i'm dating a married man who has 3 kids at home. he doesn't support me or anything like that, and i don't expect him to. he *claim* that his marriage is over and they're just living in the same house, with him on the couch.
i'm in love, and i believe him when he says he is too.
what do you think is going on here? should i believe him?
2006-10-10 15:14:15 · 40 answers · asked by Loon-A-TiK 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
See thats why its hard to fall for a married men cause you end up getting hooked on him and loving him and yet no where to go with it.
If he really loves you and he says all this to be true. then he'll make a move. other wise he's just telling you what he thinks you want to hear cause he doesnt' want to lose the good thing he's got. heck he can stay married have the kids and have you on the side.
Only way to believe what he says is by his actions. talk is cheap my dear. Wait till you see proof . other wise let it go in one ear and out the other.
Your the one getting hurt here. Thats why I don't understand women who get involved with marryed men for your example you end up getting the raw end of the deal
2006-10-10 19:14:14 · answer #1 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are playing second best. I would not want to be the other woman. There are so many single guys out there you should find one. You are not just betraying his wife but you are also betraying his three children. He could be just telling you that he is sleeping on the couch how would you even know he is doing that or not? He could be coming home after he has been with you and tell his wife what a great wife she is and how much he loves her. If he was serious in leaving her he would of done that already. If he did leave his wife to be with you, you will have the guilt of breaking up a family. You will also have three kids to deal with that are not yours. It surely is not an easy road. You also should know that he is a cheater and usually once a cheater always a cheater you cannot actually think you are special enough that he will never do that to you. Move on and find a single man.
2006-10-10 16:31:42 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I see going on here is a guy who has found his marriage has become commonplace and boring, and he feels that he needs involvement with a new partner. I also fore-see this same guy will eventually get tired and bored of this other new relationship and seek another. He never is going to solve his personal problems by jumping into different beds, he is just going to keep on digging himself into a much bigger slump than when he started out. But the one thing that really stands out, like a broken nose, is the fact that he always returns home to his wife, even if it is to sleep on the couch. Because he still loves his wife and he doesn't want to destroy his marriage and risk the possibility of losing his family.
I seriously think that you should review your part in breaking up a family. Think of the children whom will grow up without a father. I'm sure you don't intentionally mean to be a home wreaker. Besides many have discovered that " stolen waters " may be sweet, but it is no match for the resulting guilt, fear and loss of integrity. Seriously, stop thinking about your own self and your needs, consider those three children who probably need their dad more than you needing a man.
2006-10-10 18:41:18 · answer #3 · answered by trieghtonhere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I have been the other woman too so I can't put you down for that. But I have also been on the other side of the fence...talk about karma! You have to do what you feel is best, but if he wants to be with you and the marriage is over, he'd leave. Why can't he? People who have kids get divorced all the time. There aren't but one of two things that can happen at this point:
1. He will eventually leave his wife/she finds out about you and puts his butt out and you'll live "happily ever after".
2. You'll find someone who deserves you and the love you have to offer and since you will be tired of not having a man of your own you'll be more than happy to start a real relationship with this new guy.
And sweetie, he is NOT sleeping on the couch!
2006-10-11 03:08:18 · answer #4 · answered by mvngs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ladies and Gents it is not always as simple as we prefer life to be. I can name a number of couples who found love this way and they have married and remained happily married. Of course there are other disaster stories where the married man or WOMAN (yes women can do it too) was just a cad getting some on the side. You really need to examine the situation and the reason for why he is at home. Is there a specific reason with a determinable solution that just needs to take some time or is he "just not read yet". Just not ready yet? Warning...when is anyone ever ready for divorce. Specific reason? Find out his specific plan to establish a "real" life with you and then hold him to it. If deadlines pass or he is not working on resolving the "outstanding problem" then he is probably lying to you. And definitely set a deadline. Don't let your life pass by this way. I don't make judgement....just beware this is not an easy thing you are chosing.
Check out his claim about "just living there". Can he come and go and spend as much time with you as he wants or is he always on a tight schedule (tight schedule - still worried about wife beware) However it turns out, I hope that it is the best outcome for you,
2006-10-10 16:11:29 · answer #5 · answered by Sleepless in Seattle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....my guy has 3 kids at home and claims thesame thing... Hmmm.. are we involve with thesame man haha I'm glad I ended it already but it took me years to get out of the hell hole... What they've said is true, he ain't leaving his wife and kids....and once a cheater always a cheater. Imagine after all that he has put me through, I caught him cheating on me!!!! But was too in love and stupid to let go that time....
How long has this been going on? If you're just dating, how can you be in love already? Give yourself some time, don't rush, if you're still inlove with him no one can convince you to end the affair ( trust me, been there done that) It will just hit you when you least expect it....you'll realize one day you ought to Love yourself 1st......
2006-10-10 15:51:43 · answer #6 · answered by zac8 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear I really understand how u must feel. When we are in love, men's lies become truths. We believe them because we don't want to get hurt. But really, deep in your heart u know what he's telling you is a BIG lie. He wants to have both his wife and you. I was on the same boat as you and I had a kid from him. I couldn't stand being the other woman. I wanted to be the best and his one and only. Being in the situation drastically lowered my self esteem. I was sad all the time when he would leave to go home to his family. I couldn't shout to the whole world that he is my man. I couldn't tell my family and friends who he is. We weren't free to go out together. It was just something rotten that was eating on me slowly. I made the right decision of leaving. Believe me it was the hardest decision I ever had to make because I have his son. But time and distance helped. Create a distance from him. Move as far as you can so u don't bump into him and where he can't see you anymore. Think about this, do you really want to ruin a family? Hurt his kids? And believe me, if ever he decides to leave his family to be with you, you will not trust him. Because u know. He cheated on his wife. Do u think he will be faithful to you this time? He made a vow, he broke it. If he will ever make another one with you, what is ur guarantee that he will not break it? His word? Come on, that is just not logical!
Leave for your own sake. You'll find one that will be true to you. I am still waiting but i don't mind. I deserve someone upright whom i could trust and be secured with for life.
2006-10-10 15:37:48 · answer #7 · answered by Milie88 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I say yes. I am having an affair, and I am in love with the other man, and he says he loves me and I believe him. I have a child with my husband, and it is hard when there are children, I think he does love you, but he doesn't want to hurt his family even though he already is. It is a very bad situation that he and you are in. Hopefully, if he is truly unhappy and wants a life with you he will realize he needs to be happy too, and being at home unhappy for appearances sake isn't enough. Good Luck, I support you as the other women.
2006-10-10 15:35:47 · answer #8 · answered by Kimberly T 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't state whether you are wanting someone to share your life with or not. What do you expect people to say? It sounds more like a statement of fact than an inquiry about what you should do. So, I am not sure what to say to you.
The first person he lies to is the one he probably loves. That would be his wife and kids. You claim to believe him, but if he will lie to his wife and kids, the ones who are supposed to be the closest to him, what makes you think he won't lie to you, too?You are fifth down the list of importance in his life, maybe farther down than that.
He will say and do whatever he has to to get into your pants and not get caught. He is a dog who wants some extra on the side. Don't get caught up in his lies. He isn't worth wasting your feelings on. You deserve better than a lying, cheating dog. Wake up. He uses your love of him to get what he wants out of you, that's all.
2006-10-10 15:28:39 · answer #9 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should never believe him. He will say anything to keep you coming back for more. Married men pray on lonely women or women with low self esteem. Men love a variety of women and married men will do everything and say anything to keep the other woman hooked and thinking she stands a chance. It is all part of the game. Think about this. Would you have had anything to do with him if he had told you that he just wanted a booty call although he was happily married and not leaving his wife. The excuse is to draw the other woman in. He is not leaving his wife and you should run as fast as you can away from him. He is bad news and you deserve better than that. End it tonight. Good luck!!!
2006-10-10 15:22:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋