I think my BF of 8 months is addicted to porn. He has over 100 dvds and would rather watch those and please himself than have any kind of intimacy with me. Last night there was a big blow up and he threw out MOST of them. I noticed that he hid two in a drawer during his rage when he didn't know I was watching.
He is an alcoholic and is also impotent. Does it make a difference that he's impotent?
What is it about this stuff that guys cannot let go? Even though he has a good looking woman who loves him very much he can't seem to break the alcohol or porn habit?
2006-10-11 01:05:25 · 36 answers · asked by MCS 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He can't get an erection even when watching porn.
2006-10-11 01:14:35 · update #1
He's not violent towards me. Not physical. My prob with the porn is that he can do it every day but when it comes to me he only wants it once every two weeks if I'm lucky.
2006-10-11 01:17:41 · update #2
I've always gotten the best answers on here! Yahoo Answers rocks!
2006-10-11 01:27:25 · update #3
i believe he is medically & psychologcally ill. leaving him would worsen the situation....kindly assist him for humanitarian reasons... persuade &
convince him for medical consultation, medication and counselling*** impotence is serious thing for a man and this caused his depression ..
he needs you very badly...youll be saving one soul from being badly ruined...
god bless you...for being kind and selfless
2006-10-11 02:08:48 · answer #1 · answered by jadfritz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have quite a challenge on your hands if you truly love this guy. If not, you're better off finding another man.
By definition, if he is truly addicted, his actions are psychologically or physiologically compulsive. Basically, he can't stop without outside intervention, even when it causes him problems. The impotence may be a result of too much alcohol, masturbating to the porn too much or both. Another problem is that consuming too much porn can turn one into a pervert over time. It begins to take harder and harder images to get a porn addict excited enough to get an erection. That is in part because there is no fulfillment in masturbating to porn-only temporary physical relief, which can leave one feeling empty soon after the relief wears off. So the addict seeks more relief and it turns into a vicious cycle.
Although there is nothing you can do to make him change, you must be careful not to "enable" his addictions. Enabling is basically making it convenient for an addict to feed his/her addictions. Addicts seek help when they finally hit bottom. That is to say the problems caused by their addictions have finally become severe enough that they say enough is enough and seek help.
My suggestion is that if you truly love him and want to be with him, you leave him until he decides you are more valuable to him than the porn and the alcohol. He'll either get help overcoming his addictions, or his addictions will ultimately destroy his life.
You may consider Al-Anon meetings for insight from others with similar problems. Now would probably be a good time to seek religious council as well, if you have any faith at all.
2006-10-11 06:42:42 · answer #2 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay sweetie as far as the alcohol having a good looking person that loves you will not fix this it is a disease sounds to me like he is a little bit of an alcoholic, and this outrage that he went on over porn is a little scary hope he was not really violent during this procedure. As far as the porn goes.I mean is it that big of a deal.. I mean tell him how you feel he would rather look at the t.v than you and that it makes you feel bad.That is about all you can do .I think maybe he is so onto the Porn because he is impotent maybe he feels there is no point in sharing when he has nothing to share or something .It sounds to me like there is more to the porn thing than we know .GOOD LUCK
2006-10-11 01:13:51 · answer #3 · answered by thunder_rainclouds 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most of the men I knmow like porn, but not to the extent that your bf seems to. I think porn helps a guy feel like he is getting the variety that he doesn't have in real life. It is pure fantasy. I don't think the porn is necessarily the problem. The problem seems to be that he would rather watch them than have intamacy with a real person. If he is an alcoholic and doesn't want to be intimate on any level with you what do you see in him? If he is able to please himself he is not impotent. Most men who are impotent are not able to sustain an erection and therefore do not achieve a climax. His impotence may also be caused by the alcohol. Do yourself a favor and find a man who loves and desires you insteadof a magazine and a bottle. Let him have his booze and his fantasies. You deserve more than that.
2006-10-11 01:18:22 · answer #4 · answered by Stephani 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How to avoid porn addiction on the Internet
1. Consider installing porn content filtering software( Strongly Recommend NetDog ,you can get it from www.netdogsoft.com ) on your computer. it will help to protect you from stumbling into pornography by accident, That's important.
2. Do not try to guess what the address of a Web page is. Many pornographic sites have similar addresses of respectable sites. For example www . whitehouse . com is a porn site. The real address is www. whitehouse . gov
3. Never click on Web site addresses that you receive in an unsolicited email.
4. Do not open attachments that come in email that are unsolicited.
5. Use filtered search engines or reputable directories to find the information you need.
6. Do not search for terms like girls. Think before you enter a search term.
Stick with reputable sites.
If something looks questionable, don't let curiosity get the best of you. Delete it or close the window.
Internet Porn Filter Resource:
http://www.netdogsoft.com
2006-10-11 14:35:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, nothing against porn. my husband and I own many pornos and we enjoy them both together.
About the boyfriend, I think you should leave him. You can do much better than that. First off he is an alcoholic, he will never give that up and he might become abusive some day. And the impotent thing could make a HUGE difference if you want kids and a sex life. And it is sorta sad when he doesn't want you over the porn. i would leave him and find yourself a REAL man who will be with you and treat you the way you should be treated.
2006-10-11 01:11:33 · answer #6 · answered by Jessica 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I had this exact problem with my ex boyfriend. I actually gave him an ultimatum, the porn or me? And he actually chose the porn. For some reason, I still stayed in the relationship, but the porn still bothered me. It got to he point I was just picking fights with him, because I knew he still had it. And it wasn't just videos, it was mags too. It was a really frustraiting time in my life and I'm glad I've moved on. It's not worth the pain to stay. My suggestion to you is to get out and move on. I did and I met my husband only one month later. He's perfect (and doesn't watch porn, with out me). As for the ex, I left him with a bunch of smashed porns that I took a hammer to for all but one. I left it on the tv. It was a guy on guy porn. I thought he could use it.
2006-10-11 02:01:40 · answer #7 · answered by Aubrey's mommy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not impotent if the porn works for him. And a big drinker too? Thats probably his impotent problem itself. Does not sound like he has a alot to offer you, so why watse your time? Dont you deserve better and why should love be a one way ticket with just you paying the fare?
2006-10-11 01:10:48 · answer #8 · answered by gary t 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your last sentence contains the answer to all your questions. Even though he has you, he can't let go of the alcohol or the porn. This should make it crystal clear to you exactly where on his list of priorities you stand. Do you want to spend the rest of your life playing second fiddle to a bottle and movies without a plot? Get out and move on with your life.
2006-10-11 01:10:03 · answer #9 · answered by Liz 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that he is nervous about the fact that he is impotent maybe the fact that he has that problem makes him drink...sit him down and explain how you feel , exactly how you feel. Let him know how much you love him and that it doesn't bother you, there are many things he can do to help his problems. but he has to want the help. If he refuses to change, leave him. These are serious issues that really bother you and if he cares he'll give it up for you. Good luck
2006-10-11 01:35:46 · answer #10 · answered by slightlyjayded 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem is his impotence, the porn is a by product and the alcohol could be a coping mechanism.... He needs help with his impotence problem, go to your gp.... and if he wants to stop drinking, he should contact AA. You could contact Al-Anon.
2006-10-11 01:28:31 · answer #11 · answered by Bodieann 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋