I gave up everything to be with this guy because he was so well to do. I gave up section 8 housing and all of the financial assistance that I was on for years. I thought this was it. I moved in with him.
Well, it wasn't. Now I am looking at being on the street with a 16 month old.
He said that I could stay untill I get on my feet, but he keeps sending me mixed messages. One day he doesn't want me to ever leave and the next he asks me how the home searching project is going.
The emotional stress is dampering my ability to REALLY get this ball rolling.
I have been successfull all of my life until this moment. This man is messing with my self confidence and security, my very being is cut to the core. Will I make it through this?
Also, I used to feel VERY attractive. Now, I don't know why anyone ever looks at me?
2006-10-10 21:43:29 · 14 answers · asked by Ohmyheaven 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well, he IS SO good with the children, but he isn't sooo good with me.
Also, I have started to get it together. I will have a job and child care assistance by next week.
Did you know that child care is $195.00 a week?
2006-10-10 21:50:09 · update #1
I do not chose to live off of state help. This is an issue for me. I am proud. I just applied for a Accounts Payable Coordinator and I have a very impressive resume.
This baby is not his, but he has been such a help to me.
He is emotionally abusive because he can not make up his mind. It is either on, or it is either off.
I cut him off se_ually 4 weeks ago, but this puts me in a bad position. I don't really want to be out on the street!
2006-10-10 21:59:21 · update #2
MAY I ADD? That I appreciate your answers sooo much! Thank you.
I am just worried that it IS taking so long to get my independence back.
My sister committed suicide 09/24/03 over the same type of thing. She was 3 months from getting her medical degree!
I think that people should realize the damage that they are doing by playing games like that in a realtionship!
2006-10-10 22:13:51 · update #3
Leave him, he's the looser. Get your life back for yourself and baby. You had a good life on your own before, for sure you can have better now after all the good and bad experiences you had in your professional and love life.You once gave up yourself for him because you wanted him. It's not his money the reason why you gave up your career. It's the thought that maybe he will be a a good provider for you and you loved him.
But it seems he failed to take care of you, so leave him for your own sake and prove to him you can be better or much better alone than being with him.
He will run after you for sure since he is good with kids.
2006-10-10 22:12:25 · answer #1 · answered by Roszi Love 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Girl you are a Queen!!!! Never let a man no matter the situation make you feel as if you are not. Dont let him get you down. You do what you got to do. Get on your feet and show him that you so do not need him. You can do it and dont let him make you feel as if you are not worth your weight in gold!!!! You are. Now you get your thoughts together and you take care of that baby. I know how you feel and I am sure you are very attractive. Just listen to what he says or at least pretend shhhhhhhhhhhhh I wont tell no-one. Everything will come together if you just set your mind to it. Now look yourself in the mirror and say "I am a queen and i deserve better and I am gonna make it happen" It'll all work out .
2006-10-10 21:54:52 · answer #2 · answered by minna 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweetheart, this man is doing you a favour by telling you to leave, he is no good for you, you have to leave him, you are way too good for him, you are beautiful and very clever and you have a beautiful 16 month old baby, what more could a girl ask for, you don't need him, there is more than money to life, you could get help from the state until you get on your feet, and as you have a young baby I am sure you will get help with some sort of accommodation, go to you local social security centre for the help you need to get away from this man, then you can start looking for a job and make something of yourself. Good Luck with it all.
2006-10-10 21:52:38 · answer #3 · answered by hotbabes_tracey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to find assistance from your local Unemployment agency.
You'd be surprised how much they can help as far as you getting an education and a job.
Don't stay with that creep. Slap your self and wake up to the reality that you are on your own. Take advantage of the things that may be available to you. Ask the agent on how to get back on your feet. If you believe in Christ, you may ask a Church to give you guidance or shelter. Under your circumstances, you may have to suck it up and humble yourself in order to get your life back.
Believe in a higher power other then your self pity. It works. It just depends on how much you want it. Regain your life and make it your own. Set an example for your child. That you can rise from the darkness. Your child will admire you if you take the right route. Also, even though we all have felt better in our lives, and maybe felt attractive in our lives, the important thing is to take care of yourself and you child right now.
Be pretty again after you take control of your responsibilities.
No one wants to look at some one that doesn't have control of their life. Sorry.
When you make it, Mom, job, home... Then go back to your American Beauty, when you can afford it. Don't let your child suffer because you feel insecure.
2006-10-10 22:29:25 · answer #4 · answered by meowzer mix 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to walk out of this now. Go find a job. Find the best one that you are qualified to do no matter what it is do it!! This will boost your self esteem. You may still need a little help but when you help yourself you will feel better about yourself. You need no one to keep you up. Learn to use your own head and stay away from guys that only want sex. That is all this guy wanted. Now' he is tired of you and wants you to go. Don't ever let another man back you in this type of corner again. You don't need any one' All you need is your baby and you. Do what is right for that baby and you and you will succeed in your life and feel better about yourself.
2006-10-10 21:59:04 · answer #5 · answered by Sarcastic Sid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never get the real you back until you get out of there!
He has clearly decided that is the end of the road for you so as hard as it is you need to think about you and your child and start to build a new happy life!
This will seem like a challenge of a lifetime but when you do look back you will feel more proud, beautiful and confident then ever....
There are always people there to help you so NEVER think you are alone!
2006-10-10 21:52:24 · answer #6 · answered by Updowndizzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun, your self-esteem is on the floor!
It's not the end of the world!
Move on...think about the baby, and don't let anyone do this to you. If he is confused, that's not your problem.
You need to find an alternative place and a back-up plan.
I will not nag you about the well to do bit as you are already going through hell. Next time give up everything for a guy who is worth it!
Your baby needs you, dont break down, you will be able to move on if you are strong.
All the best to you!
2006-10-10 21:50:47 · answer #7 · answered by docecil 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you were successful but you were living off benefits and then from the way you word it, moved in with a man just for his money. How about making a fresh start and actually becoming successful? I mean get a job or start a business, do something with your life. You need be firm with yourself, get housing sorted out and get child care sorted somehow. If you really try, you can do it. Then get yourself a job. Working will give you a greater sense of self worth than living off handouts.
2006-10-10 21:47:54 · answer #8 · answered by claire 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice is leave!! I myself was in a loveless relationship for many years.The only reason i stayed was because of my son and the financial side of things.I didnt think i could cope on my own emotionally nd finacially. But staying with him did nothing for my self esteem.I did not want to except government help but in the long run my sanity nd my son were more important.U need to get urself together nd get out nd away from him.Except any help u can get nd once ur settled u can get a job nd sort ur life out.
U need to put urself nd ur child first. Do Not be too proud to except help!!
2006-10-10 22:19:13 · answer #9 · answered by kristy p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to hook up with me! I don't know about that really, but I have been there, except with a woman instead of a man. My heart goes out to you girl, because I have lived with the same situation (for years now) that you are in right now. What you need to do, is the same thing I'm doing right now. I'm saving every cent I can lay my hands on, (that she doesn't know about), and I'm going to leave her as soon as I have a lawyer to cover my interest in the property thing. You have got to make some decisions in your life, and start looking out for yourself. You can't keep telling yourself that it will get better, because it will only continue to get worse as time goes by. I know all about the self esteem thing, because I don't have any either!! I wanted to do something about it for years, but I have finally told myself, if I don't start the ball rolling now, what kind of a mess will I be in tomorrow? He is cheating on you with someone else, and it is going to take you getting a belly full of the sh*t before you finally get mad enough to throw his sh*t out of the house and take a restraining order on him to keep him away, until you can manage to do something about it. You don't have to take this, and yes you can make him move out! You just don't know that you don't have to take it anymore. You do need some proof that he is cheating on you though. He can only make you leave IF you let him get away with it. It will take getting a good attorney, and acting like everything is cool until you have him where you want him; "Under Your Control". Your self esteem will come back amazingly fast, once you get the ball rolling. I'm a songwriter, and I wrote a song about this situation, the name of it is "After the Hurt, Comes the Anger". That ring any bells? You and I both will someday find someone who really loves us, and treats us like human beings, but we must do something about it, before it takes over our lives completely. We didn't think anyone could be so cruel, did we? Hang in there, and take back your sanity. Get mad, and do what has to be done. You will feel like a big weight has been lifted off your chest when you do. I hope I have been some help to you. Good Luck!!
2006-10-10 22:16:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋