Was I molested?

Question

When I was 7 or 8 years old, my babysitter’s daughter, who was about a year older, preformed oral sex on me on a regular basis. She would also straddle me or have me get on top of her and though there was no penetration, there was a lot of genital / genital contact.

Looking back I now realize that she had almost certainly been molested and the thought makes me sick.

I have never really considered myself a victim of molestation. I have to admit that after she introduced me to "the games" I was a willing participant. But if she was a genuine victim and then initiated such act, am I any different?

I have suffered none of the "usual" symptoms of being a victim of sexual molestation; I have a rock solid marriage with a damn healthy sex life.

I am not looking for an excuse to be a victim here, some pretty horrible things have happened in my life that I could crumble behind if that was what I was looking for. I just want to recognize this for what it really might have been.

Answer 1

She was only a year older than you, and you were a willing participant. It would be hard to get a charge to stick.

Do you remember feeling helpless? Did you FEEL victimized? You are right- she was probably the victim of sexual abuse and was showing the signs of it. I wonder had you been her age doing those things to her, would it be different? I don't know... it sounds as though you were both two kids experimenting.

The fact that you're even considering this question makes me wonder that there are things you might want to discuss with a therapist. That doesn't mean you're crazy-- but it helps to have someone who can guide you through these, or any other, issues. Good luck!

Answer 2

I would say no. You say that at the time you were about 7 or 8 and she was a year older. I don't believe that children that young know that it is wrong. She was probably acting out something that she had seen or maybe she was being molested. I just read about something similar in the newspaper here in Philly and it stated that authorities would consider it experimentation in young children. However I think it may have been a little bit more with her because she seemed a little more advanced than most. She may be some where right now asking herself the same question. I am glad to hear that although horrible things have happened in your life that you were able to live a normal life. I wish you happiness for the rest of your life.

Answer 3

Well, the answer is evident, at 8 or 9 years old a girl that acts like that, she HAS been molested, no question. As for you, well, I don't think I would say so. Of course, she probably doesn't know that this sort of behavior was wrong. I'm not a psychologist or anything, but I've heard that this sort of behavior is learned, and that this is how she believed to show affection. Though on a way more innapropriate manner, this is how she was showing affection. I think, also, that when we are kids, a lot of things happen that we don't really know if it was considered "molestation". For example, a boy pulling down your pants or touching you in a way that you're not really sure if that's what should be done to your body. Being that this was another CHILD that did this. One of my brother's friends would come into my room and we'd kind of do things, but never anything actually sexual too when I was 12 or so. I don't think it means "molestation" in your case, but definately a strange thing to take place at that age.

Answer 4

Yes, that is molestation. I was molested for over 4 years of my childhood by my grandfather. You dont know that it is wrong when you are that young. You think that it is perfectly normal. There is not much you can do now, but if it bothers you to much id see a consler. I saw one for like 7 years. Im sure it helped but i still remeber everythin besides the suicide afterwards. It affects people differently. I am very uncomfortable when having sex with men. Because that is all I think about. A couple years ago I decided to start seeing women. Im sure that is not the whole reason why i decided that. But it makes me feel alot more comfortable, and It makes me alot happier. I do not feel threatened. You are lucky that it doesnt affect your sexual life. And the little girl that did that to you problobly has a really messed up life. It wouldnt suprise me if she is still doing that now. Dont feel sorry for yourself, the best way to deal is to just put the memorys away.Just a story from another molestation victim. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Not if she were only a year older. Kids experiment. She didn't know what she was really doing, all she knew was that it felt good. And so did you. Chalk it up to another childhood experience.

At six I was molested by some neighbor's (not the adults) children we visited, I think they were already into their teens. The thought still makes my skin crawl.

Answer 6

I would think yes, you are molested. Though you may be, as what you claim, a willing participant at that time, but you don't really know what all those contacts means right? I would take this as a lure-into-accept molestation issue.

Answer 7

I dont think you were molested.
she was 9 years old taht means she was a kid that time also...
and all kids get curious to their genitals at certain time like 6 to 10.
something like that also happend to me...I felt damn guilty and felt like a sinner.but later i realized it was not good or amiable situation since I was a kid and the other person also a kid,I can forgive myself and the let go of the situation.
I hope my advice will help you

Answer 8

You were playing doctor. She was apparently a specialist! Just be glad she wasn't an internist!

Answer 9

i would say yes...many young children dont realize that what someone is doing to them is wrong because they havent learned any different yet..the good thing is that you realize it now that your older.

Answer 10

I think that you were, based on what you have just said.