Married Women: How often do you have 'relations' w/ your husband? My husband and I rarely do anything...

Question

Is there something wrong with us? We have only been married a year - We both work full time & have conflicting schedules-I know that can be a huge problem
But- even when we share the same night off- it's like we are physically dis-interested.... we talk about wanting to have intimate relations... but something comes up that we dont... either he starts watching something on tv- or one of us gets a headache (we both have awful allergies) - or he is just so tired that he wants to go to bed... It seems that MAYBE once a week we are intimate.. right now it has been over two weeks. He "tried it on with me" the other night around 2am we were both asleep- but i told him to stop as he was only getting 4 hours of sleep for work as it was.... so we both passed right back out...

i dont know how i feel right now-- we are talking fine - but just tired or stressed or w.ever--- i am mostly frustrated because i feel like there may be something wrong that i am missing... am i a bad wife?

Answer 1

I have been married for bout 15yrs. But I have sex at least twice a week and sometimes three times. I am not sure how many times my wife has sex. Never bothered asking her.

Answer 2

Honey, stop thispattern before it goes on much longer, this is how marriages split and people get lonely and go other directions. My husband and I have been together for 6 years, have 4 children, and his work schedule is around 62 hours a week, my job is never done. We are together at least 4-5 times weekly anyway. Dont let this keep going on or it will be heartbreak sooner or later for you. When he wakes you up and you reject, thats making him feel even more separated from you and hurts his pride and security in your relationship. No matter how tired you are, and I know you are, always try to make extra effort where your marriage is concerned, it will be worth the time and trouble later on down the road. Good luck and god bless. ps our kids ages are 7,3,9months, and last one due in feb, so were pretty busy! just try!

Answer 3

My husband and I have 3 kids. He is lucky if he gets it 2x's a week. By the time I get to bed I am so tired that I pass out. But on the other hand my husband is in the Navy and is gone alot right now too. We do make time to go out to dinner 2x's a month without the kids and that helps. I dont think that there is anything wrong I just think that you need to start scheduling time for each other.

Answer 4

Sounds like he is still interested he did try something at 2 am lol. perhaps he doesn't know when a good time for you is.

You mentioned he puts on the tv sometiems and watches that. why not try something then. snuggle up with him on the couch or come out of the bedroom with something that would get him going. unless he's dead from the waist down im sure he'll get the message.

You might have to intiate a bit more. try a back massage if you feel the ones up above is not your style. go into it slowly if thats your style. you dont' always have to wait for him to make the first move after all your married. I m sure you can think of a few things to get his fire burning.

Answer 5

I have to say once a week if we're good. I hate to admit that. Some times I just want him to take charge.....light the candles, make the bath, put the fresh linen on the bed..... ya know? I hate when we are in the bed and he just rolls over and assumes that's enough heat to start the fire........uhhhh naw. :( I try to just say well maybe he's not good at that but we've been together 7 years...ya think he would get a clue. Sometimes we have to take control of what we want and do it. If YOU want more sex.....plot out more sex. It's like working out. In the beginning you find it hard to fit it in and still have time for everything else........next thing you know, a month later your trying to fit in more classes. Do you get what I am saying? :) I hope this helps.

Answer 6

My husband of ten years and I have different ideas when it comes to frequency. He wants it every night, I'm good with once a month, so we compromised. With a schedule, we decided on 3X a week, I don't have to feel pressured and feel like I'm always rejecting him, and he knows when its a sure thing. It also helps me to be in the mood on our scheduled nights, because I've already agreed to it and start thinking about it ahead of time. I also sneak off to bed early on our scheduled nights and leave him with the reading to the kids and getting them off to bed. It's been great the six months we've been doing it. No more hurt feelings, no more pressure, and even better, three nights a week to spend an hour or so on myself, which I had never done, before he comes to bed.

Answer 7

3 times a month on average, 6 times if we get lucky. If you are bothered by less sex with your husband, then maybe you should talk to him about it. Plan your evening, ask him when is most comfortable with him to have sex with you, or set a time when you are both not busy and set the mood for sex... sometimes, you can just cuddle and hug, try other ways to show your affection, it may not necessarily lead to sex if both of you are too tired. Not having sex often doesn't mean something is wrong with the relationship, its just a matter of setting up your priorities and if you think your sexual relationship is suffering, then set a time to discuss it then do something about it. Good luck.

Answer 8

We are intimate just about every day. He is 50, I am 43. He works three different shifts. I don't work right now but when I was working we always made time for each other. Even now, we make time in the middle of the night on occasion. You both need to make a conscious effort to make time for each other.

Answer 9

Honey, there's nothing wrong with you or your marriage. Before my fiance and I got engaged, I was lucky to 'get any' once a month. Not only because of our conflicting schedules, but because we'd either be too tired or blah blah. It's been over a month for me right now. At first it bothered me, but then when I did 'get it,' it was awesome and well worth the wait.

Try spicing up your 'bed' life a bit. Try bringing a new toy or a new lube or lotion or oil into it. We did....and it helped alot. ;))

Good luck sweetie. I know it's hard, but stick in there! If he doesn't make it worth the wait, do it yourself! Ride him extra hard! ;))

Answer 10

we have 3 kids age 10.5 8.5 I'm 29 weeks pregnant we still have sex nearly every night!. We both work full time we always make time 4 sex even if it's a 10 min thing. You have to make the time to get close if it's important to you. Some people don't need that closeness as often DON'T JUDGE YOUR MARRIAGE on other peoples standards. .

Answer 11

I have been with the same woman for 7 1/2 years, we have not had sex for 2 years now (maybe 3 oral sex activities in that time) and it is breaking up our relationship. I suggest doing whatever it takes to keep your relationship together, sex is an integral part of relationships, not everything, but definately not an afterthought like some women seem to think it is......