22 year old daughter said she was bi sexual, 16 says she is lesbian. i am a 44 year old woman that was raised that this stuff is not "normal" i dont know how to deal with this stuff. trying to discuss with kids, hard because 16 year old is trying to deal with it herself. 22 year old seems comfortable. please help. i dont know what to say to them, all i want is for them to be happy, but dont know what to say to help.
2006-10-10 16:17:11 · 15 answers · asked by Robin L 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
tell them what you just said here... and you love them no matter what
2006-10-10 16:20:32 · answer #1 · answered by nightsky1331 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
First of all take a deep breath. Its not the end of the world, although I can understand your feelings of confusion and not knowing what to do. Being a bisexual and a Lesbian are two different things, the issues are not the same at all. One is a sexual preference, the other is that and a lifestyle preference.
You sound like you are an open minded woman who wants to help her daughters like any mom would and should. I suggest you find the nearest PFLAG(a parents and friends support organization) near you and contact them for support groups and information about having a GLBT child. You can also search the web for the same information.
If you are a practicing christian, you can contact the Metro Community Churchs or MCC, who minister to the GLBT community and their families.
I think you said what you need to say very well, tell them that you love them and you want them to be happy and will do the best you can to accomplish that. They must recognize that this is a new world for you too, and they need to be patient and understanding that you might not always react the way they want you too.
Your older daughter is an adult, but the 16yr old is still a child, and her issues won't be any different than any other teen as far as relationships and all the drama that goes with them. Its just going to be a girl involved and not a guy. So don't treat her any differently just because she's a Lesbian, the rules still apply, she's still a teen and dependent on you.
I'm sure you are wondering if it was anything you did. I can assure you its not. I am bisexual, my daughters father is a transvestite. We have twin daughters, age 23. One is bisexual but a virgin who does not date right now, and the other, recently married is as about as heterosexual as you can get. They were raised the same, so go figure.
Good luck, be strong and take care of yourself too.
2006-10-10 23:31:33 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Your girls are possibly hurt or disappointed in men and boys. There could also be a fear of pregnancy (think back, wasn't that a heck of a restraint to you when you were an adolescent?). Sloppy lovers, crass and rude, often aggressive or juvenile men are not always easy to get along with. Women are more compatible companions and have long been accessible for mutual sexual release--again, with no pregancy, no mood shift afterwards that abandons or degrades. Lesbians have a lot to offer in many ways. But there will be no babies unless they broaden their interests, and they most likely will. All you have to do is talk up the good and advantageous aspects of men and husbands and they will give you an earful of their reasons for their choices. Then you carefully probe for details. Once you know what turns them off to men, you can address the issues with focus and clarity. Good luck.
2006-10-10 23:39:44 · answer #3 · answered by Rabbit 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Once you get in touch with the afore mentioned listed sites and groups you will start to feel a bit better and a lot more knowledgeable.
The correct knowledge and understanding will be your greatest tools in life no matter the situation. My parents didn't have the resourses that you have today but my mom, like you, wanted me to be happy no matter what. My dad was a totally different story.
You may never really accept what your daughters do but you will understand it and still love them no matter what.
2006-10-10 23:34:09 · answer #4 · answered by dragon 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My 14 y/o daughter just told me recently that she thinks that she is bi-sexual. She is very confused herself and trying to figure everything out. Your not alone in feeling this way! I have MANY gay friends, belong to many gay rights groups, I'm bi myself (she doesn't know that part). But when my daughter told me this, I was shocked, disappointed, and sad. I never thought I would react that way at all!
I have since talked to many people at PFLAG and they have helped me and my daughter tremendously! If you go to there website, www.pflag.org, then you can find a chapter in your area. They hold meetings weekly or monthly depending on the chapter. They have groups there for teenagers as well. They can answer all of your questions and help you sort out your feelings. They have email support, hot lines you can call, there is help out there.
I commend you for not judging them and trying to be supportive and helping them adjust. Your probably going to get a lot of hate filled answers here, just ignore their ignorance! If you would like to email me to talk you can, shortystrayrescue@yahoo.com
Good luck!
2006-10-10 23:24:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
thank you!
you are the ideal mother any lesbian or gay would wanna have.
i think you're doing fine.
just let yoiur children feel that they are loved, no matter what their life decisions are.
make them feel that you trust and respect their decisions.
and it's also important to maintain communication with them.
i'm not putting my fellow gays and lesbians down.
but there are indeed some dangerous people out there, both straights and gays, who would take any chance to pick on your daughters.
and you should do everything to protect them from this.
also, you should check this support group.
they can greatly help you.
thanks so much for the support.
2006-10-10 23:46:12 · answer #6 · answered by - iceman - 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Never forbid them to express themselves on these particular ways......remember that what makes something even more interesting is the fact that it is forbidden.......calm down, they are curious and I am sure that in a few months it will pass......you need to build a Good communication channel with both. I think they are trying to call your attention, so give it to them in a different form. Hug them a lot and express how much you love them!
2006-10-11 01:51:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
They are your kids, even though you may not agree with their life decisions, and they alway will be. There are a lot of support groups for parents of children with "alternative" lifestyles. It's always helpful to talk to someone who's been there and it helps you know your not alone.
here is the website for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays I hope it helps.
http://www.pflag.org/
2006-10-10 23:24:30 · answer #8 · answered by ldykat1979 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Without making judgments of any kind, that "stuff" as you call it, is very popular with young people right now. I have certain theories and opinions but they don't mean anything.
I gave this suggestion to someone I knew and it worked for them. The best thing to do is a combination of ignoring it. When they are doing it as a form of rebellion, ignoring it make it less valuable to them. That does not mean allowing behavior you would not allow if it was a boy/girl combination.
My friends daughter grew out of it.
2006-10-10 23:39:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
That's all you have to say to them...That you love them and want them to be happy. Also if you love them, please do not push away any partner that they try to bring home to you...that is so hard on a girl.
Keep an open mind mom.
2006-10-11 04:25:29 · answer #10 · answered by tcountry69 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If they're happy as they are, leave them alone. There's nothing wrong with being bisexual. Jeez. Let them live their own lives, and don't you EVER force a belief upon them. They have a right to be independent from your "ways" if they want.
2006-10-11 01:37:10 · answer #11 · answered by High-strung Guitarist 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋