I wake up one morning and they were in bed 2gether. Today, I'm getting ready for bed he comes over,and asks if she is gonna leave the door open she says yeah. I pretend not to hear. He comes in and lays on her bed and goes to sleep, and doesn't say a word to me, She showers and just lays on top of him. Meanwhile I'm on the otherside of the room.
Now I have a major problem with this because out of respect she could have at least asked me.Neither he or she says anything. They just come in and fall asleep.
I have to be honest this is not the only reason but the fact that I have to sit here and watch the couple sleep in bed, I have to watch this a constant reminder of what I no longer have. I am sensitive to anything regarding couples CZ of all the things I can no longer do with my boyfriend hes been dead a year now.And Plz be sensitive to this issue cuz it is just like a grieving wife it hurts just the same,Plz what should I do?I feel like God is giving me pain, for prior happiness
2006-10-10 18:07:31 · 13 answers · asked by Gifted and Gracious 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
She is very well aware of my boyfriend's death, as a mater of fact he is too everyone is cuz I have our oics decorating the wall and he obitutary is on the walls as well. I just can't imagine doing this to anyone out of respect. I would have at least asked she didn't have the common courtsey to do that.
And they are just laying there playing in bed, No one will understand this unitl u lose someone right in the prime of your relationship when everything is perfect...but this hurts. To watch people do the little things u used to always do and there is no xscape everywhere I turn i see us. I just cant take it anymore, I just had a crying sesion, and I can't stop crying, just a constant flow of silent tears, I'm in pain. I can't talk to my family becuase they rejoiced when my boyfriend died. I have no friends. It's just me and the one place I go to escape the world, my dorm is now a place of pain, reminders of the things I can never do with the one I love.
2006-10-10 18:40:06 · update #1
You should talk to your room mate. Let her know that you are uncomfortable with the sleeping arrangements. Explain to her about your ex passing away and how you would prefer it if he didn't come over as much and when he is coming over if they could at least run it by you first. Even if you didn't have this bad experience. She should still have the courtesy to respect your common space. I think if you talk things out woman to woman you can set some ground rules together that will be in the best interest for all parties involved. Ohhhh... and about that last statement you made. God would never give you anything you can not handle. The happiness you've experienced in your life was made possible by God. God has a greater plan for all of us. Instead of looking at it as "why did this happen to me?", "What did i do to deserve this?"... so on and so fourth. May be your ex needed to meet you. Maybe he needed to know you, hold you, love you, and learn from you in order to be ready for what God had planned for him. I cant imagine how hard it must be to go through something like this. But i do know that you'll move forward and you'll find someone new to share your love with. Not to replace him but to build a future with. He'd want you to be Happy. I'm sure hes watching over you and when he finds a man that he thinks is good enough for you, he'll help but him in your path. Stay strong. It will all work out.
2006-10-10 18:28:55 · answer #1 · answered by *~*BeLiNa*~* 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try to bring this issue up with ur roommate and tell her that although u think it's great that her and her bf are so in love or whatever it is rude to u to be doing this not only out of common courtesy but since u are living in such close quarters it is hard to have ur own privacy with a guy in the room. also, let her know how this makes u feel in terms of ur past relationship. if she still does not stop adn ask her bf to leave or at least ask ur permission, i would go to ur resident advisor and report the problem and see if u can get a new room assignment or some other action.
good luck and sorry for ur loss. hope this issue gets resolved!
2006-10-10 19:02:07 · answer #2 · answered by mayami 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your dormmate should be more sensitive toward you but she shouldn't be expected to alter her life for you because of your experiences. However, out of respect, she shouldn't just allow her boyfriend to come into the bedroom if you and she share it, since it would be your bedroom too. If that's the case, tell her you're not okay with him sleeping over or coming into your bedroom. You have a right to your privacy. As far as your pain at seeing their romance and contentedness with each other, you have to understand, you're going to see couples just about everywhere you go. Don't blame or be bitter towards her or any other happy couples because of your loss. Your hurt will subside with time (not saying it will completely go away, of course). One day you will smile when you think of him and if you try, you might discover the hidden blessings created for you merely by his presence in your life and his departure as well. I know it may not make much sense to you now, but you are learning important lessons through your own experiences. Those will last you a lifetime. Not dismissing his importance in your life in any way, but try to remember that it's the difficult times in our lives that help us to fully appreciate the good in our lives.
2006-10-10 19:05:34 · answer #3 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow..i am so sorry for your loss..ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and i cant imagine what i would do without him..does youre roomate know what happened? if she does she probably just isnt realizing the amount of pain this is causing you..if i were you ..i would try talking to her and maybe arranging for him not to be over all the time..cant she go over to his place? and as far as god giving you pain for prior happiness ..i really dont think so..if that were the case than what would happen to all the bad people in the world? im sure if you just talk to her everything will work out..I hope it does..just remember that time does heal all wounds..i hope this helps
2006-10-10 18:16:02 · answer #4 · answered by CINDY R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your pain is understandable..there is however a timeline. you sai he has been gone for a year. I'm not saying you should forget him...but how long do you feel you should greive indefinately?
There has to come a time where you come to grips that he has passed away and that you are still alive. You are punishing yourself by making your dorm room an altar to this man. Would you even allow yourself to date another guy without feeling guilt?
Also...this is college and a time where most young adults have their "fun" in life. Are you denying your roomie of her hapiness?
2006-10-10 20:35:24 · answer #5 · answered by bald_guy69 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You dorm mate needs to find new digs, It does not matter what she is doing , there are two people living in that room not her and her bunk buddies, Tell to find a new room, or if push comes to shove you move. I am sorry to hear of your loss, but please remember that the world will not stop just for you, and that is one more thing you will have to deal with
2006-10-10 18:32:01 · answer #6 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i don't think the main concern is you are missing your bf who died and you can't sleep beside you anymore.
the issue here is that she is allowing her bf to drop by your room to sleep beside her with you just across the room. that is not giving consideration to your privacy. and is plain disrespectful. i hope they are not doing anything extra.
talk to her about it. it's your right as her room mate. i understand that it doesn't come with the agreement that bf's can come in at night and sleep beside their gf's especially when there is another person sharing the room. if you don't do anything about it, then they will just continue with it. and probably there will come a time that they will start to do a lot more besides just sleep together.
2006-10-10 18:20:46 · answer #7 · answered by Coolitz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some ppl just dont know courtesy and its not their fault.. its the fault of whoever raised them to be what they are. also, they havent experienced any pain like u have gone through, so definitely, they dont know u r that sensitive.
the best u can do is talk to them about it. tell them what is honestly in ur heart. do it in a nice way and be honest and things will work out fine.
remember.. anything can be said; its the way we say it that matters.
2006-10-10 18:12:01 · answer #8 · answered by The Punisher 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to first tell roommate this is unacceptable, if that doesn't work you need to talk to the resident adviser and if that doesn't work go up from there. If they girl doesn't stop ask them to change your room for you. You shouldnt have to live like that and if it bothers you you need to tell someone...
2006-10-10 18:37:21 · answer #9 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk to them ASAP.. and if that doesn't work go talk to your RN they are there for a reason .. and I'm sorry about your BF .. but It will get better.. but talk to anyone there is a way to fix this or ou could get a different room mate
2006-10-10 18:13:07 · answer #10 · answered by nobodysangel2469 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋