What do I tell or do with my husband?

Question

I am so frustrated. Our marriage is so boring. I get so lonely at home all day with kids and don't have a car. I have begged my husband over and over to take me out on a date or just out of the house but he won't do it. He just wants to stay on the computer all day when he is off. He gets very angry over nothing and can't help it and refuses to get counseling. He also told me if I leave he would kill himself. I think I am not in love with him anymore even though I love him. (if that makes sense) He isn't meeting any of my needs and I don't know what to do. Talking doesn't do anything. thanks

I also would like to add that I give in to him almost 100 percent of the time. He always gets his way on EVERYTHING and I don't stand up or ever get anything I want. Also, he used to be abusive in the past. thanks

Answer 1

Tell him if he doesn't want to take you out then you'll just go out and have fun all by yourself. If he sez he doesn't trust you, then tell him he'll just have to go with you.
Trick him into going out... i hope it works, good luck!

Answer 2

Give him a good talking tell him you are bored with staying at home. Tell him you want to rekindle that romance you once had with him. If that doesn't work I suggest you take that car and start having fun by yourself and leave him with the kids so he will know what kind of hard work you do during the day. If that does not work then I suggest councelling and if he refuses then a divorce. Nothing more worse then being in a marriage and feeling lonely been there done that. I was in the same situation you were in with my first husband I did not know how to drive and he would not take me anywhere. He would set in front of the t.v when he got home and veg out. I was lonely. I actually was starting to go crazy. He ended up cheating on me which was devestating at first but he left me for the other woman and I tell you it was the best thing that ever happen to me. I learned how to drive and learned how to support myself. I also married again and found someone that likes to do things with me. By the way I am ok now not crazy lol. Good luck.

Answer 3

I know what you mean. Half of you loves him and can see good in him and your other half almost despises him. You need to do something and fast. I felt that way once and we are no longer together. Can you get someone to pick the kids up so you and your husband can talk? When he gets home tell him the two of you really need to talk because you can't go on like this anymore. Let him know how serious you are. Don't pass the blame just come up with something the two of you can work out. Both has to compromise something. But if you really want this to work and let me tell you it is going to be hard. COMMUNICATE. Maybe have him read what others have written in here. It may shed a little light on some issues. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 4

Have you been to see a counselor? Even if he doesn't want to go, you should go. It sounds to me like you are on the receiving end of an abusive realtionship. Seriously, talk to a professional. Thats the only way to get the help you need. Just leaving with the kids may not be the right answer. You really need a support network such as famiy and friends. The problem with people like your husband is that they often isolate their spouse so that they have no one to turn to. Get help and then decide what you want to do

Answer 5

truthfully. You have to leave. Its unhealthy for you to live in that enviroment. He may not be abusing you physically anymore..but he is mentally. My telling you he is going to kill himself if you leave. he is getting his way. Take you kids into the car, leave a note that says you are going away for a little while. Tell him that threatening death will get him no where but dead, that you and the kids may hurt but by no longer will he hurt you. Say that things are going to change. Take the kids to the grandparents or a hotel for a few days. IF you don't want to take his car in fear of him reporting it stolen, get a taxi to the airport and rent a car, or something. But get away. When you get back to town, don't see him, go straight to the city hall and file for divorce. You can take this and you diserve better. When you are away with the kids, tell them what you are going to do and make sure that they understand and aren't angry.

I was in an abusive relationship once. Please. Just get out of it. I don't care if he isn't physical anymore...you can't teach and old dog new tricks...he will do it again.

Answer 6

Well I think its time you tell him that you have had enough of this. You MUST get some couple time....and get away from the kids for a while and spend time just with him. As for the threat of killing himself...that is a VERY controlling statement and I guess you would be the one who would know if he would in fact fallow through on it. You can not use threats of any kind in order to "keep" someone around. You must put your foot down as hard as it may be. Just reasure him that you do love him...but you want time WITH him...not just being in the same house.
Best of luck

Answer 7

This is the matter of life and death. U need to decide by ur own. Suggestion can be given. but, u need to take the steps.

Tell him for the last, that u r not in love with him anymore. and then don't care if he suicide. Suicide shows that hes not a sincere man.Get divorced. Re-marry someone whos really cares for u. Otherwise maintain single and live happily ever after.

Answer 8

Well that is a hard one but I can relate I am a stay at home mom to and my husband dose not want to do much the best I can say is just plane things and tell him say we are going to dinner tonight or to a movie and then if he still does not want to go decide if you can live with that or not if not than you may have to leave him good luck.

Answer 9

If he won't get counseling and doesn't talk about it, there isn't really anything else you can do. Maybe you should just tell him that if he doesn't change you are leaving. He is telling you that he will kill himself as a way to guilt you into staying.

Answer 10

i dont have much of an answer for you but i pretty much know what your going through because i'm going through the exact same thing only i still love my fiance i dont know weather im in love with him but i dop know that i love him and i guess thats the big question at the end of the day wheather were still in love with our partners we cant all have the perfect relationships and i guess were fewq of the un lucky ones if you dont want to be with him but dont have the heart to leave him do things that you know really piss him off or cook for your children and your self but not for him and when he starts showing you respect, love, and affection then start showing it back

but if he ever lays a hand on you thats when you know its time to pack your bags because then not only are you putting your self at risk but also your children because if he could hit or push or shove the women he says he loves then i wouldnt put it past him of what he would do to your children

thank you four time and promise your self that you wont let him treat you with disrespect because there is no man that is better than any women

Answer 11

Take that computer hostage until he gives you a car. Even if you don't really want it. You gotta take a stand.

Look, you may not be in love romatically anymore but so what. You can change things if you want to. You need to change, not him. If all you can come up with is leaving then you're no better than he, and I don't think that's true. Quit begging him. It's a demeaning, self-deprecating brand of communication.


Best wishes,

pup