Should I move back with the in-laws?

Question

We lived with them 3 years and we just moved out 4 months ago, but as soon as we did my inlaws were involved in a car accident which got my father in law in jail for a year and a half (starting today)Now my MIL faces paying the mortgage by herself. And she has only my husband and his sister (who won't help) to help her,there's also an inlaw of my mother in law who lives w/ her, she has 2 kids and can't afford day care(due to speciasl situations) so she can't work either(she would be working only to pay daycare).I hung in there 3 years waiting to get my own place suffering the broken promises that my husband made to get a place and also the fact that he was always depriving his son and me of $ to give it to his parents, sometimes I have spent days without eating ,just so my husband and my son could eat(he doesn't know this).Right now he's been practically supporting 2 households we have nothing in our bank but his paycheck and when I work he has just given them more.We haven't saved $1

Answer 1

eight ball says yes

Answer 2

Sounds like you have given to your inlaws and sacrificed alot for your own family. Why don't you try telling your in laws to get a boarder to help pay the morgage.

That way you don't have to give up what you finally always wanted and you can still come by on weekends and help around the houses and cut the grass for her as her husband will be away for a long time.

Answer 3

My policy is that it is never a good idea to live with in laws. Maybe your MIL can rent out a room to someone (college student) She needs to get a job and support herself like everyone else. Tell your husband that the buck stops here. He should not be giving his parents money at the expense of what should be his top priorities (you and son). If you are not happy you need to do something about it. Tell him to live with his parents and send you the child support check every week. He has to understand that he has to put your needs ahead of his parents. If you let him continue to do this it will only get worse and you will continue to be unhappy. Do yourself and your son a favor and tell him to move out. It will be hard but not as hard as it has been. You will have three less mouths to feed. Not to mention all the broken promises you won't have to face. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

What a predicament indeed. I understand when you say broken promises, because this happened to me. Thank God it was only for 1 1/2 year... then my father-in-law got sick with cancer,.. my MIL wanted us to take care of him, but I insisted that we stayed in our apartment, which caused a lot of feud... he passed away,.... and later she got kicked out of her apartment. When we bought a house, I predicted that one day I will have to have her around. Therefore I chose a house that has a separate entrance to a studio complete with toilet and bath and a little kitchen... she now lives in there. After the terrible first years that she gave me with my husband... we do get along now (we never fight or argue), but we are not very close.
I hope that you guys find a similar way to coexist- somehow. For better or for worse... but I do believe that as his wife you have the power to demand certain things to make the situation bearable for you.

Answer 5

This seems to be a very hard decision and one that I think you definitely need to talk to your husband about.. I would say moving in with her might help in the sense that he would only be supporting one household but at the same time it was so long for you to move out in the first place.. I think you definitely need to talk to him make it understood that if you do move back its only temporary and that you need him to consider you and your son just as much as the rest of his family that you need to know that no matter what you and your son are first in his life ... I think it would be a good thing to do if you can help his mom but she also has to know its only til things are better and not permanent

Answer 6

You have to say when enough is enough. I understand helping family members but you have to look out for what is best for you and your son as well being that your husband is not doing it. He may need to go back home and you need to get a smaller place for you and your son. They have other people living in the house who can not pay anything toward the bills is BS! She can work and mom can babysit, therefore if they alternate their work schedule to fit everyone and make it work. GET OUT!

Answer 7

NO!!!!!!!!!

First of all, I don't believe that you went days without eating.
Why the exaggeration? Did you think it necessary to make your point?

Living with in-laws is rarely if ever good for a marriage. Three years is already too long in that situation.

Be creative and look for other ways to solve the problem of the care of your mother-in-law. You always have choices. Don't allow yourself to feel trapped with any one choice.

Answer 8

It's difficult not to feel for your position/situation. But I have to agree with "sexy lil" - you have to live your own life. It's universal and known from time immemorial, it's nearly impossible to live with mother or MIL - "one ship cannot have 2 captains"

Answer 9

I would stay in my own place, stick to your financial guns, you have to take care of your own family before you can take care of another one. Have your paycheck direct deposited into another account that you can use for YOUR household use if he insists in giving his money away. Not your fault FIL is in jail, YOU didn't make that mistake for him.

Answer 10

I'm sure there are some social services out there that will be able to help yourMIL. Personally I think you have done enough. There are places she can go to get funds while your FIL is in jail.

Answer 11

living with the in-laws is the worst thing you could ever do, you won't have a life of your own & you will end up giving up your privacy as wife & husband.