my boyfriend doesn't do n e thing around the house?

Question

we both work, yet im left 2 do all the house work, and look after my daughter, after a day at work i come home 2 clean, (we r all untidy) yet he comes home to play on his psp or crosser, ive wrote lists of jobs 4 each of us 2 do but he just ignores them, wot can i do??

Answer 1

Dump him.

Answer 2

Stop doing his laundry and cook for you and the children and have it all cleaned up before he comes home. Tell him oh we've already eaten. Nagging and list making are not going to work... If you are both very busy with jobs ask him to pay for half the fee of a house cleaning service.

My husband use to leave his dirty socks and underwear on the floor, I put a laundry basket but still just let them fall, so I started kicking them under the bed.

Soon the room smelled and he complained he had no clean socks and underwear. I told him all the laundry from the basket has been washed... After finding the cause of the odor in our room he got the message and I never had to nag or complain..

Your guy needs a mom not a wife or girlfriend. If you have sons and daughters as you raise them make sure the chores are not gender assigned. Boys can do dishes and dust. And girls can carry trash and help with yard work.

Talk to him about you working only part time, so you can spend more time being a housewife and mother.....

You are not alone, this is an age old problem... One of the downfalls of womens lib.....

Answer 3

Let him know you are not his slave and your are not living in his pig sty. Make sure you can give a consequence that you can enforce. For example "If he refuses to clean up, then he can clear out". OK, that is bad advice, but it sounds nice and vengeful.

The psychological approach would be to tell him that "you feel" that his behavior is disrespectful to you and that hurts you very deeply. Talk things out. It never works well when someone inflicts a list of demands on you, however sweetly the job list is presented (especially when you feel guilty about not having cleaned them up before the list was created). If he doesn't give a darn about how you feel or your relationship, then look for a new place to live. When you're ready to move, then drop the news on him (he won't like paying for all the rent money by himself). You don't want him to get the upper hand and leave you stuck paying all that rent when you have a child to look after.

Normally, I say "pray first". It helps to have God's guidance (he has better than a birds-eye view over the whole situation). Also you could both use some protection from the enemy's influence. The enemy would like nothing better than to make you both miserable (which also makes your daughter's life horrible) because it breaks God's heart.

God bless all three of you.

Answer 4

You can decide what is important to you. Do you want to stay in this relationship or not? If so, then accept the man the way he is. If not, make arrangements to move out, or ask him to move out. But don't think you are going to change him. That only causes grief.

Many men simply give no thought to housework. They are not good at it, they don't see the need for it, and they don't do it. My Steve used to say one of the best things about me was that I didn't pester him with a lot of cleaning. (He was good about running the vacuum cleaner once a week, however.)

You say you are all untidy. Well, OK; you're both busy, and your daughter is presumably too young to do much or to care much. So fine. Leave the house messy, and just clean and wash what you absolutely must. You need clean clothes periodically, and you need to keep ahead of total chaos in bathroom and kitchen, or it will become a health hazard. But do you really need to do as much as you do?

Since you both work outside the home, there's no reason you should be doing a lot of housework. If he's not interested in doing it either, then let it go. Having been a hippie in my youth, I am aware of just how messy a house can be and still be a home. And if you could see my apartment now . . . you'd know I'm still a hippie at heart, I suppose.

Life is too short: if you can't afford to hire someone to do the chores, leave them to the extent possible. As I say, you need clean clothes, and you need a minimum of cleanliness in kitchen and bathroom. But don't knock yourself out.

And as for cooking; if he doesn't care, why not just use frozen and prepared things, and eat out whenever possible? It's no disgrace; lots of people rarely cook.

Answer 5

You have all the choices by everyone else who has answered.

I am going to guess that "dumping" him isn't something you are going to do.

I would start by changing your own habits and try not to be so "untidy", and teach your daughter how to be neat (it's just as easy as being a slob). It will help you after a long day of work if you at least have your and your daughters things put away.

But really, what comes to my mind is you are wanting him to change. I don't know how long you have been living together, but you are wanting a change in his habits. I wouldn't blackmail him by refusing sex or not shopping, etc., you would make a point doing that, but doubtful it would have any long-lasting effect.

I would talk to him and tell him that this is unfair. He probably will say that he likes things just the way the are, he doesn't mind the mess. If that is the case, you will then know that this will be your future with him. You then will need to decide if it's right for your daughter (moreso than yourself).

Answer 6

this is a question i know alot about. my husband was exactly the same. It got to the stage i wouldnt go home knowing what i have to do. soooooo I stopped cleaning altogether, including the washing, i done mine and the kids washing and that was it. It was quiet amusing to watch him in action, after 5 days he relised that he had no underware, and his work cloths were still dirty, he couldnt even have a shower because the towels were dirty. He started shouting what the hell is going on, the house is a pitt and ive got no clean cloths. I just laughed. I quit looking after your mess either you help me out around the house, or you can do your own... I even left his plate and cutlery out without washing it. I then grabbed the kids and took them out for the day.... When i got back nothing had been done, so i carried on doing my own and kids. the next day i dropped kids off at school and went to work, and what do you know when i got back, there was his washing on the line, and the house was spotless, he apologised and said he would help me out. he looked shattered thats a real days work...... sometimes i have to give hints to remind him, i do the washing without his washing and he gets on with it.,..... trust me this works, but you have to be firm, DO NOT CLEAN UP..... leave the house for at least 3 days dont touch anything it will be hard but it does work, people struggle to live in a mess, he will get the hint. good luck

Answer 7

Oh I know exactly how you feel, but I haven't got any children. Its the only thing we argue about. He keeps saying he is going to more and blah blah blah!but he doesn't and if he does a wash on one day of the week, he will use that for like two weeks, I did a wash the other day, when I can do 3 washes (laundry) a day.
Its hard to change a mans habits. I'm beginning to think you can't, but I will keep trying. You need to tell him how much this is bothering you. Honesty is the best advice in this scenario. You can't do much more than that really.
Good Luck!

Answer 8

Why is this a question? I see nothing wrong in this scenario!!

Only joking!

I do most of the housework but my girlfriend does ALL of the cooking with the exception of special occasions when I'm trying to get my end away! Fair trade in my books.

Stop doing his cleaning and see how long it takes before he complains about having no clean undercrackers to wear.

Answer 9

Men by their nature don't like anything to do with house work, they don't mind "manly" jobs like grass cutting, painting, fixing a lock etc
Turn off ,or remove the fuse to the TV, computer, etc and let him sweat !!!!
You could also try the other female ploy, I will not describe it here.
Indicate to him that you are both working, and it is only fair-play that he helps you in the house.

Answer 10

well you need to sit him down and have a calmly talk with him. you need to plan on what you are going to say. i mean it's only fair that both of you help clean the house specially when you have children at home they don't need to grow up in messy house, he can do easy things like make the bed, vacuum the rugs, pick up dirty dishes, bring dirty cloths to the laundry room, take out the trash. or what ever else you want him to do, if he don't want to do the work that you put it him or he can get out.

Answer 11

burn his dinners, dont give him any "fun"do loads of hoovering when he`s on the psp, keep getting in the way as he is in a difficult bit, if he thought anything of you he would do these things, no questions, sounds like your with a bone idle user,you say "your" daughter, if the idle bloke isnt dad then ditch the lazy so and so, and get a decent bloke, there are loads out there and available.