Can you judge this poem?

Question

I wrote this poem myself and I just want to know what people think. Its very short (sorry bout the shortness) just tell me what you think. Say whatever you really think.

Our Destiny

Take it from me,
i'm giving you the key,
you still can't understand,
that this is a demand.
You must choose a door,
make sure to choose before,
the time runs out.
You still haven't realized,
all of the lies,
and that This is our Destiny.

Answer 1

Not bad. But it should swing more. Let me show you what I mean...

The deed's been done, I now must fly
That no reward I earn
And leave these townsfolk on the sly
While their hearts still burn
As I've taught, so let them learn.
Now one more town is saved from sin
So to the night my horse must turn...
Until I'm needed again.

The hero rides, not knowing why,
As the pages turn
His quiet mind recalls the sigh
Of a Lady stern,
A Heroine to learn
That life makes diff'rent rules for men
Who to the trail must give concern
Until they're needed again.

It's for her company I yearn,
And nevermind her kin.
But I will go, and not return,
Until I'm needed again.

Answer 2

Cant truly decide a poem, one individual will locate it too cliche at an identical time as yet another will locate it fantastic. So maximum persons can in easy terms furnish our techniques and techniques. we can not and would desire to no longer make the poem adjust to our very own standards or to the standards of a few e book because of the fact poetry itself, besides because of the fact the poet, evolve. It varies from united states to united states and from person to person. As no person can decide yet another, poems and how they say their unsayables can not be judged. "There are no longer any good poets Neither there are any undesirable poets What we've judged would be judged contained in the stupidity i'm no Shakespeare Neither i'm Pablo Neruda i'm in basic terms who i'm Writing those lines which will by no potential rhyme ..." "Why could be some one attracted to those lines which has semantically no which potential to fall to triumph over i'm dumb *** poet earlier somebody could like it to call it truly is fantastic that I certainly have been rejected i do no longer comprehend in line with risk thousand cases they do no longer settle on your writings..."

Answer 3

First, I like it. Second, after four readings I'm not sure what the poet is saying. It sounds like a girl who is insisting that a boy make a decision about something very important in both their lives; something that will have lifelong consequences. There is no way to avoid making a decision, because fate precludes avoidance. Am I close ?
Try rewriting this same idea without rhyme and see what you get. I like rhyme, but I have found that when I write the same idea both ways the unrhymed verse turns out sounding more "poetic".
Keep writing.

Answer 4

It sounds like there is a choice that must be made by all of us. I would say that choice is to serve God or to serve the wicked one, the manslayer. You must choose truth or the lie, for you cannot serve two masters-you either love one and hate the other and you have a limited time to make that choice, we all have to choose one or the other. One side keeps you in darkness because of Satan's lies-for he keeps tranforming himself into an angel of light in order to mislead as many as possible. We see all of our Creators great and wonderfull works all around us, all day long, but the dark side continues to mislead you, mainly because you have not come to know the glory of God, you have not taken the time to build an intimate and friendly relationship with him. If you had, then, the choice would be clear and simple, and there would be just one choice, and you could control your destiny.......KECK....beautiful poem.....

Answer 5

NOT ALL POETRY HAS TO RHYME LIKE THIS.

Our Destiny

Take it from me,
i'm giving you the key,

MISSING SOMETHING HERE

you still can't understand,
that this is a demand.
You must choose a door,
make sure to choose before,

the time runs out. >>>YOU HAVE EVERYTHING ELSE RHYMING BUT THIS.

You still haven't realized,
all of the lies,

UNCLEAR OF WHAT DESTINY IS....IS IT LIES?

and that This is our Destiny

Answer 6

Well, i write poetry too and I'll give you some feedback. Not every sentence needs to rhyme with the next. It sounds very cheesy most of the time. Secondly, if you are inconsistent with the pattern, it will throw a reader off. Be more diverse. Broaden your vocabulary in your poetry. Use unique patterns and wording.. that would be just the start.

Answer 7

well destiny does not rhyme with lies so you might want to rework that but all in all is a good poem try going to poetry.com they give lots of help and words that rhyme

Answer 8

People have to feel your poem not just read it. It doesn't touch me at all. I think you like it because you can feel what your feeling while you write but you have not put those feelings you are having into words we can understand.

Answer 9

Although this poem is not to my taste it is pretty good. Continue to write your poems.And, pratice not using so many words that ryhme, but words that make the poem flow.

Answer 10

I hear you clover, I hear what you are saying. It is convoluted. If you've got something to say, don't confuse us by telling us that we still can't understand. Speak the truth, your poem is confusing.