I had my daughter 4 years ago. Her father and I were together for 8 wonderful years.
We seperated but he spends three days a week with my daughter at my house (when I go to the gym) and takes her every second weekend. He honestly loves her and is a brilliant father. He and I are best of friends and have been since we were kids but we just can't live together or we fight.
I'm going to have to be blunt here - we occasionally get together for sex (I've only been with one sexual partner and it has been my ex husband). I really want to have another child - it's that feeling in my heart again - the same feeling I had before conceiving my daughter. Also I want a sibling for my daughter's sake.
NOW MY QUESTION TO YOU....I just don't know if it is the right thing to do in terms of bringing another child into this world without a permanent father figure in the house.
Please help....
2006-10-10 17:58:13 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
Thank you all so much for you time and thoughts. I've even voted good answers to those of you who have told me my family situation is dysfunctional. Although I appreciate your point of view. I don't think that the current situation is dysfunctional in the least. My daughter has a loving family. She sees her mother and father showing affection as opposed to what she would witness if we lived together.
2006-10-10 18:30:33 · update #1
I can understand that. You want a baby and you have a wonderfully responsible man there, who is already a great father, why not make him one again? It's obvious you love each other, but you have difficulty getting along...try seeking counceling to work through those issues. If you really love each other, and your daughter you might be able to work things out and go from there. But if that's not an option, I would think long and hard about taking such a big step. Good luck!!
2006-10-10 18:06:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
My personal opinion, we can't predict the future, so you don't know if a permanent father figure is out there. Having another child isn't about how you feel about it, it should be about how good it is for the child coming into this world. We have lost the essential purpose of having children, which is about two people in love and wanting to share their love with a child, and as I see it, though not together your child is still loved by both of you. It's not about wanting or feeling by one party and having what you want. Sorry if I'm blunt, but I think you should think it over a bit more.
2006-10-10 18:12:57 · answer #2 · answered by diehard0603 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The exact same thing happened to me.
I have been with my bf since i was 17, we are now 24 & 25 with a daughter who is 3
Last year we decided to split up because it was like we had lost our sparkle and had become best friends, we still saw each other everyday and he spent then same amount of time with his daughter.
Since we had been together for such a lont time we still got together for s** but still remained seperated and neither of us slept around.
This year I became pregnant (I am now 18 weeks) at the begining we decided that even thought we were seperated we would continue with the pregnancy, for us it meant both my children had the same father, he was a constant figure in their life and there would never be a second father in the picture to deal with, and plus being the bestest of friends.
I think you are doing the right thing you are definatley not a bad mother infact you have saved your child from what some children see, arguments and battles etc.
I say go with it.
I will just mention that afew months ago we did get back together and he moved back in, but even if he hadnt we were happy with what we had been doing
Good luck
2006-10-10 19:24:29 · answer #3 · answered by Rebekah 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That would be really tough. IF you dont think your going to find someone else that you would want to be with Have you ever considered being together just in different houses? He seems to be a really good dad so if you wanted things to work out with you 2 somehow, wouldnt it be possible for him to still be a good father to the new baby as well? That is somthing I would think VERY hard on before acting. Maybe talk to a counsler or someone, could you just be missing the fact of someone totally depending on you and just loving you all the time? Be careful with the bed you make that can be a hard road to go down...
2006-10-10 18:14:00 · answer #4 · answered by navigator_girl_1982 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not trap your ex. It is the wrong thing to do. You are only thinking of your own needs. Your daughter does not NEED a sibling. If in the future you find someone who you want to share your family with and have additional children that is fine but to bring a child into a dysfunctional situation is not fair to anyone including the child.
2006-10-10 18:09:49 · answer #5 · answered by slick50 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ask your ex he may want another child too. If he isnt in a relationship. Seems like he's a great dad. Your relationship seems to be fine. Your situation seems a lot better for your child than having two parents under one roof that constantly fight. And at least your children would have the same father. Good luck.
2006-10-10 18:33:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You fimally is not dysfunctional
talk to him about it
I think it is a good idea that you want both children to be of the same father and as for not having a permanent father figure in the house you are wrong
he may not sleep over but he is more of a permanent figure than
the ones that sleep under the same roof every night with the child
take it from me
Good Luck
2006-10-11 01:42:38 · answer #7 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is but it is not.
I do not think that it is selfish to be a single parent, at all.
But your family does not seem to be that stable right now, with the coming and going of your husband having sex and stuff.
Maybe your family could benefit from marriage counsoling.
uhh good_old_bastard, I was born "out of wedlock" and I turned out completly fine...I never got mad or anything. Not to mention I was never called a "bastard". Of course there are going to be people like you, but not everyone is as coldhearted and old fashioned anymore. Alot of children are born to single parents BY CHOICE and turn out ALOT better then parents in a family where the father was there when the baby was born, and then came and went through the childs life.
That was seriously mess me up more then not having my mother be married...
Seriously try finding a heart and stop being so damn close minded.
2006-10-10 19:08:09 · answer #8 · answered by Laura M 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you have performed no longer something incorrect.. From the %i might say he replace into having an spectacular time with the geese. As for the maze.. it won't harm him or completely scar him. seems such as you have a brave properly rounded little guy on your palms and he will probable be a hand finished while he gets somewhat older. shop up the sturdy artwork and robust success. P.S. I disclose my seven 12 months previous little female to as many new issues (in all fairness) as i will. She is definitely rounded and smart. If she does not like something she wil enable me understand and we will not do this lower back. through fact of this I honestly have a baby that loves sushi..
2016-12-08 12:38:39 · answer #9 · answered by casco 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a difficult one, however why dont you speak to your ex and see what his thoughts on the matter are. Let's face it, it would be preferable to have 2 kids with the same man. If your relationship works at the moment with you living apart and your kid is happy then keep the relationship that way. Just because its unusual does not mean its wrong, hell it sounds more functional than 90% of marriages that I know!
2006-10-10 18:49:08 · answer #10 · answered by tay_jen1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋