How traumatic is divorce to you and how do you and the kids overcome the pain?

Question

Please share your experience and what would you like to advice those who intend to get married.

Answer 1

Divorce is extremely traumatic. Personally I think it is worse than a death.

Think about it. If your spouse died, you would be devastated. Your future plans for a life together would be shattered. You would have to start again, all alone. BUT you know your spouse didn't do it on purpose. You have fond memories of him to comfort you, plus an inheritance to help you manage.

If your spouse divorces you, you're devastated. Your future plans for a life together are shattered. You have to start again, all alone. PLUS your spouse walked out on purpose, so you have feelings of rejection and worthlessness to deal with. All your possessions and money have to be split in two, so you are financially worse off. You have no happy memories to help sustain you. You may have bitter arguments, legal or otherwise.

Basically, you go through the same process of grief as if someone died, but with a lot of other stuff going on at the same time.

What I would advise those about to get married is, take your time before deciding to marry someone, or even live with them. It is a lifetime commitment and divorce is a very painful thing.

At the same time, if we hold back from doing things in life because we're afraid of getting hurt, we will have a pretty boring life. You can't hope to experience the heights of happiness if you are not willing to risk something for it.

Relationships are no different. Just bear in mind that if you fall madly in love, the first rush of passion blinds you to a lot of your partner's faults. Wait until things have calmed down a bit, before making any lifetime commitments.

Answer 2

yes, divorce is traumatic to the WHOLE family.
try not to say anything bad about the other parent under any circumstance to the kids, don't fight or argue in front of the kids. always remember the kids didn't ask to be a part of it, so they are no fault. they will feel like it at times, try to reassure them whenever possible that they are not to be blamed at all. let the kids form their own opinions about the other parent, some times they will walk on water and other times they won't want a thing to do with them. don't put the kids in the middle, if you need to talk to the other parent or ask them something, you do it, don't send a message via the kids. don't quiz the kids about what they did or didn't do with the other parent, what you NEED to know will come out in normal conversation. time will help ease the pain, counseling may also be helpful to everyone involved.

advice for those intending to get married. make sure you are compatable in everyway possible. my husband has a saying that i think is great. "there is nothing worth arguing about, but if you ARE going to argue, get naked first. By the time you are naked you won't remember what it is you were going to argue about." We don't always argree and see things the same way, but we have NEVER argued. when we disagree about something, we TALK about our differences. We have been together for 9 years and still going strong.

Answer 3

It was devastating! After 13 years of being together my husband decided he was "not happy" and had an affair with a co-worker. Divorce makes you question your entire married life. You think you know this person, you sleep with him every night and wake up to him every morning. Then it's over. Even though my marriage was not perfect it was worth saving in my opinion. But you need two people for that. You go from sharing your life with someone to being alone. It takes awhile to get used to.

Our son is also having trouble dealing with everything that has happened. He still wants us to give it another try. I hate breaking his heart by saying that is not going to happen. In two months his dad will be moving in with his girlfriend and that will break his heart completely but what can I do? I cannot control my ex.

My son and I are getting past the pain one day at a time. It gets easier with time.

When you get married - remember never take each other for granted. Always show your appreciation of one another so the other person never doubts your love. Then they will not have a reason to stray.

Answer 4

It' was a very very traumatic experience for me. I tried to kill myself but I'm glad I didn't succeed. I lost the joy of living,I was depressed for months. Thanks be to God who gave me the will to live and helped me to move on with my kids. Well, that was nearly 15 years ago.
To those who are planning to get married. All I can say is take time to know the person you wanted to marry. Family background is very important. If you wanted to make sure that he or she is the right person, try to look at the parents. This saying proved to be true. "You can tell a good tree by its' fruits" Does his or her parents have a history of " X character"? Sad but true, diseases are hereditary and so are characters & lifestyles of a family. So, if at this moment, you can see visible annoying characters & lifestyles in his or her family. Better think twice. According to my experience, it never leaves the person because it is in the bloodline. Am not trying to ridicule, but I really learned a lot from my own experience. In every general rule, there is always an exception. I just hope your loved one is an exception. Best wishes. lol..

Answer 5

It is as painful as death itself.

each divorce is unique, some better than others, but the majority lose a lot emotionally, financially and scars never heal.

Advice: always take care of yourself and the instant you feel there is a concern...address it right away! Communication is the biggest of all. Marriage is not for all. Take your time to decide about marriage and if you do get married, always give yourself time to disagree, make love, share everything to one another and never make choices in haste!

Answer 6

I assume you are an adult because of the Guiness glass you have as you icon. That being said, perhaps you would also like to ask if Santa Claus will bring her a new one. Or perhaps the Easter Bunny. Maybe the Tooth Fairy will bring an extra breast instead of some money. Or perhaps Superman can travel to a distant planet and find an alien that will fabricate a new one that he can attach to her. Seriously, a grown person asking favors from thin and expecting them to be granted. How about giving her a job instead of throwing the responsiblity to "Jesus." I mean, is that your way of repenting for not doing anything. Because you felt sad. Do something about it. And keep drinking Guiness. Oi!

Answer 7

Divorce is traumatic and disruptive to young children and I'm against it in principle (having come from from a divorced family). However, a dysfunctional family with a cruel atmosphere doesn't help anyone either. Just be sure you're rboth eady and don't rush in.

Answer 8

If u think of divorce before getting married, I suggest you don't get married. I felt that since married, both must comply and have communication oftenly. Try give and take and most problem should be solve.

Answer 9

I have overcome it, but my daughter never has. She is 14 and was 4 when he left us!

Answer 10

dont do it.