I & my husband get into frequent fights because of my inlaws,could u please help me to avoid fights.?

Question

It is just that, mother in law is very dominating and she does not let me do anything in my way, including deciding the food that has to be prepared.And my husband is very respectful to his parents and he will not back-answer and will always tell me to compromise.

Answer 1

NO YOU TREAT YOUR MOTHER IN LAW LIKE YOUR MOTHER AND ACCEPT THEIR ADVISE FOR DAY TO DAY LIFE IF THE ADVISE ARE GOOD. IF YOU FEEL THAT THEY ARE TELLING SOMETHING WRONG THEN ALSO LISTEN THEM AND GIVE YOUR ADVISE THROUGH YOUR HUSBAND ALSO CONVINCE YOU HUSBAND THAT WHAT IS WRONG IN THEIR ADVISE. HE WILL HELP YOU DEFINITELY.

Answer 2

You married your husband not your inlaws. If your husband has respect for his parents he should also have respect for you as well. They have already had their days with him, his mother might have once been the main woman in his life. But his mother needs to realize that she is not the main woman in his life any more, you are. She needs to understand that he is a man now and he has a wife that is able to provide for him in the things that she had did once. I know that it is hard to let your children go. But parents need to look at this in prospective. If her child showed her respect when he was younger and is still showing her respect to day now that he is older., then she should be returning that respect not only to him, but also to the woman that he loves and has as his wife as well. (YOU)! And your husband should be showing & giving you complete love & respect also. That is your home it is not hers. You are the one who makes the dissions not her. It is not a problem for her to give you her opinion but it is up to you if you are going to take it or not. Does she live with the two of you? If she does then you & your husband should have a long talk with her and let her know that she is only a border now. And that this is your home and you will do and want what you see fit in it. And if she does not like it then she can leave. But if she doesn't live with you then you should just tell her that if she can not respect your ways then it is best to just keep her opinions to her self and stop judging you.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

it is no compromise if you always have to change your husband needs to get this compromise is when both sides change to the middle. You wont avoid fights as long as mother in law can affect your daily lives. God didnt make marriage to be an extension of the family unit for the mail but a separate unit to build a family within


Good Luck and God Bless!!

Answer 4

By your description I assume that your husband loves and respects you too. I suggest that you should not get into any kind of arguments with your husband and nor with your in-laws.

For e.g. start appreciating the food prepared by your in-law and tell her that it was a delicious food. Do it for few days and if required for few weeks. I also assume that you have a good relationship with your in-laws else try to build a good relation with your in-laws during this time. Once you get an hint that your in-laws will isten to you tell your mother-in-law that you came across this good and delicious food on TV or in your friend's house and that you would like them to taste that food. If they say, then you got them in your trap. Put all your skills and make an wonderful dish and impress them as Stomach is the way to everybody's heart.

I think once you find your way to their heart they and your husband will start respecting your views too.

Answer 5

Just for once try doing things your mother-in-law ways,see if it works out.After some times she will realise,there is no point in fighting with your husband for that is not what you want,every one want to have peace and happiness,please your mother -in-law it will be difficult in the beggening but later it will work--after all she is your husbands mother---little bit of patience understanding and goodwill will make you a winner and your husband will respect you more.

Answer 6

Too many cooks in the kitchen, my dear, to quote an old saying.....

Try speaking to family members with respect. Respond to what they say to you. Do not react. Take a breath, think about what you want to say, and say it calmly and respectfully. Without reacting. This teaches people respect. When she starts to dominate, then you can say,"Mother in Law, I don't talk to you that way....Why would you speak to me like that?" And she will have to think about it.

See if you can evaluate how much of her attitude is personality and how much is just old school. Don't take how she treats you personally. Obviously, she would like to teach you (tradition, cooking, whatever).

So, head trouble off at the pass. When it is time to make dinner, get everything out and then ask her how she would prepare this meal. Maybe her only link to a relationship with you is through instruction. If you take teaching away from her then she just doesn't know how to relate. So ask her for instruction with things you know she likes to teach you, even if you already know this. It appears to be the only way she has of establishing a relationship with you. It is her weird way of accepting you.

You are not going to be able to put your relationship with Mother in Law on your husband. It's just not how he was raised. So do the things that will gain you two your independence, treat the folks kindly, and kiss them and thank them when it is time to go. Leave the old woman with some good memories. It can be your gift to her. Good luck and God bless you all.

Answer 7

It is obvious it is an "arranged" marriage in your case. Have a calm mind and answer the following question yourself and analyse your own truthful answer. Then decide.

" This is an arranged marriage. If I had known BEFORE HAND, that this man`s parents are dominatimg and that this man would be listening to their words only , would I have married him? "
If the answer is "yes" then you have to put up with it and slowly solve the situation , winning your mother in law in your favour.

If the answer is "NO" then you have to evaluate the pros and cons of precipitating any crisis. . By now , you should know whether he likes you or not. then , whether he likes you less than his parents and finally whether , in his nicer moments he is able to share his inner feelings with you.

Only when all these are answered you can take any steps further

Answer 8

This is very common. Earlier when I used to cook food for my husband he used to always compare that with his mothers. So I gave up and instead starting helping her with her cooking without questioning. I gave her the lead and only helped her. Fortunately for me my mother in law is the kind who wont tell you anything even if it is wrong. So there I am saved.

But the trick is making her realise that she is the queen of the household. When you are newly married always follow what she is telling you to, even if it mean lowering your ego for her sake. I will tell you why, all fights in the household start from the kitchen.

Let her dominate today and side-step your role till one day she frustratedly asks you to take over. Because one day even she will want to be relieved of serving her household.

About your husband better leave such fellas alone, because they love their wives only if they are devoted to their in-laws! Ignore them the equation changes after you have kids or a few years after marriage.

Answer 9

You have to come to some sort of compromise. Yes your husband was raised by them and has been taught not to back talk his parents. But your husband is not 8 yrs old anymore and he needs to tell his parents that he is an adult now and in charge of his own life and you need to stand up to them and tell them that you both are grown ppl and will do things your way . If they dont understand that then it might be a good suggestion that you two dont see them for awhile and then they might come around to understanding that you are doing what you think is best for the both of you.

Answer 10

You need to know certain facts:
1 Almost all the couples fight over one thing or the other - It is universal & natural that way. So, no surprises here.
2 Your 'in-laws' are the parents of your spouse. He shall respect/love them irrespective of what they are (to you).
3 As long as your spouse is attached to them, you do not have any options (Please do not take it as a hint to try to detach them).
4 Fight or arguements lead to further complications. So, better do not react to this.

SOLUTION: Ignore, expect no miracles, relax & do not argue. Try to understand that parents are after all parents. And by the way what is more important to you? Your hubby or the mother-in-law? Be wise and concentrate upon your hubby.

Answer 11

You need to ask your husband to stand up to her for you. If you do it, it will further debilitate the relationship. I had to do this to get my family off our backs. They were too into controlling what we did, etc. Early on, seeing that my wife was irritated/hurt by this, I confronted them and now everyone is on the same level.

It is difficult for parents to put their children on the same level as themselves when the children reach a mature age. It's hard to let go of the puppet strings even after they've been out of the house for years.

Good Luck!! =-]