Should adoptive parents have the right to "unadopt" if they decide they no longer want the child?

Question

This was from a washington post article....women wants to "unadopt" her child...he is 16 and she has had him since he was five.

He is a troubled child( has sexually molested 2 kids)....she is arguing the state(VA) did not disclose certain information re: this child...like he was abused and his parents were drug addicts.

One article says he was nine...so I am not certain about his age when he first went to live with this woman.

My problem is she is not relinquishing custody b/c it's what is best for this child....her argument is that the state didn't tell her about his abuse and problems beforehand. She wanted to sue(wrongful adoption)...but was told she couldn't b/c she waited to long to file the lawsuit.It is unclear what she was told prior to the adoption.

My impression from the article was that she dosen't want him now b/c he is listed as a sex offender and she can't have any other foster children...which she said in the article..."was her job"...she receives money from the state for doing that.

From the beginning there has been issues....such as hearing voices.

Answer 1

If the State did withhold information, perhaps she is correct. Not enough to go one here. The lawyers and judges will have to apply their vast wisdom (or at least half-vast) to this one.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, yes it should be allowed under extreme cases, based upon the same types of arguements as an annullment of a marriage...like a failure to disclose or deliberately witholding information, which is fraud in a case like this...I was a foster parent who very much wanted to adopt 3 siblings, who had been "neglected and may have been mildly physically abused"...they wer in my care for 3 years...at which point the youngest, who was 6 began setting fires, and the 8 yr old boy sexually assaulted my bio-daughter, and also took out the car and drove it into the neighbor's house. This is not a joke. The state "forgot" to tell me of the previous molestation the boy had endured, as well as the family history of schitzophrenia...due to the serious nature of the
incidents, it became apparent that we could NOT adopt them, and they were placed in treatment-level homes and were adopted...we DID adopt the oldest one, however. It was a matter of the safety of the other children...COULD we get EVERYONE out of the house if she set ANOTHER fire??? WOULD we catch him BEFORE he grabbed another set of keys...at 4AM???

This was a terrible situation...and we loved the children, but sometimes love is NOT enough...un-adopting that boy may have been her only way to be 'released' from the LEGAL and CIVIL duties of parenthood...those are NOT released by granting custody to the state, as many may erroneously believe.

I feel sad for all involved in this type of situation. I am glad ours was not finalized...it was the most heart-wrenching thing I have been through...BUT they are BOTH doing GREAT with their adoptive families...it's been a long time...about 5 years, and we are still in contact, and they know that we will always love them.

Answer 3

Can you have it both ways? Can you expect all the rights and privileges that come biological parenthood, while still leaving yourself with an escape clause that's unavailable to biological parents? I would say no. And yet the deceptive social workers who misled this woman were should not go unpunished. It's wrong for them to play games with people's lives this way.

There's very little help available for parents with an out-of-control child, whether that child is adopted or born to them. I honestly don't know what the answer is, but I do know that parents of troubled children are more likely to be treated with contempt than offered any genuine solutions.

Answer 4

No. If they had had a child the natural way, they couldn't do anything. If the adoptive parents want to take on the role of parents then they have to take the bad with the good. Parents can't always choose how their children will turn out. Perhaps they should have gotten counseling for the child before this became a problem....they should have been able to tell before now that he was troubled.

Answer 5

Absolutely not. At least no more so than "biological" parents can make the decision to un-give-birth-to their child. My wife and I recently adopted our daughter when she was three years old. This child needs to have the same love and respect as a child biologically born into your family, and the thoughts around "what to do about his problems" need not weigh on his biology.
While there can be certain problems created in those first five years of life, the past eleven years this woman has had with her son certainly should have had more impact. Considering that she's trying to "get rid of him", something makes me suspect that perhaps she's not up for mother of the year. If she had given birth to that child, would she even consider trying to have him emancipated?

Answer 6

In a case where the parents still want to be foster parents, and as long as they house a known sex offender they can not than yes. The reason is that they have tried for over 11 years to help this young adult to no success. He should be housed in a safe home such as a half way house where he can get help with his addictions. The 2 children that he did molest where really young also. The parents do want to continue helping this child, but they could help even more children by continuing to be good foster parents to children that can be helped by a loving home.

Answer 7

If we are going to allow the option of making an adoption plan for a birth child (i.e. "putting a child up for adoption") then I suppose we have to allow people to "unadopt". If a birthparent can say they cannot raise a child for whatever reason what's really the difference between that and "unadopting"? It is pretty distasteful, however. It must be scary to those children that have been adopted to think that they, too, if they are "bad" will be "unadopted".

Answer 8

No! Adopting is like when you give birth to a child. It is a commitment. When you give birth to a child, you do not know if they are going to be disabled, mentally ill, drug addict, etc. If she is that selfish, just wait until he can get emancipated. I know it is hard, but maybe the question should be about helping the child, NOT DUMPING HIM.

Answer 9

thrilling...i'm one among 5 observed young ones in my kin (properly we are all grown now so not young ones) and that i've got in no way heard the word "took you in" directed at me. whether if I did i could completely experience the comparable as you. Like i became a stray doggy or cat that in basic terms saved coming in the backyard so as that they only desperate to maintain me. who're those people? you ought to consistently respond "Yeah properly a minimum of my mothers and dads have been given me on objective" not superb i comprehend whether it makes me smile. in all probability suited to easily ignore with regard to the ignorant. extremely of letting it disillusioned you probably you ought to experience sorry for their finished loss of empathy and expertise. Be proud!

Answer 10

He's not a puppy from the pound! If you adopt, that child is yours for life, same as if you have given birth to him.