided relationship. Do you want to be a different person for him? I don;t think so. Be yourself and if he can't deal with it then the relationship is over. It takes two people to build a relationship and keep it heallthy not just one guy with all the demands. He wants everything and you get nothing. Move out and move on!

Answer 2

You know when your stomach starts to turn, and when he speaks you want to physically hurt him, and when you don't feel they way you'd expect someone you're in a relationship with to act! That's when, I go through the same thing day to day in my home with my fiancé and we have basically developed a love hate relationship! Don't let it get to this point the only difference is we have a daughter and I feel it is important for the both of us to raise her together! As for you you're still young and without children there is nothing left to do but leave. If he gave you a list and expected magic then he's the dictator type; you don't need that just leave I can already tell you now he will try to control, dictate, and manipulate him and after 2 years honey he's showing the real him the façade is over! He's got you right where he wants you, good luck you can get over him and make it on your own and I know the memories are sweet but what is the doing for you now, nothing but causing a mirror effect to what your relationship has now become! Unless, you two can compromise but I highly doubt it since I am sure he's set in his ways by now!

Answer 3

It take two to make a relationship work and if he see you all wrong then it a big problem.Because you can't be the whole problem.Try to do some of the things on the list and see how thing go.I am willing to bet you that he still not going to be happy with you because he need to work thing out without give you a list it should be a simple we will or i will or you do this not just you a lists.

Answer 4

Okay... Yes, there might be some things that you need to change about yourself in order for the relationship to work, but him throwing a list in your face and saying he can't be affectionate with you until you change is a huge slap in your face. Hmm... Sounds like he has some things he needs to work on as well. The problem is communication.

Look at it like this, what do you need to change? What does he need to change? Are you both still in love and WILLING to change? Both people need to be willing to COMMUNICATE as well, and he obviously is not.

How do you know when to leave? When you're not happy anymore, nothing is improving despite efforts, and you've fallen out of love- even if one person is still in love and the other isn't.

Answer 5

well all is left with you you don't have to be told that he doesn't love you any more, in the first place, fi he really love you for keeps, he would start working on himself, you will see the change in him and maybe feel guilty and change too. he's not the only man after all others have been married for xxxx years and could split, why not pick up whatever is left of you, polish it and start anew with someone else? this time around, do some thing decent for yourself, let whoever itt is, marry you and make you decent.

Answer 6

If he has lost all respect for you, then it is time to go. Leave with your head held up high, at least feel that you have tried. yes it is going to take a lot of time, but you at this age need to also have some peace in your like. You deserve it, don;t you? so the next friend you get, take your time, so you can get to know him.
If he does not regard your feelings, why are you their? Want more for yourself, Love yourself, so much, that you deserve the best!

Answer 7

the real reason you don't want to leave him is b/c you're comfortable with him and it is so hard to get to that point in a relationship. it sounds like he doesn't love you anymore. I suggest you tell him how you feel and that HE needs to change some things if he can't then move on.

Answer 8

Love is the answer to everything. All you ever need is love,
communication and understanding. That's what I figured out so
far. If you are down, you need to get up and start doing something with your life. Don't need to be shy, be straight forward and allways say what you want and expect from the others.

Answer 9

It sounds to me like he is very controling. You need to talk to him about your concerns and if he refuses to talk to you and change somethings about himself as well, then you have to move on.

Answer 10

if he is Sagittarius then leave if he isn't stick at it for a while longer