...that you don't want to be in their life anymore? It's a mean question, but here's the situation...I have been friends with someone for over 10 years...6 years ago she started doing drugs and not keeping a steady life for herself. Over the years she has pulled herself (with my help and her family) out of the drugs and found herself some nice jobs that she would keep for at least a week. Then back to the drugs again, after lying that she had quit for good. This has happened so many times that I have lost count, along with my patience. She shows up to my home and workplace uninvited and unexpectedly. The friendship has been long gone, but she doesn't seem to get it. I can't pretend that I'm so busy that I don't have time for her. I want to be honest, but how? Any input is appreciated. Thank you.
2006-10-10 14:49:58 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
It is a sad question, more than a mean one. In all of our lives we sometimes have to make really difficult choices. Some friendships run their course, as this one has and you have to distance yourself from this person. The best and most honest method of this would be to invite her to meet with you in a coffee shop or restaurant you choose. Sit with her and honestly tell her your true feelings. If you are afraid of her acting in an out-of control manner, take a couple of other friends and/or family members with you. Have them sit nearby so that they can intercede if necessary. Honesty is the best policy, tell her that she has made choices in her life that has impacted your friendship in a negative manner and you can no longer be her friend. It is best to be as straightforward as possible, it will be difficult of course, but life is way too short to deal with "toxic" friends. My friends and I have had to go through the same type of conversation with a friend who was basically a user and we had to protect ourselves and our families. Some people cannot be saved, and you do not want to let yourself be dragged into her drama over and over. I know a few people who have had to have restraining orders against people who would not leave them alone. You do not want this to advance to that point, if you can help it. Be straightforward and honest and make it clear that it is because of the lying and the drug use that you cannot continue the friendship. Best of luck to you.
2006-10-10 15:08:05 · answer #1 · answered by Sue F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no easy way to do this...... she just needs to be told, straight up, that you just cant do it any more... you can not be a part of her down fall again... you have given all you have and are drained... there is no more to give... you love her and wish her well and will always treasure the time ya'll have shared, the good times... but now the bad is over taking the good and you dont want to remember her that way... she needs to get the prof. help she so desperatly needs, pull her life together, for herself, and make her world come together for Her..... wish her the best, kiss her check, and walk away.... and you might have to think about changing your life, maybe move , so she will have no choice but to learn to walk on her own....... God bless
2006-10-10 14:56:54 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You could invite her over for coffee and while you're sitting at a table drinking it, just tell her that you care about her, but you can't take the emotional roller coaster anymore. Tell her that you need to spend some time away from her. Telling people things that they don't want to hear is always hard if you care about the person. Sometimes you have to do it for your own good and well being.
2006-10-10 14:55:36 · answer #3 · answered by Marianne K 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's difficult to get people to see your view sometimes.
But the best way is just to straight out tell her that you are busy and you can't always be covering for her because you have your own life and a lot of things that call your attention. Tell her, "It's not that I hate you or anything but I think it's best if we take a break from our friendship." Or some way nice like that.
Sure, it'll hurt her but its way better than allowing her to keep thinking y'all guys are cool.
2006-10-10 14:56:21 · answer #4 · answered by sweetdollツ 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
tough one well you been in her life for ten years so you love your friend its very very hard but try to hold out but dont let it where you down deal with her as we say with a long silver spoon let her know how you feel and what its doing to your friendship and let her know you no longer want to help her self district so you will no longer help her with any money unless for food which you will buy drugs do have a heart your friend do but right now she is lost she do not yet know everytime she gets high she take family and friends with her please stay strong for her ok hopefully she will come around before it is to late god bless you you sound like a real good friend to have pray for her see if she will go to meetings take her if you have to n.a meetings that is she will need a friend at the end of her falling ok if you ever need more advice you can feel free to right me at reddiwhip2004@yahoo.com ok (smile) good luck
2006-10-10 15:13:13 · answer #5 · answered by reddiwhip2004 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well that good you try a least. because that a friend. but i would tell her and sit her down. tell her look i been trying to help you and even your family. but if you dont change then we cant be friends anymore. tell her to get help. tell her you will help her to find help if she wanted it. if she doesnt want to get help. then she wasnt never a friend. i know it's hurt to say that but it's true. drugs are not good and she shouldnt pick them over you or her family. so i hope this help and good luck.
2006-10-10 14:55:56 · answer #6 · answered by Melda R 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ok, you need to have a straight talk, woman-to-woman talk. Tell her that you cannot and WILL NOT be a part of her drug-ridden life until she cleans up for good.
2006-10-10 14:59:09 · answer #7 · answered by chrstnwrtr 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
just be honest and tell her you are done with her and her drugs and that you are used up and that its time to say goodbye wish her luck and walk on ... its call tough love you are just going to hurt yourself with worry and stress and not including embarrass when she decides to pop up next.... had a friend like that but enough was enough
2006-10-10 15:00:19 · answer #8 · answered by just a mommy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you dont want to be apart of her drug doing life because she is hurting her self
2006-10-10 14:54:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
i went through the same thing with my ex....
let her know that you love her deeply but your not going to watch her kill herself..
let her know she is playing roulette with not only her life but everyone involved....
2006-10-10 14:56:22 · answer #10 · answered by movebytch78 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋