I don't really have anyplace else to ask so....I wonder if you can help. I have a friend who I have been friends with for about three years, we met online and have been penpals and since we only live a state away we have visited each others families several times. We keep in touch online and via letters but since about the beginning of the year I have noticed that it feels like I am the one putting all the effort into the relationship. I am always the one writing, or commenting on her blog, trying to be supportive, or celebrate with her, and though she visits my blog, she rarely if ever will even comment. Sometimes I will even ask her a question about something (not anything huge) and she won't even acknowledge that I have emailed her or sent her a message on yahoo (I know it hasn't been lost, this has happened a good ten times). I am starting to really feel like an idiot. Am I just being overly sensitive? Or is the balance really out here? Her birthday is coming up and usually we send little gift boxes of goodies (a
tradition she started, not me) and for my birthday in August she only sent a gift certificate for a store. I was thinking of just getting her a little tea sampler set about the same value (she loves tea) but then after that just not contacting her and just letting it fade away, which is what I think she seems to want to do...or that is the vibe I am getting, anyway. I feel really disappointed because I adore her and her family, our husbands even got on well. But I just feel like the friendship is so much more important to me than it is to her. This is beyond her being busy because she will respond to other people when they post on her blog, but rarely responds to me anymore. Is it time to just let this go? Like I said I just feel like a fool at this point for making effort after effort. Thanks!
2006-10-10 15:14:25 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
No you are not an idiot, friendship is rare and valuable find.
In my life, I've had 2 or 3 good friends, I used to spend weekends at his home, talked to him about my problems, liked his family. They moved away and I lost contact. Haven't talked with him in several years. If he called me today and wanted to get together, I would be there with no hesitation. Distance, and time do not diminish friendships.
You may have to invest less energy in it for now.
Your friend may be going through some things that are affecting your relationship. Because you have been so close, you make her more vulnerable.
Send the gift, include a letter. And keep doing it. At this time you need to let her know that you are and will be her friend.
It may, unfortunately, turn out badly, but friendship is worth fighting for, I wouldn't let it just fade away.
2006-10-10 15:42:39 · answer #1 · answered by deepndswamps 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you send this letter to her? Maybe she doesn't reallize what she is doing. Either way, she is the only one who knows so ask her. Don't just drop it without trying to find out what her story is.
Reason, Season and Lifetime
..
People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
..
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
or to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
...
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
...
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
...
When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall,
the season eventually ends.
...
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being part of my life.
2006-10-10 15:22:06 · answer #2 · answered by Gypsy Girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow.. this is tough. Well, if she isn't putting in any effort and you still want to be her friend then it is up to YOU to keep the friendship going..(even if you don't really consider it a friendship). Send her the box of goodies and in the letter, tell her how you feel. I hope I've helped, Its what i would have done in this situation. Or, since you said your husbands are friends, why not have the two men speak about it and they can help you work it out... try it.
2006-10-10 15:21:49 · answer #3 · answered by laylay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you cut back on emailing her for a bit. Don't do it as much as you have been. For your birthday send her the tea sampler because you think its what she would like. Maybe she did not know what to get you this yeaar.. I would definetely start easing from her it sounds like the friendship is becomming one sided, but maybe it is not you maybe there are things going on in her life that she just does not feel comfortable talking to you about... Good luck...
2006-10-10 15:22:48 · answer #4 · answered by melthule 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I have that happen with my friends all the time,only the live near me.umm.maybe you should ask her why she won't answer your emails and stuff.and you've been counting how many times this happend?anyways talk to her and if she keeps doing it then drop her.not worth it.
#+peace+#
2006-10-10 15:22:17 · answer #5 · answered by ~Bubblii~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send her a b-day gift, but slowly move on as some friendships move on!!
2006-10-10 15:18:18 · answer #6 · answered by mustanglady 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I havent got the time to read your lengthy diatribe, so I assume you must be a complete idiot for not being able to ask your question in one short sentance
2006-10-10 15:28:23 · answer #7 · answered by acid tongue 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow! that's tough! but it's happened to me. if i were you i would definetly let it go. sounds like she got bored of the friendship, especially if she responds to other peoples blogs. i dunno, it's so sad, but friendships all around fade. maybe she will notice. if she does, the friendship can start to re-grow. if not, then she wasn't such a good friend afterall....good luck!
2006-10-10 15:24:27 · answer #8 · answered by jess l 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it looks as if though the friendship means more to you then it does to her. talk to her about it. if she won't understand or change, drop her.
2006-10-10 15:18:33 · answer #9 · answered by sportzgurl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes your an idiot
2006-10-10 15:16:43 · answer #10 · answered by David B 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋