Sincere answers only please?

Question

I'm looking for some insight into this new situation. My fiance' and his twin are both recovering alcoholics. Recently the brother joined a band where they drink and smoke pot. My fiance' was very concerned and didn't think it was a good move for his brother to be making. Yesterday I found out that my fiance' is planning on going to a bar tomorrow night to hear his brother play and that he is considering joining the band. I am totally against this, but my fiance' doesn't seem to care about my feelings. Am I being selfish to not want him to go? What would you do in my position if he goes anyway?

Answer 1

Their is not too much that you can do, about stopping him for going to, or joining the band. You can keep your cool and go to the performance. And check out the band for yourself, and you can say to your fiance, I just hope that you do not fall back into your old ways, because I do not know if I can go through, the stress of it all again!
No I do not think that you are being selfish, just concerned about someone that you care about!

Answer 2

No, you aren't being selfish, you are being sensible, recovering alcoholics take things one day at a time and consistently being tempted is a huge chance to take. I don't understand why you can't go with him tomorrow to hear his brothers band. That would be OK since one night isn't forever, but joining, that's another deal altogether. If your fiance doesn't care about your feelings now then you ought to ask yourself if you should think twice about wanting to marry him. I'm not saying break up, but a marriage should be planned to last for a long time and you may be in for a long unhappy time if he is already disregarding your concerns in an area where he has a proven problem. All you have to do is read Yahoo to see how much misery Drunks and Druggies provide for their girlfriends/wives. You don't want to be one of them.

Answer 3

Sometimes when someone has been in recovery a long time...they will purposely put themselves in this type situation as a way to test themselves. For example...I have a friend who has been sober several years...he now owns/operates a bar, but does NOT drink anything stronger than Pepsi. He said the testing makes him stronger. The fact that he invited you to go suggests he feels there is nothing to hide from you. If you see that he's falling back into old habits, then you may need to re-evaluate your relationship, because whether he joins the band or not...there will always be temptations out there, and you can't freak out every time a beer truck drives by

Answer 4

I can understand your concerns, but I think you should give him a chance. Just because someone is in a bar doesn't mean they are going to drink. He may want to join the band to help his twin. On the other hand if he starts drinking again you have to put your foot down. Explain why you are worried about him going. i don't think going to listen to his brother is going to be a problem. Joining the band is different. You have to remember that it was important enough to him to quit drinking in the first place and he probably doesnt' want to go back to it. He still has to live his life and that means that at times he will be in places where alcohol is being served. Give himj the chance to prove himself before you get upset about it. If he goies back to his old ways then it is ultimatum time. Either you or alcohol. The choice should be an easy one. Good Luck

Answer 5

Your boyfriend has to face his demons sooner or later.I understand that his brother has fallen of the waggon,but this doesn't mean that your boyfriend will.I don't blame you for having some concerns about your boyfriend wanting to go to a bar,play in a band and then most of the band members having drinks afterwards.,but you have to be able to give him the benefit of the doubt.Talk to him about it,let him know how all this is making you feel.If he does start drinking again,will you stay with him?If not,you need to tell him,that,if he does have a drink,where you stand on the subject,so at least he knows the outcome for the actions he may or may not choose to do.Why don't you go to the bar with him for a little extra support,if it's possible.,and show him how you both can have a wonderful time together in a bar without alcohol.I really do hope it all works out for you.

Answer 6

Go with him! He may be looking for your support. Alcoholism is tough to beat. Try to remind him about his feelings when his brother joined the band. When you go to the bar with him just order club soda or coke there is nothing that says you have to have a beer or a cocktail to enjoy the music. regarding joining the band does he have a full time job? Will this interfere with that? There are many things to adjust to once you are married but if he is unwilling to compromise now it could get worse once you are married, this is something you need to think about and trust you heart.

Support him, love him, & trust him, but remember that you also have to be happy and not be at home worrying about what he is doing when and if he joined the band. Good luck

Answer 7

First,please accept my heartfelt and sincere greetings to you!I'm glad you raise this question for it's really not easy to handle situations like this.I can feel that..But anyway,there's no concerns that can't be resolved as long as both parties would cooperate.I believe you have to talk things out with him.Tell him that you just love him that much and you don't want things to become more complicated for that matter.Mention to him that you don't want them both to be indulged again with their previous vice(alcoholic)...But if he would still insist,please tell him that you would definitely feel sad about the whole thing.Nevertheless,just give him the freedom to be himself if that's what He wants.Just apply a reverse psychology.Who knows he would then realize that he need not to pursue or consider it on the latter part.Just be honest with him on what you feel,after all he needs to be respected.Just pray for him.,pray that God would change his heart and that he would not continue to join the band.Always remember,God works in mysterious ways.And the prayer of a righteous person counts a lot.More blessings.

Answer 8

You can't stop him from going to his brother's concert, and you can't stop him from joining the band. What you can do however, it make it crystal clear to him that if he so much as thinks about going back to his old alcoholic ways again, you won't be around to watch.

Answer 9

just because he's going to be around it doesn't mean he's going to start drinking and smoking.. :)

if he's concerned about his brother doing that type of thing i'm sure hes not going to get invovled..


even still what is a few beers and a joint or two :)

Answer 10

Confront him.Tell him plane and simple. If he goes in to drugs the relationship is finished. In any case you can not think of living with a junkie. If he does not relent be firm and move on.