years ago i dated a man and i can honestly say that he is the only man i have ever been in love with. we were in the military and he was sent somewhere else on such a short notice that i didnt get to say bye. after not hearing from him for quiet sometime i was convinced that i was never going to see him again. it was heartbreaking. a few years later i got married to my husband. i love him with all my heart, but im not in love with him.
well after several years we found each other on myspace and it was like we were never apart. he told me that he was sorry for leaving like that (he didnt have a choice) and that he had thought about me a lot. he said that he still had deep feelings for me and after some time asked to see me (not for sex). i said that i thought it wasnt a good idea. this was several months ago and it has been on my mind 24/7. im not the cheating type but im scared that if i dont take this chance that i will never know. what would you do? please no derogatory replies.
2006-10-10 19:35:51 · 27 answers · asked by portuguese_tease 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is very deep and important. Me just saying follow your heart isn't enough. What I am thinking is this man from the military is your soulmate. When I read how you feel about him it seem very real and sincere like you really mean it. You have to do some soul searching and think about everything because this is your life.
By the way it sounds I think you should go with which one fulfills every need of yours. That whoever you go with does more then just make you happy for a while but for the long run. That he isn't afraid to let you really into his life. It seems as if the military guy is the one since you all meet years later and your feelings are that strong even though you have a husband. If you decide to go with the other guy you have to first go talk with your husband and tell him how you feel. It will hurt him, I can tell you that. SO make the right decision, because this is nothing to play with its very serious. After you do what you do tell me how everything goes. I will pray for you that GOD helps you make the right decision for your life.
2006-10-10 19:49:05 · answer #1 · answered by Young Vito 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were in the military... there were ways for you guys to keep in touch, and you both chose not to.
You took an oath, made a promise before God and your family. Are you an honorable person or one that is subject to playing out selfish whims?
You have an obligation and a responsibility and the reason that this country has become the social crap heap it has become is because somewhere along the way we got the idea that feelings were more important than character. They are not.
Character counts for a great deal.
If you take off with this guy, you will always be an adulterer. You sit and wonder now "what am I missing out on" and if you go you will wonder "what did I leave behind?" The grass is always greener, so better tend the pasture you have.
2006-10-11 02:56:50 · answer #2 · answered by David P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Question-If he had to leave on such short notice why did he not call or write.Did they remove his hands,and tongue.
There's nothing wrong with living in the past.But fact is you made your choice with your husband.If you loved this other guy so much why didn't you try to find him,and wait for him?
Why is making this choice even on your mind.You took a vow to your husband.To love and Honor forever,not when it's convenient to you and your current situation.
Fact is no matter how you put it you are selfish.And you asking this question is just looking for support to go do it,so you don't feel guilty about it.
Another thing,you're in love with a person you don't know anymore.A lot of things change people in a couple of years.
This decision is on you and your head.I hope you make the right one,for your husbands sake.
Good luck
2006-10-11 02:57:27 · answer #3 · answered by seandebra17 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Know what? What is it that you're trying to find out? Are u looking for some kind of closure? If that's the case then I would suggest u explain to your husband what's going on and what your intentions are. Remember u are already married. This is the choice that u have made. If u are going to see him behind your husband's back, then u might as well be cheating on him. I don't know how your husband would react to this if u told him but if you're not the cheating type then u should be honest to your husband about your intentions and hope he will understand.
2006-10-11 02:42:30 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow ... your question made me think about the time before I got married. Same situation, but he wasn't in the military. Let's see, you need closure. You said that he left so quickly that you didn't get the chance to say goodbye. I think you need to talk to your husband about it. Explain the situation and reassure him that you are just going to meet to get the closure you need to move on. I'm hoping that your husband is the understanding type of person. Or, you could do what I did, let it go and move on. I didn't get the closure I needed before I gor married. But, you know what? It's ok with me because I found someone who I love with all my heart. If the guy that you dated really loved you, he would have found a way to say goodbye and to reassure you that he would come back for you. Do what your heart tells you. Goodluck.
2006-10-11 07:14:15 · answer #5 · answered by bsantos0523 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go and meet him... Even if you are married, i dont say go and meet and stay with him, maybe the feelings you think you still have for him is more an romantic illusion but if you dont go and meet with him you will never get rid of your 24/7 thinking of him which is not very nice to your husband as well, even if he doesnt know. But you know and i can imagine that you dont feel very happy about the situation you are in now. Just go and meet him, for old times sake and friendship. Get it done and then get rid of him! If you are really still in love with him think about it carefully, as you are married and for sure you didnt marry just for fun... hope it helps a little!
2006-10-11 03:25:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why on earth would you marry a man that your not in love with? I'm sure you have feelings for your husband, its just with knowing that this other guy is available your thinking is not so straight.
Definately do not cheat on your husband. Especially with someone that had no problem in leaving you once before. It might just come back to bite you in the ***.
You were in love with your husband once, and I'm sure these feelings will come back again. just don't ruin a good thing
2006-10-11 02:50:25 · answer #7 · answered by penelope 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you met in a public place, and were catching up on what has took place since you last saw each other. Would not be cheating. As long as you made your intentions clear...That you did not wish to have an intimate relationship. But that you just wanted to know how his life has been. I do feel though that he may misinterpret your intentions....Do be specific. You may also feel old emotions trying to take hold. Stand your ground. You did take a vow to your husband.
2006-10-11 08:25:45 · answer #8 · answered by Gina K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you love your husband with all your heart, but you're not in love with him. I've always believed that the difference in loving someone and being in love is as follows:
In love--the excitement of first days of romance; the romance of being in love; all sorts of romantic notions regarding the other person.
Loving someone: You respect, and are proud of your spouse; he is someone you can laugh and cry with and tell all your secrets to as well as have a family with and this gives you a deep sense of satisfaction. You would hate if something bad happened to him. You find him him attractive and are building a life together.
So to me the romance of "being in love" doesn't even come close to the warm, wonderful feeling of loving someone and being loved in return.
The military romance was long ago and you are probably fantasizing the situation and reliving the emotions you felt at the time. Please don't jeopardize your marriage to a man you "love with all my heart" for a fantasy that could very well turn out to be just that.
2006-10-11 02:46:31 · answer #9 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm just wondering, could he have written you letters or anything else of that sort? if so, did you ask why he didn't? all i can really say, is that if you want it to get off your mind, you could go see him. make sure he knows you're married and just want to see an old friend or something like that. just maybe meet to go eat and talk a little. so you could either do that and hopefully it'll settle any thoughts you have or you could wait it out and just deal with it, but it might be on your mind for a long time
2006-10-11 02:41:08 · answer #10 · answered by pumba 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋