I have tried a million times to get my husband to take care of himself. He won't do it. He will let himself go w/o showers a few days and his bathroom habits make me physically ill...he reeks! I tell him he stinks--he gets mad. We have a 3 & 5 yo girl & boy--I believe we as parents must set examples. He isn't how I want my kids to be when they grow up! Also, we fight about him helping me with the household chores--he vows to do better and does for a couple days and then reverts back to not doing anything and leaving messes. I cannot take it. I am 25yo and have hypertension--is that insane or what?!? He has NO respect for me--he doesn't even respect himself! I have talked till I was blue in the face--nothing ever sinks in. I have been thinking of seperating but is this a legit reason? Really? What about my kids? These are the top issues w/our marriage--the other being his job is highly stressful. We fight daily. I am sooo sick of it. But I worry about my kids not having their dad.
2006-10-10 18:31:13 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Probability is good, he was a slob before you married him, but did not notice until the stars were off your eyes. He could change with self motivation, but I am afraid it's no common occurence.
Your health is in jeopardy and that of the children's future. You really do not have that much option. Quit now or quit later.
2006-10-10 18:56:39 · answer #1 · answered by McDreamy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are more serious issues in this marriage. I think both of you need to get some marriage counselling. He could be seeing you as a nagging, controlling wife and he probably wants to come home and do nothing since his job is so stressful. I suggest that you save your marriage, get into counselling and don't get divorced just because he smells and doesn't help around the house...divorce is not the solution, its very messy and very very damaging to the kids so best to work through this problem and get couselling. Seriously. I think you should realize your kids are worth this effort.
2006-10-10 19:07:27 · answer #2 · answered by DrSH 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband might be depressed, that lack of motivation is not a good thing. Was he different before, was his job what changed him?
You could try marriage counseling and also approach it in a different way since the fighting won't help it.
Let him know he can count on you but he needs to change his behavior and probably seek professional help.
It could become a reason to separate and I think this is the effect of what's happening to him but you need to know what's causing it.
Good luck.
2006-10-10 18:40:48 · answer #3 · answered by Firelei P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he is depressed. Try a trip to the doctor.
Can you get some counseling? Is this how the two of you forsaw your life together? ask him that? ask him to help you make a plan on how to change things before the marriage is over.
I don't think you should put up with this for much longer.
2006-10-10 18:53:51 · answer #4 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because I'm just not interested Other reasons are: Smoker or Drinker--and I mean heavy drinker "Player" Rude Narcisistic --like talks about himself in the 3rd person No humor
2016-03-28 04:28:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The man who is careless in his everyday habits, who takes no interest in keeping himself clean and presentable, proves two things: First, he does not care about what people think, and second, he does not really love his wife as he should.
Let's look at these two points. Number1, he doesn't care what anybody says about him. Many times you've heard someone say; " I don't care what people think about me! I don't care what anybody says! As long as I know I'm right, that's all that matters!" Oh come-on now! Sure that sounds noble, but it's as phony as a three-dollar bill. In our daily life, in our association with family and friends, it makes all the difference in the world what others think.
How can we possibly have a satisfying relationship with another person if he has a low opinion of us? And how inclined will he be to accept us or respect our views if our appearance or odour is offensive to him? NO, if we deliberately offend others, we just don't care about their feelings, and that's tragic.
Number 2, this man doesn't really love his wife. When we love someone, we want supremely, to please them. The thought of displeasing them would be distressing to us. If your man wanted, above all else, to please you, he would certainly sense the fact that you are unresponsiveness to his come-ons, as a result of his poor hygienic traits.
It sounds like your husband is in a mental and physical slump and has let himself go in his hygienic habits. Perhaps he figures that it's hopeless and he's just comfortable the way he is. And I'm sorry to say that he probably won't take any steps to improve himself, as you mentioned that you've tried several times. And you, my dear, have discovered the true picture of the partner you chose to spend eternity with.
Your husband needs to have the desire to change his habits and he needs to understand why he needs to change. I also want to say to you is that you married him because you loved him and you had to have known then of his poor hygienic habits. But you also knew that he had characteristics and personality that over-shadowed his lack of hygienic qualities. You fell in love with him, so why are you trying so desperately to change his ways?
Nobody really changes anybody except himself! And sometimes when we succeed in changing our own attitudes and habits, there will be a gradual change in those around us. But to try and fix his hygienic qualities will be almost impossible unless your husband himself is strongly convinced that this is vitally important. Everything depends on his own desire to improve.
But if you remember that " love is patient and kind, never haughty or selfish or rude", In other words, love considers the feelings of others. When we love someone, we never put that person down, love covers. Even though we are not blind to the faults and weaknesses of our partner. You know them far too well. And above all, we must respect our partner's imperfections and frailties. Thus he may want to change himself, to save his marriage. Anyway, God Bless!
2006-10-10 19:45:57 · answer #6 · answered by trieghtonhere 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You kids have a part time dad now, so what the big problem, and yes if his habits disgust you then it is best if you leave him, it will only get worse, The alternative is get real good counciling and soon
2006-10-10 18:42:03 · answer #7 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes
2006-10-10 18:46:45 · answer #8 · answered by canivieu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take your kids and leave, your kids do not need to be in that environment, with fighting. its not good for them no anyone else. File for divorce, that will tell him that you are being serious about the marriage.
2006-10-10 18:35:55 · answer #9 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is that how your marriage vows read? you see i have a opinion and it is leaving a marriage is no different of a sin then cheating on your spouse. You made a commitment of free will and you are to stay with it til death do you part.
2006-10-10 18:48:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋