how do I support my teenage son?

Question

want to support him through his adolescense and help him control his energy and sexuality without alienating him?

Answer 1

Well, the question is a bit broad, but the best support you can provide is love and guidance.

Make sure he knows you love him and are interested in his life. That doesn't mean prying into every detail, but it does mean asking questions. Make your home the place that he and his friends want to hang out. Make an effort to know his friends, to meet his teachers, and the participate in the things he does (such as sports or extracurricular activities).

To balance all this, remember that you are the parent, not his buddy. Teen boys make stupid choices sometimes (come to think of it, adult males do the same...) so you will have to be the one that establishes limits, and sticks to them. Don't try to be the "cool parent", just be the parent.

And above all, keep the lines of communications open. Teens are great - don't dread these years, savor them, they will pass VERY quickly.

Answer 2

Well, Dad, it's called communication.

When you speak to this young man, speak to him with respect. Respond to what he has to say, do not react. Breathe, think of what you want to say, and say it calmly and respectfully. Respond. Don't react. This teaches respect.

The whole world is open to him now, and he needs to know you respect the man he is to become and support his efforts to get there.

Have conversation about responsible decision making. Explain to him that trust and respect go hand in hand and that these two qualities come from the knowledge that a person can make a responsible decision. You can say, "I knew I messed up when I..........." if you want to share.

Explain to him that no parent wants to see his child get hurt, especially if he is the person hurting himself.

When my daughter learned to drive I started asking Her when she was coming home. She would tell me, and she would come home when she said. The hazard here is that she was not sneaking, so at 1:30 am, she and Amanda, and Jenny and Noah all hit my house like a herd of bulls, giggling and tromping through. But she was home, (and I knew it.)

I also offered to buy her whatever alcoholic drink when she started talking about her friends drinking. Amazingly, she did not guzzle the stuff. She wanted wine coolers. And sometimes, they'd just sit there. The rule was that she could not drink outside the home, nor could she share with anyone underage. It worked. I jokingly told her I couldn't wait until she puked. She never did.

I taught her to drive. I helped her buy her car, and research the cost of insurance, maintenence, and gas. I recommended that she find her first job (a year before the car) and stick with it, because her next employer was going to look for longevity with a first job.

Kate is 19 now, I had the great privilige of kissing my daughter good-bye, and waving as she drove off to another state to college. She works two jobs, goes to school and lives with my parents now. She calls to the point of distraction. This was the goal I aimed for throughout her adolescence. I always looked to the young woman she would become.

In the end, it was priceless.

Answer 3

Hun,first i must give you major props for wanting to support your son and know how you can help him.Many parents dont even know,so they dont bother to ask.I must say there isnt much you can do except educate him and be there for him.Educate him about his body,and the changes it will be going through.Also,help him make wise choices.You can do that by simply educating him and making him aware of the issues that arise as a teen.The pressures,risks,and consequences of activities such as sexual intercourse,drugs,and drinking.If he is educated about the risks,and consequences accurately he will make wise decisions reguarding the issue.Do not make it worse than it is,but do not sugar coat it.Allow him to guide you in the education on this topics.Allow him to ask you questions,instead of you forcing the information.Once he asks questions and realise you arent going to judge him or make him feel completely wrong for asking he will continue to come to you for information.Honestly,i am sure as well as any other parent that you would rather your son come to you to get accurate information rather than getting wrong information from his peers.Once the door of communication is open,it is open for good.He will soon realise he can come to you for answers without judgement being passed on him.Simply allow him to know you are there for him,and explain things,but dont go overboard,and allow him to guide you through the whole process.Good luck and major props!

Answer 4

the best way you can support your son is to just be there for him when he needs you as he won't want you all over him like a rash he'll need his space to discover things for himself. As long as he knows the birds and the bees and that your there for him if he wants to talk about anything then fine but you can't liive his life for him some stuff he'll discover alone as you can't control him as that would alienate you from eachother and he would go to others for support then you.

Answer 5

Take it from a teenager:
Don't interfere with his life, but don't let him get out of hand. Just impose some restrictions that are not too strict (ie.: Home by 11:00 when on dates). Also, try to find out what he is doing in life when you are not with him. He may not show it, but he will appreciate it!

Answer 6

there are no answers to this question if eveyone was the same these questions would never arrise.. you just have to hope and pray he makes the right choices throughout life.. there's good and bad in everyone it's what makes the world go by the way it is..everyone will search the world for what they think they want because they never stop wanting more..

Answer 7

Educate him on all the FAQ's. The more he knows, the more of a responsible choice he will make. Talk to him about it and if you will be uncomfortable doing so, get a male figure to maybe help you out.

Answer 8

Yes, I agree, consistency and firmness are important, but I'm not so sure about the contract - I guess he might just break it if he feels so inclined.
Try going on a course or workshop together:
http://www.just4parents.co.uk/
(click on the courses - weekends for fathers and sons
Or see if this appeals to him:
http://extranet.lightenna.com/quest/
Or if you yourself feel in need of more masculine firmness to help you show him how to be a man:
http://www.mkp.org
http://www.head-heart-and-balls.com
http://www.my-penis.org
Good luck!

Answer 9

first of all you want him to know personally that you are there for him no matter what....no matter what... second let him know how much you love him, but in return you really need to express your values on the situation and tell him that you are not trying to push him away by sharing your thoughts about your concerns, no matter what you really need to get him protection because no matter how much we talk our kids are going to make their own choices and their own mistakes but make sure you let him know how you feel but you also want him to have protection which ever way he decides..good luck, there is so much peer pressure today its hard for kids to listen to their parents they usually listen to their friends...

Answer 10

Just make sure he is well educated and knows all the ramifications of his actions. Make a contract with him. Be firm and unwavering