How to break this relationship?

Question

I was living with my wife for last 10 years and all those 10 years were miserable. I always felt cheated & was always being tortured. 2 years back I went into a relationship with another woman who is also married. From my side this was only a for physical need. But from her side i felt it was a combination of physical as well as social security as her husband used to abuse her & finally left her.
A month back I also left my wife & got seperated because of the old issues. This seperation was no where connected with my new relationship. Now when I am away from my wife and have sufficient time to go to the another woman & she also keeps on inviting me to spend the nights with her, I don`t feel like going there. Although I always told this new woman that we would never marry, still she hopes that it can happen.
I need a pause for some time & she is not ready. Now I feel that I should break this new relationship for some time may be a year and think about myself while living single. how?

Answer 1

The issues in your relationship may be about emotional distance, lack of passion, sexual problems, constant fighting, emotional abuse and being used financially. It can be devastating when a relationship falls prey to temptation, it is unfortunate the way things have gone, though going through the past I find that U are not to blame as much as your spouse but still ???? Every stage in life is a learning experience.

Without knowing, you have created a cycle of conflict, a cycle of resisting, attacking and withdrawing. This cycle of conflict has also entered into your new relationship and produces tremendous suffering, as the guilt of abondoning your daughter continues to haunt you. If you want to heal your relationship and end the conflict, you need to end this cycle. Fortunately, all it takes is one person.

The cycle of conflict is like a tennis volley. Two people are needed to keep the cycle going. Only one is needed to end it. When one person stops playing the game, the cycle is over. You stop playing the game when you give acceptance and appreciation instead of being critical and resentful. You automaticaly make the shift from criticalness to acceptance when you let go of your resistance. You can do this by taking the following steps:


1. Find and heal the hurt that has been reactivated by the other person - Ultimately, the reason you are non-accepting is because the other person has triggered a suppressed hurt in you. As you heal this hurt, the need to resist disappears. You can then interact in a way that creates love instead of destroying it.

2. Give the person full permission to be the way he or she is -
Notice that the other person is the way she is whether you like it or not. Your feelings are totally irrelevant. Hating the way someone is doesn't change a thing. That person is still exactly the way she is. When you fight the truth of how someone is, you fuel the cycle of conflict and you lose your ability to see what needs to be done. When you are at peace with the way someone is, you see your situation clearly. You can see what needs to be done and you can do it in a way that is supportive.


3. Forgive the person - When you resent someone, a big part of you closes down. You become bitter and lose your ability to be a stable person and tend to start interacting in a way that automatically creates opposition and resistance against yourself. Forgiveness is not for the other person, forgiveness is for you.

4. Let your wife go - When you hang on to someone or soe memories, you push the person away. The person feels suffocated and has to fight for breathing room. Just look at how you feel when someone hangs on to you. To have any relationship work, you have to be willing to lose the person.

5. Accept full 100% responsibility for the loss of love - relationships are not 50/50. They are 100/100. Each person is 100% responsible for the presence or absence of love in a relationship. Once you see your 100% responsibility for the loss of love, you can no longer blame the other person. You also become more effective in all your future relationships and at ease with yourself.

6. See that you are just like the other person - Any characteristic that you can't stand in another person is an aspect of you that you can't stand in yourself. Once you discover that this characteristic is also in you, your resistance towards the other person gets replaced with compassion. You also become more at peace with yourself.

7. Get with the person and clean up your relationship - Once you let go of your resistance towards someone, the next step is to get with the person and clean up your relationship. Tell the person that you've had some major self-discoveries and that now you're interacting in a new way.

Take full responsibility for what happened and ask the person to please forgive you. If you have been hanging on, give the person freedom to leave. Say whatever you need to say to clean up your relationship. Then follow your statement up with action. Make sure the other person always feels loved, accepted and appreciated.

Every time you interact with someone, you will either create love or destroy love, and whatever you give will come right back. So put the focus on ending the conflict and restoring the love, not necessarily as husband and wife, but as one human being to another. As you do this, you will heal both your relationship and your hurt. You will also create a life that is a lot more enjoyable for you and pave the way for seeing your daughter in future instead of being the culprit who deserted the mother (thats what ur daughter will be told).

To make the process of letting go a little easier, there are two very important steps that you can take.

The first step is trusting. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be okay. Now this doesn't mean that life will turn out the way that you want it to. Life often doesn't. Trust is knowing that however life turns out, you will be fine. When you know that you will be fine, letting go becomes relatively easy. As you let go, you restore your effectiveness and life works out great. This then reinforces the trust. When you don't trust, life becomes very difficult. You fight, resist and hang on. You then make everything worse, which reinforces "don't trust." Trust is also telling the truth. You really will be fine no matter what happens. Life is only threatening when you resist. So stop resisting and trust. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be fine.

The second and most important step in the process of letting go is to be willing to feel your hurt. This is important because it's the automatic avoidance of this hurt that forces us to resist.

We think that we're resisting our circumstances but we're not. We are resisting all the feelings and emotion that are being reactivated by our circumstances. More accurately, we are resisting a very specific hurt from the past. We are resisting the hurt of feeling not good enough, worthless, not worth loving, or some other form of feeling not okay. Once you find and heal this hurt, the need to resist or hang on disappears. You can then let go and take the action you need to effectively handle your situation.

I do hope this will help you out.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

You need to face what has been going wrong & discuss it between you. Honesty, trust respect, these are the foundations of a good relationship. Will that avoid a breakdown in your relationship? I don't know, but it is the first step to repairing it. With more insight offered you'll get more in depth & focused answers, this si the best advice for you in genral terms.

Answer 4

You are in absolute mess. You have not clarified what you mean by 'torture', 'miserable' & 'cheted' in the relationship with the first wife. Still you fall for 'physical need' and get entangled with another woman even before separation.

It gives an impression that you are cheating on two women as such. You left the first one and you want to leave the second as well. LOOKING FOR THE THIRD, NOW?

Take care.

Answer 5

You should be honest with her and let her know that you need some "me" time. If she truly cares about you, she will kick back and wait for you to sort things out. It isn't easy leaving a ten year relationship no matter what the circumstances are. You DO need time to figure out what YOU want and need. Take care and good luck!

Answer 6

Well be fair to her and tell her you are not the one for her as you do not have the same feelings as she does and you do not want to go into a relationship on the rebound, take time out and move on, you will then know how you feel about the second woman. believe me you know when it is love.

Answer 7

for a starters you need to tell her how it is say you came strait out of one relation ship into another and your just not ready tell her that you cant be with her any more and she is going to ask questions like why not and just tell her you feel a if you were on the rebound or something and you dont want to lead her on so she mit aswell find her self some body who can love her and treat her the way she wants to be treated make sure you leave on good terms though you need to get it sorted out properly and if you dont want to be with her then make sure you dont end up back with her at the end of the discusion try maybe having it at her place so that she cant just get up and leave half way through the discusion dont raise your voice at her because its not her wanting to leave its you so remember she has all rights to get angry or upset and NO goodbye sex because she will see it as more and the hole disscusion would have been a complete waste of time !!!!

Answer 8

may be neither you nor this woman can handle marriage as a relationship ... so why don't you two get married to break the relationship !

Answer 9

U have really been very selfish and self centered. Why becos of ur physical needs u gave d other woman false hopes. Women get emotionally attached but u guys just play with their lives and want to leave them when ever u feel like. Shameful. Now u r fed up with this new relation also, can u say why? Why u spoiled d other womans life?Since u left ur wife and she left her husband, why dont u get married to her ?

Answer 10

i am not trying to scold anybody down here . um , but then do you think that you are correct ? going out with this woman when you are still married ? you may not love your wife anymore , but then , you are attached ! give yourself some respect and give your wife that respect . you wanted that another woman physically onii , i bet you dont love her at all . and maybe . she dont too .. maybe you are just his backup for her abusive husband , or maybe just like you , you are just her toy . she is also doing the same thing to you . she also needs you physically . you understand me ? get out of this mess before it's too late !