How do stop the sadness of knowing that this will hurt him,. But when you live without Love for over 8 years and no longer can live without love, what would you do?
2006-10-10 16:00:55 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow, thats a toughy, id say sit down with him and tell him whats on your mind.Let him know that he still is a number one person in your life because he is the father of your children but emotionaly you just are not there anymore and you feel that your love is not that of a lover but as a friend. Tell him you did not expect this to happen and wish that there was something that could physically bring you two back together other than a paper stating your man and wife. Maybe start with a break away from eachother a seperation rather than a divorce right off the bat. This may sound bad but it will give him false hope, but dont take it to heart this will only make it easier in the end when a divorce is in the cards for you. Remember to be still a big part of anything and everything that has to do with your children and him, you dont want your children to feel that unhappieness that you too are going to be dealing with. Keep your head up high and be proud that your marrige was a at one point a wonderful thing in your life and it brought you 3 joys as well. You can make it through this and so will he. Hope this helps a bit. Good Luck! i wish you find the happiness you desire .
2006-10-10 16:12:21 · answer #1 · answered by terra c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Find a good therapist. This person will help you find a way to tell him and find ways to plan to move on with your life. You are going to need someone there just for you.
2.Have a plan on when you will leave and where you will go set before you say anything, as well as an idea of what you will need financially for the first six months. It may sound unfeeling, but you will have three children to care for and a lot of adjusting to do. Any thing you can do to help ease that transition is a good thing.
3. When you are ready to tell him, do so privately without the kids around. He is going to be hurt...there is nothing you can do to prevent it or deny it. However, if you have been so unhappy for so long, your husband is probably aware of it to some level.
4. Be honest with him about why you are leaving and reassure him that he will still have a strong relationship with his children (if that is what is best for the kids). Share your plans about when you want to go and what you will need as far as items from the house (is you are leaving) or if the decsion is for him to go, a time line for when he must be gone and what he may take with him, as well as working out bills, the mortgage, child care costs, etc.
4. Once these things are worked out, the two of you should tell the kids together. Make it clear to the kids that you are not doing this because of anything they did...and continue to reassure them throughout the transition and the seperatation...and whenever they need it. Have a parenting plan worked out (visitation, discipline and what is acceptable to say to the kids about the seperation.)
5. You both need to find a lawyer and have whatever issues you have aggreed upon put into writing and ratified by the court. This is for the benefit of everyone involved.
6. Take time to mourn the loss of your marriage. Even tho it was not all you dreamed it would be, it was still a huge part of your life . It is natural to grieve the loss of the known...and you won't be the only one doing so. Having a good therapist around will help you through this time...and help you help your kids as well.
I know this must be scarey and emtional. Only you can truely decide the "right" way to go. Know there are others who have gone this road before you...and they are sending you as much support as you need. Wishing you a happy ending..whatever you decide it to be.
2006-10-10 23:43:53 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you let it get this far gone before seeking help for your marriage?
Love is fickle --- so don't put all your trust in "feeling" in love .... it's all the other stuff in marriage that keeps you and him bonded.... if you two can get into marriage counselling - then by all means do everything possible to salvage your marriage.... don't worry about what everyone else says ...
Go pull out all those photo albums and take a long stroll down memory lane.... start doing the things that you all did long ago.... love can reignite but you both have to make the effort to rebuild the fire and capture new "magical moments"....
2006-10-10 23:07:52 · answer #3 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Build up the courage to take steps toward your happiness.
HOWEVER, I STRONGLY suggest you give it about three months. Sort your feelings out, because once you put it out there, you CAN'T take it back. And husband's are sensitive......he committed himself to you, so it will be a HUGE trust thing. So saying it, then realizing you made a mistake, and trying to take it back isn't gonna happen lightly. It will hurt him, and he may not be able to forgive you for it.
But if it IS what you really want.........then sit him down. Tell him what is going on, (make a plan ahead of time) he will need to know it isn't up for discussion and that you are moving on. Hopefully it can be civil. Come to a mental conclusion about what you will do about things such as the children, visitation, custody, child support. Mention all of this so that his mind doesn't run away with him and think terrible things.
Most of all, try to be calm, serene, and strong. Try to be friends....the kids will need that. And hope for the best.
Good luck to you.
2006-10-10 23:29:02 · answer #4 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send the kids to a trusted family member for the night and tell him straight up! Let someone else know your plan or better yet do it with a friend.
Realize, he will need time to accept it, you gave yourself 8 years to decide. So of course, he may be upset, or he may agree, you never know. However time to accept the change does not mean to continue the marriage or living space.
2006-10-10 23:14:57 · answer #5 · answered by Keanu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he is emotionally,physically or sexually abusive you should leave. If not then you can still ignite that fire you two once had. You need to make a point to make a date night twice a month and have someone you trust watch your children. You can also go to the place where you two first fell in love and talk about how you two first met. Usually when you talk about how fun things were when you first met it ignites that fire you once had. Good luck.
2006-10-10 23:05:32 · answer #6 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to remember why you fell in love with him some of the things he done or does. Try taking a few days together just the two of you. If you are not already let the Lord into your life things will get alot better.
2006-10-11 01:24:02 · answer #7 · answered by short but sentimental 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need to have a talk and come up with something you also have 3 kids that are going to be hurt very badly if the home is broken up.Seek some help for your marriage.
2006-10-10 23:06:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes relationships can be repaired-go out together alone-try to see the man you fell in love with-it may take awhile to get it back, but you just might get the spark back---but if it's something or someone else-then end it(regardless if it hurts him) he will hurt more in the end-just keep in mind-relationships do settle down-we can't all stay in that lustful state (to bad)-or we would be walking with our head up our *** and get nothing done-try some TLC before you leave him
2006-10-10 23:31:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is best to talk things over with him its not fair to him or you to live like this and kids can sense these things. Maybe if you tried counseling that would help or just tell him you need romance again.
2006-10-10 23:04:46 · answer #10 · answered by Twilla97 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋